Where's My Fairy Godmother?

I have forgotten how to be a lady of leisure, I've been a slave to the books for far too long. Why did I ever decide to become a nurse? Being a housewife isn't so bad. I get to plan meals, tidy the house, spend time with my family, watch tv shows that I've missed. Hell I even took and hour to give myself a manicure and pedi. This is heaven! Damn me and my practical and realistic self. Deciding to get an education pffttt! Education is SO overrated. LOL I've even gotten to sit and read a book...one that doesn't require me to retain an ounce of it. Fluff..I love books full of fluff, romance, betrayal...living vicariously is fun! I am getting too comfortable in this role of mother and wife. I forgot just how much I love it. And in less than a week the spell will be broken...I'll go back to being a slave, my house will be unkempt, my laundry pile will go back to the size of Mount Everest and I will once again be the stressed out mother of four everyone has come to avoid. Sigh!

Such is life. It can't always be a fairytale. 5 more weeks....5 weeks and I'm done. It isn't so long right? Ugh...just get me there....to the end.

Summertime....barbecues, ball games, lounging poolside....I can't wait. I will be so happy when this semester is complete and I can be myself again. That's all I want...to feel like myself.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Thank goodness it's Spring Break! I've never needed a break more than I do right now. This week was so busy. I had a Micro test on Wednesday and Thursday I had my nursing test on Neuro. It sucked. They had us take the test alone then alerted us that afterward we'd take it again, but in groups of 3 (arranged by our total points) and they'd take our original grade and average it with the group grade and if our group grade ended up being better than our own, that's the grade we got. It's called collaborative testing. I only got 2 extra points more than what I had and ended up with an 81% which is a C = UGH! It brought my average down for the class to like an 86 or something. Oh well, atleast I passed and am not failing the class, which is what is happening to a lot of people this semester. There are supposedly about 8 people failing, that really sucks. SO, a lot of these people won't be graduating with us, unless they can pull up their grade enough, which is really hard to do at this point. We only have about 29-30 people in our class as it is because it's dwindled over time for various reasons. Well, atleast I got that one done. CHECK! I just keep chekin' em off. So, now where I stand is I have 4 psych clinicals (we had our orientation at the facility yesterday)two psych tests and our final exam. We have 5 weeks of class left. OH MY GOSH, I can't believe it! I am so ready.

Am removing the rest of my post because I don't want to ruffle feathers....even though I should! Ha!

Peace....

I don't know why, but I laughed my arse off at this video.

More tests...

1 week until Spring Break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! We have our Neuro test Thursday and Wednesday I have a lab test in micro....ugh. I'm not prepared for either one. I have so many notes left to re-write for nursing it's ridiculous. Our neuro test covers 8 chapters worth of material....bejeezus. I sat at my dining room table yesterday for 8 hours writing notes and I'm only half way there. Wish me luck on this test. It's going to be a booger.

You Tube is the Shiz!

This song is hot. Remember Alan Thicke (the dad, Jason Seiver) from growing pains? This is his son. He reminds me of Justin Timberlake and no I'm not afraid to admit it, I love JT. I think he's an artist and I appriciate artists. There you have it. (Check out my video section)


Bringing Study Back


Bringing Nursing Back


ER Rap

Feeling Overwhelmed

Our last clinical was yesterday and I couldn't be more thankful. Clinicals wear me out. I didn't have a great day yesterday. I had 3 pt's all by myself and they were all pretty intense. 1-rib fractures, was on bedrest but was ordered up to chair when I got there. Tried getting him up to go to the bathroom and he tried passing out on me. His wife and I got him to the bed before he fell, thank goodness. He was very needy all day. Well, his wife was really needy. He was fine after the almost passing out episode. 2nd pt was a woman who had a massive GI bleed. She had had 3 solid blood stools before arriving at the hospital and was getting blood transfusions all day. 3rd pt had a fem-fem bypass the day before. Both of his femoral arteries were occluded. This is the second time he's had this done, poor fella. He had three incisions....one at both groin areas then one that started towards the middle of the chest and went around his side to his back....craziness. He was the nicest guy. I cannot believe he was even moving around after that, I have to admit his incisions looked pretty painful.

Let me start with why this was a bad day....aunt flo came to visit me before I left the house...ugh. The night before I had started to have a temp and my throat was hurting....uh-oh, I feel some sickness coming on. I felt like absolute shit all day while I was running my ass off. Normally I would have called in, but I wasn't about to miss last clinical. I wanted to get it over with and not have to make it up. I had the worst 3 pt's on the floor...seriously. The night before clinical we always go to our site to get our assignments. 2 of my assigned patients had been discharged which meant I had to pick another 2. I asked one of the nurses who was easier because we are suppose to have 1 complicated patient and 2 relatively easy ones (if there is such a thing) at first. Keep in mind this was the 1st time I had 3 all by myself. She says to me...honey, this is the real world, you ain't gonna get easy pt's. Then she gave me the two worst ones. I told instructor about this and she was pissed at the nurse, but also at me for not listening to my own "judgement" and making my own decisions. Anyway.... All of the other students seemed to have a lot of time on their hands, whereas I did not. That isn't what bothered me, what bothered me was that I was getting behind...really behind on med passes. I didn't even get one med passed until 2 hours after it was due because SOME other pt wouldn't let me leave their side because they wanted to be coddled. THEN the other students kept asking me what was wrong because I looked funny. It's called concentration, being busy, stressed out and working. They kept saying...are you ok? over and over and over. Honestly, I was ok, but I was really, really busy. It wasn't until they all started asking me things that I got upset because I start thinking to myself....does me expression render pissed off, upset, not ok? I've been told before that I look so intense sometimes, when all actuality, that's just my face. LOL I guess it bugged me and made me self concious which led me to telling them to STOP asking me what's wrong because NOTHING was wrong...I WAS JUST BUSY and I FELT LIKE POO! Anyway, it made me more moody...I know they were just trying to help and I love them all for it, I apologized if I seemed snappy, which I probably did. BOO@me. SO....I also had a lot of new things that day that I'd never done before. My fem-fem pt needed his NG tube flushed. I remember doing this as a skill, but couldn't even remember the 1st step at the bedside. It's wayyyyy easier than I thought it would be. Here's the breakdown....you want to insert 30cc's of air (like you can actually measure air pfft) from a big ball plunger/syringe doohickey into their NG tube and listen to the abdomen for the swoosh of air.....and yes it does sound like a swoosh...cool. Then you fill the syringe with 30cc of normal saline to flush. Once flushed you want to retract the bulb and hope for 30 cc's of content. I only got 20, but she said it was ok. I also had a lot of new med orders come in and that got me even more behind because I was trying to get pharmacy to send the meds up blah blah blah. All of my pt's were diabetic so I had a lot of insulin to prepare. They weren't all sliding scale either. FINALLY I got to go to lunch and I didn't even eat, I was too upset and I can't even really say why. Maybe it's because I felt like I was all thumbs all day, maybe because I felt my confidence was shot that day...whatever it was, I hated the feeling. I sat down with the others and couldn't help it...I cried. If I wanted to, I could have cried more, but I had to contain it because I was in a public place. How embarassing. I think I just felt awful and I was so behind and really overwhelmed. I wasn't wanting sympathy, I wanted a release. They understand, I'm sure they feel this way too from time to time.

Anyhow the day went on and I went on, what else can you do? So here I am and I'm ok, still feeling like crap, but ok.

YEE HAW!

Last Med-Surg clinical tomorrow...dancin' the jig. I'll have 3 pt's on my own tomorrow for the first time. I'm sure I'll have some interesting things to share. 3 pt's is a lot when you're in nursing school, I think so anyway. I remember when I thought I'd die if I had more than one. Hope everyone has a good rest of the week!

I AM NOT A COMPUTER!

Mondays suck. Here is how my day began today. Got up at 6am to get kids ready for school. Took a shower, drank some coffee and left the house at nine. Got to school at 10 and finished my clinical worksheet that was due by the start of class (10:20). Forgot it was due...oops. Had nursing class until 12:20. We talked about CVA (stroke) for the whole 2 hours. On and on and on and on...oy! I was lost, she's all over the place. (Must re-write those notes later that are fit for styudying). Hope I have time for that. 12:30 began studying for micro quiz (DNA) that began at 1:00. (OOPS...Forgot Again!) Did more talking than studying...I'm burned out. 12:45 ate some Girl Scout thin mint cookies for lunch. Healthy. 1:00 took Micro test (8 questions). 1:20 began culturing eschericia coli (E.coli) and all kinds of other nasty, smelly shit. 2:00 took an open book quiz over handwashing techniques....YAWN! 2:15 noticed the girl sitting next to me staring at my face in personal growth. Shrugged it off and went about my business. 2:30 went over micro quiz taken at beginning of the class...missed 5 out of 8..I rock! lol Do I care? No...you know why? Because I'm human and even though I forgot about it, I wouldn't have had time to study for it anyway so, whatever. 2:50...cultured so more nasty crap and got to use the bunson burner...fun. 3:30 started new material and I don't know what it was because I didn't pay attention...hey my brain can only hold so much in a day ya know? 4:00 let out of class, got in car and drove home with a blank stare and a blank mind. 4:45, rolled up in my drive, took a glance in the mirror and noticed a nice chocolate smear on my chin. Oh God! Was that there since the thin mints? Yes...apparently so. No wonder that girl was staring. Why didn't anyone tell me? I'm too tired to care so I wiped my face, then my pride and made it in the house. 5:00 ate some lunch, since I never really had any, said hello to my kids and began an assignment that is due for Thursday (that I forgot to do last Thursday-never happened before) that I really want to get out of the way. 8:00 finished the assignment, helped son write a paper and now here I am typing all of my boring, long day to you fine people.

I am not a computer! I cannot possibly remember all of this crap. I have been so forgetful lately and the reason is ironic..I have so much to remember! There is so much going on right now I'm lucky I remember my name, hell sometimes I even forget who I am and why I even wanted to do this in the first place. I use to be a layed back gal, could handle anything. Now, I'm wound up as tight as a spring and any minute the tension lets loose I'll be on the floor in the fetal position rocking back and forth. lol...let's hope not. Some days, when the overwhelmness (is that a word? probably not) gets to me I wonder...why am I doing this? Is it worth all of this stress and the guilt created by not getting to see my family? I just keep reminding myself I'm alsmot there. Heck, I'm more than halfway there..it feels good to say that now. As the title of my blog states...follow me on this journey. It is a journey. It's a test of strenth, endurance, determination and drive. Overall, I think it is worth it....really worth it. I know that being an LPN or RN is hard, but I think if you can get through nursing school than anything is possible. It's the most time consuming, grueling, demanding, stressful thing I have ever done in my whole life, but I think the rewards will be greater than all of that. I'm waiting... If it weren't for my husband I don't know what I would do. He has taken over everything in our lives and doesn't complain. How lucky am I? I am lucky and even though I get on here and vent about my terrible days I know it could be much, much worse. My kids are all healthy and doing well in school and I know most moms brag about their kids, but my boys are very cool. They all have great character, senses of humor and good morals. I'm a very proud mom. Yes my husband and I disagree...a lot, but he loves me for me. When I'm down he lifts me up and gives me that push I need to keep on keepin' on. I have to keep reminding myself...it will be ok. I will make it. I will conquer this and when graduation day comes I can stand with my head held high and know that I can do anything I set my mind to. We all can. That is one thing I now know for sure....anything is possible if you want it bad enough. At the end of your schooling you normally have a pinning ceremony...honoring the nursing ancestors of the past and you can choose someone to pin you. It can be a teacher, your mom a classmate or friend, anyone who has inspired or helped you get through it. I will choose my husband Keith because he has been my arms, legs and helping hands through all of this. So, I hope that all of you going through the same as me, and I know you're out there...I hope you have that support, because it's very important. Good luck and study hard!
Peace....

How Do You Choose A Specialty?

Not much has been going on on the school front. We're now covering the neuro system. It's kind of interesting. The brain is a mysterious and complicated thing. We have our exam over the material on the 15th and the week after that is SPRING BREAK!!! YAY! I'm can't wait. As of right now we have about 8 weeks left. I can't believe that within that 8 weeks we'll have 3 more exams and a final in nursing, plus 4 psych rotations. After our neuro test the rest of the material is psych. I like psych so I'm excited about that. This week is our last med-surg rotation. I have to admit, I had fun at clinical this go round. I think it's because all of our confidence is building and feeling like a nurse gets more real every day. I do feel like I know what I'm doing most days and it's happened so gradually that it wasn't an ah-ha moment, but it feels good to not have to ask about everything and to just understand it. I still think I need a good way to do a thourough assessment without needing to look at my cheat sheet. That's my new goal...learning how to do a great assessment. Of course sometimes I still feel fumbly and awkward, but I feel I've come a long way from where I was last semester. I didn't realize when I was in 1st semester the amount of knowledge and experience you gain from there to your 3rd semester. It feels like 1st semester was a hundred years ago. I see all the 1st semester students in the hallway stressing over their skills and I want to go up and hug them and tell them it will be ok. That's me being Mother Hen. I remember those days well...sitting in the hall awaiting the intructor to walk out and call my name. I'd get the cold sweats of fear, the wash of anticipated failure. Worrying about which instructor you'd get and hoping it wasn't a certain one who loved to fail people. You'd chant your skills to yourself....don't cross the sterile field, don't cross the sterile field, tear the tape, tear the tape, check for a blood return, check for a blood return. Then the intructor you SOOO didn't want walks out and calls your name and it's in slow motion. You look around at your compadres and you see the look of pity in their eyes, but gratefulness because she didn't call their name. Sigh..those days were hell. LOL Thank goodness we don't have any skills this semester, but next semester (4th) we do. 4th semester is OB and Peds. I cannot wait. I am so freakin' excited about OB. I went into nursing because I wanted to be a Labor and Delivery nurse...as time has gone on I have second guessed myself a lot. Honestly I don't know what I want to do yet. I'd still love to do L&D, but I also want to make sure I have a career where I get to use the skills I was taught and since I haven't had an OB rotation yet I don't know what OB nursing is like. My sis works as a surgical tech in L&D and absolutley loves it, but she's an adrenaline junky too. L&D is very unpredictable and I like that. I don't want a boring job, I want something exciting and challenging. In L&D you have double the responsability because you're caring for not just one life, but two...so that's scary. I do know what I don't want to do. I don't like ortho, rehab etc... That bores me to tears. I also don't like gerontology. I worked as a CNA at a nursing home once and vowed..NEVER AGAIN! I hope no one takes offense, but it just isn't my thing and I'm glad I know that now. Med-Surg is cool because there's always something different and you definately get to use all of your skills, but I think I'd be more comfortable with a specialty. My OR rotation was great, but standing in surgery for hours at a time can be grueling and some of the docs are arseholes with huge heads and I don't think I'd take kindly to them yelling at me. I'm afraid I'd yell back. lol I'd like to get an externship this summer in L&D to make sure, but I was told not to take it unless it's what I wanted to do for certain because they'd probably want to hire me after all was said and done. Sigh...I hate not knowing and indecisiveness. I'm waiting for a bell to go off in my head signaling my future. Ding Ding Ding...this is for you! I don't know if that will happen, but we'll see.

Nursing has so many avenues and that's why it appealed to me. There are so many specialties you can choose from. Maybe I need to do some research on the ones I like and weigh the pros and cons. Yes, that's what I'll do. Listen to me thinking outloud. How bored are you by this post? lol Anyway, I think all nurses go through this at the beginning of their career. My fear is getting stuck, I've seen this happen so much. A nurse starts out somewhere and hates it but doesn't switch units or careers. I want to find something I love so much I'll never want to leave and I hope that I do. I hope that you do too.

Stabbings and American Idol

Clincal: One of my pt's... drunk and having sex with his girlfriend, caught by wife. Wife sees red, stabs him multiple times. Slices throat, punctures lung, slices fingers. Cut up all over. The man looked like he was in a fight with with some Kung Foo style shiz. Man survies, confused, alcoholic, depressed (what else?). Detox protocol, librium, ativan and the like. Prn meds-Beer. No joke, the man had beer as a prn medication (as needed). Beer + hospital= huh? Man decribes horror as I help him amublate down the hall. Honest, horror. Poor man. Wife...in jail, probably for a very, very long time. Domestic violence, infidelity, foolhardiness=lives ruined. Don't try this at home.

On to something not so depressing...Well, as we all know it's American Idol Time. That's right...I don't know about you, but American Idol is the highlight of my Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I've been watching this season from the beginning, as I always have, and I have to say...no one other than Miss Doolittle, Keisha Jones and beat box Blake have really caught my attention. Don't get me wrong there are some good singers, but where is that WOW factor we usually have? I mean I remember the first time I heard Bo Bice I was like...Oh hell Yes! The first time I heard Carrie Underwood I was blown away. Will we ever hear another voice like that on American Idol again? They are naturals, performers and people with voices that stand out above the crowd. I hope this season turns out some real talent. First of all...Sanjaya Malakar, and no I didn't google that, I'm just a great speller..., what's the deal with him? Sorry but the guy...not so good and he looks like a really tan Farrah Fawcet. I'm sure he's a nice kid, but where's the talent? I'm waiting..... American Idol is the ultimate talent show of our time. It's not just a sensation, but proves that you can be serving burgers one minute and be a grammy winner the next. Let's look at the statistics as best as my memory allows... Kelly Clarkson...grammy award winner (maybe 2 times, but more than you and I and who else can say they have a grammy?), how many number one hits has she had? I don't know, but I know it's a lot. Even that Kimberly Caldwell has a show on the TV Guide channel. Sure, we can only see half of her face sometimes, but atleast her forehead is getting some air time. Ruben Studdard, not a huge album seller, but popular in the R&B genre nonetheless. Clay Aiken, not even a winner of AI and he's sold more albums than...lots of people I'm sure. Probably more than ODB anyway. That's Old Dirty Bastard for the old folk. You have to admit....the Claymates represent! Loyalty. Fantasia Barino...winner, had a biopic on Lifetime of her life and now she starring in Broadway's hit The Color Purple on BROADWAY! Not to mention she was on Oprah yesterday pimpin' herself. She even said... "I might be poor and I might be ugly, but I'm here." Yes she did. Yes, she was on Oprah, the O Holy wisdom of goodness and light. At least for me anyway. LUV her! Anyway...Oprah...That's huge! Moving on....Carrie Underwood...need I say more? She's been on Oprah too. The chick beat out Faith Hill for a CMA award, we all remember that little scandal. Her voice is an instrument...beautiful. Bo Bice, made a nice CD, although I think he got ripped by the music biz and coerced into a pop album...so not him. The 3 songs on his album that are really good are the ones he wrote himself. He's been sick, I hope he gets better....bowel troubles. I think it perforated, twisted over eachother etc... It was really serious for a while there. I was the biggest Bo Bice fan around. I really think his voice is incredible, beautiful, soulful....yum. I had tickets to see him in my hometown and he cancelled. I was bummed, I have a major big crush on him. Yes I know I'm a grown woman! LOL Jennifer Hudson...I loved her from the beginning. I'm not hopping on any bandwagon either, I pointed her out the 1st week. Her voice is a powerhouse and she gives me the chills everytime she sings. Anyhow she won the Academy Award! That's ...unbelievable. Also been on Oprah, even bigger. I'm starting to see a trend here. Chris Daughtry...album is at #3 on the charts...poor Taylor, he's #137. Oh well. MY POINT...AI turns out some major players and those people on there now just aren't proving that they're in the game yet, save a couple. Guess we'll wait and see. I hope Antonella Barba and Sanjaya goes home...this isn't a beauty contest, it's a singing contest and they can take their pretty selves and go. There you have it, my thoughts, as jumbled as they may be.

Peace...
Posting some tributes:

Miracles Can Happen

They threw 3 questions on the last test meaning I missed 3. I got a 46 out of 49 which is a 93%-A. I rock. Word!

Von Smith-Killin' It!!

One word...A-MAZ-ING!!!!!!!!!!!
Get this boy a contract!

Thank God Almighty, She's Alive!

I hope everyone has had a good weekend. Mine has been fabulous thanks. I've done a lot of relaxing....no school work! Not that I don't have any, I just don't want to do it. Ha! I'm such a good example. Speaking of good examples...I ended up making an 88% (B)on my Renal/Male Reproductive test Friday. WOOT! I missed 6 out of 51. Just like everytime, I was shocked. I actually thought the test was easy. Easier than I anticipated anyway. There was so much that wasn't on there and that bugged me because we spent so much of our time talking about certain things and it wasn't even mentioned. ARG! I don't know why she does that. I think she has about 100 books sitting around that say..."The nursing test questions and answers they'll never get right." LOL It just seemes like these questions are made for geniuises sometimes. Not that I'm implying I am one, because I'm certainly not, but many people have failed her tests over and over and there has to be a reason for this. Especially since they've always done really well in other semesters. I can't put a finger on why I'm passing, as I said it's always a surprise to me that I am. I think I'm just a good narrower. I can narrow most answers down pretty well. I didn't study until the last minute. I'm usually way too nervous to do a thing like that, but this time I just didn't care. That is until 2 days before and I was freaking out. I really shouldn't complain about the test considering I passed, but I just can't help but wonder why she chooses some of the questions she does. Bizarre. If I could remember any of them I would post them and give you and example. Fortunately I don't remember a one after the test is over and they don't give you oppportunity to remember them either. It's all top secret shizz ya know? Straight up confidential, you'll be lucky if you ever see those questions again, even for review sort of stuff. They're afraid we'll tell the semester behind us or something....as if! I worked my arse off and they should too. I'm not giving anything away. LOL I still think they should let us see our tests...I mean, how else will we learn what we did wrong? Anyway...

Clinical was pretty exciting last Thursday. My partner and I shared 3 pt's. One was a 68 y/o diabetic who had all of his toes amputated, he also tested positive for MRSA, he had a hx of coronary artery disease, MI (heart attack), CVA (stroke),he had right side hemiparesis (paralysis), he was blind in his left eye and deaf in his right ear. Needless to say I expected the worse when I went in. When I walked in his room there he sat devouring his breakfast with his good hand and laughing heartily with a friend. What a refreshing sight. Yes, he was in one of the worse ways one could be in, but you couldn't tell it. The man still had his sense of humor and a good spirit. Bless his heart. Never once did he complain or ask me for help. He was as independant as his frail body would allow him to be. I just loved him, not to mention he was as cute as a button. Reminded me of my grandpa. If I'd had the time I would have sat and talked to him for hours. Our other patient was another story. He was a 40 y/o that was admitted for acute abdominal pain. Tests revealed no obstruction and no cardio problems. He had a hx of alcohol and drug abuse, but stated he'd been clean for 2 years. When I walked in the room he was pacing the flooring moaning and groaning. He had just had a morphine injection IM an hour prior and stated it did nothing for the pain. The way he was acting got me a little worried. His HR was 61 and BP and resp were normal. Hmm...interesting. Wonder what was wrong with him. I tried everything, deep breathing, more pain meds, ambulating (which he claimed did actually work) of course it did....don't you know I know everything :-) I believe he had some severe gas pain. I don't know if any of you had ever had really bad gas, but when it's trapped under your ribs it's hurts terribly and there's not a lot you can do about it but hope it moves. That's why I suggested walking around. I put in a Dulcolax suppository and he still hadn't went #2 by the time I left...8 hours later. Time for the noon vitals and my partner asked me to take his BP because the automatic machine wouldn't read it. So I did it the old fashioned way and I kept inflating the cuff and went all the way to 290 to get the diastolic pressure! His systole was 154! What the.... By this time he was laying in bed as quiet as lamb having cold sweats....this isn't good! I went and grabbed the nurse and told her what I got so she double checked...same. We called his DR stat. I was afraid he'd stroke out on me. He'd just had a shot of Morphine 1 hour prior. Normally pain meds will bring your pressure down. I wish I had an end to this story to give you, but unfortunately we left before his doc got there so I don't know what happened to him. All night I layed in bed wondering if it was something I did, what did I miss, did I assess everything? He took up most of my time that day so I was always with him and don't think I missed anything. It still bugs me why his pressure would get so high so fast. THe only thing I gave him all days was Morphine injections which was q 3 hrs prn as prescribed and I gave him a suppository. Oh well, I hope he's ok. It's out of my hands now.
Our last pt was a 70 y/o woman who'd been in the hospital for about a month. She was in acute renal failure and had coded about 4 times since she's been admitted. She was a full code so I was really hoping she wouldn't decide to code on me that day. Her last code required emergency surgery. She had a perforated bowel and it caused her to have sepsis. Her incision looked horribly infected. Yellow pus and blood galore. We cleaned it as best we could but it was badly dehisced sp?(open). I wonder why the doc left it partially open like that....I believe it had internal stiches but the external ones came apart. Ick. She also had an illeostomy. I had to let me trusty partner empty it. There is just something about draining poo out of a bag that bothers me terribly. I'm not a gagger, but I became one that day. Not in front of the pt of course. ;-) Thank goodness she never coded and all was well.
One of my buds had a weird case. Her pt was a 20ish woman who was beat up by two chicks at a bar...over some guy I believe. Pffftt! Anyway, she was beat up pretty badly. She had a chest tube and all. So her man, I'm sure he's the winner they were fighting over, stayed the night with her the night she was admitted. They ended up getting into a fight in the hospital and he beat her up too! I guess he thought her first beating wasn't good enough. He wanted to finish the job. He hit her in the ear a couple of times with his fist causing her to bleed from her head and he gave her a couple of good blows near her chest tube. What an awesome guy. I'd sure fight for him if I were her. Geesh. Any man that would hit me right in my collapsed lung deserves my time. I mean...that's love right? All hearts and flowers in my book. Asshole. Needless to say he was escorted off the property and told not to ever come back. I hope she takes this as a hint...he isn't good for you sister. Let the skanky bar chicks have him. Maybe he can hit them and show them just how much of a great guy he is too! The story ended up being on the radio the next morning. I'm sorry, I just get carried away....I hate any man that would abuse a woman, or anyone else for that matter. Makes me crazy.

Ok Grey's Anatomy.....Merideth is alive! That episode was really good. I felt so bad for McDreamy, he was having war within himself over her. I never even thought Mer would try to kill herself until he suggested it. When he walked in and started to tell her Mom it was all her fault I was glad. That lady made her life miserable. She played crazy well huh? Demanding and controlling old bat. LOL The after life scenes were a little weird....why did that girl keep bleeing? Was it because she hadn't moved on to the light yet? I couldn't figure it out. I loved seeing Denny again, but I thought he'd say more about Izzy, but what he did say was enough. I loved when he 'felt' her presence. His expression spoke volumes. I hope he's moved onto the light, if he already hasn't. Merideth's perfromance was top notch in this episode. I cried for her and when she finally said ouch I cried with relief she wasn't brain dead. Which I don't see how that's medically possibly after being dead for like EVER. That's tv for ya. She seemed so desperate and raw and real...I loved it. When she saw her mom.....Oh my goodness! That was incredible...for a second I thought she'd get her mom's organs or something lol. I'm just glad she finally told her she wasn't ordinary, maybe now she can get on with her life. Cristina was so good in this epi too. When she went shopping at the 99 cent store I thought she'd lost her mind then she showed up... I think that her presence helped Merideth come back. When Callie confronted Izzy was uncomfortable, but I think Izzy needed to hear it. Whether George really loves Callie or not, it's not Izzy's business now. Callie is a strong level headed woman. All she can do is offer for Izzy's friendship, Iz is being selfish right now. I liked the episode overall....was that the finale? Anyway, if I think of anything else I'll post it soon. I'm ready to watch the Oscars tonight. Sorry about the typos...I'm sure there's a ton.
Peace...

Oh yeah...I wanted to mention I have 3 more tests, a final exam, 2 clinicals on the med surg floor, 4 clinicals at the psych hospital and I'll be done for the semester. That's not a lot to accomplish in about 8 more weeks is it? Oh yes, and I also have all kinds of tests and homework in Mico to do. I sometimes forget I even have that class. LOL One day at a time sweet Jesus.

Is It Summertime Yet?

I feel so incredibly guilty right now. I have had all weekend to work on my notes and studying for my upcoming test on Friday and I've done very little of it. That's really not like me, but I just am so burned out and I wanted to spend some quality time with my boys. Is that so bad? I'm feeling the pressure now. I have today and tomorrow off and don't go back to class until Wednesday so I should have had all of this done already. Sigh. Ugh. I hate guilt and I hate deadlines. I have about 9 1/2 weeks left of this semester. That doesn't sound long, but it is. We have 3 more clinicals on the med-surg unit, then we get 2 weeks off (one of those weeks is spring break..WOOT!)then we have 4 clinicals at a psych facility. The psych facility is about an hour away which means I'll have to get up at 4am and leave by 5:30 in the morning.....Lordy. I hope I don't oversleep. I've never been late to class or clinical but my biggest fear is oversleeping and don't think I haven't pulled an all nighter before cramming for a test afraid I'd sleep through it. Don't do it, I felt like a zombie the next day. Once this semester is over I'll have the summer off, (Thank you Jesus) aside from one humanities class (hopefully art) and that's no big deal. Anything is cake compared to nursing. I am sooooooooooooooo looking forward to the summer break. I CANNOT wait!!! Really. Seriously. I'm really seriously serious. I'm counting down the weeks, days, hours and minutes. So where I stand now I have a little over 2 months, 9 1/2 weeks , that's about 66 days, 1584 hours and 95,040 seconds left. Shew! You think I can do this? I've done it everytime before, but this semester takes the cake. I hope you all are doing a lot better than I am, because as of right now I'm hating nursing school. I have to force myself to go everyday....not a good sign. I keep telling myself that if I can make it to the end I'll have the summer off....if I can just make it.... I guess in order to do that I need to get my lazy butt off my blog and study huh? Drats. I hate responsability. LOL

OOhhhh... oooh...guess what else I have to look forward to this summer? Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows is being releases 7-21-07 and I'm soooo excited...and sad at the same time!!! I don't want it to end. It's the final installment of the Harry Potter series...year 7. First of all, let me explain myself. I know I am a dork and all, but this is the best series of books I have ever read in my entire life and I'm not ashamed to admit that. One day while browsing through my sons book collection I saw the first of the series....The Sorcerers Stone. I took it with me outside to have some fluff to read while I tanned. I layed there so long I forgot I was in the sun and I got burned, that is how mesmerized I was from the first page. Fluff it ain't...it's a spectacular, beautiful, fun, intriguing, mystery masterpiece. I have read every single book within the first month of reading the first. And have read a few more than once. I RARELY EVER do that. I couldn't get enough and wanted to know what would happen to our Harry. This woman....JK Rowling had the last book planned when she wrote the first book. She has mapped out this adventure so meticulously it has left all of the millions and gazilliosn of readers searching for clues, hints, and theories for years. She never makes anything obvious. In fact, it's the opposite. She's so subtle with her clues that you think nothing of them..until later. She's a genuis and I don't throw that word around lightly. This book is not for children alone. Frankly, I don't know if children under the age of 13 should even read them, because they're kinda dark and twisty, as Merideth would say. Plus, there are so many twists, turns etc I'm not sure a child would get the full effect. Have I sold these books to you yet? LOL Anyway, there is so many loose ends to tie up in the last book I can't wait to see how she did it and I can't wait to start the whole series again. I hope it's the best one she's ever written. They're timeless. Ok...so enough about Harry Potter. I must get to work and not leave the books until midnight. Have a great day!

There's A Big Pink Elephant In The Room

Ok...I have ignored this long enough.....What in the BLOODY HELL is wrong with Britney Spears?!!!!!!!!!!!! Has the girl just lost her damn mind or what? Everyday I have read about her slowly circling the fame drain and now I think she's landed right in the gutter. The chick has gone plum crazy. Shaving her head? WTF??!!! Ok, we all know by now that her hair was looking mighty mangy lately. And who didn't notice that everytime she went out she was showing us her goodies, not to mention her weave tracks were hanging all out for the world to see, (I don't know which is worse-HA), but to go completely bald? I know your hair was lookin' a little ratty lately, but DANG girlfriend, you didn't have to break out the razor! With all of your money you could have new, beautiful, flowing in the wind hair everyday. Wonder what kind of crazy wigs she's going to break out now. Lordy. Hmmm....it's a mystery. The rumors are she checked herself into rehab and then she checked herself out the next day, shaved her head and got a new tattoo. What happened to our little pop princess? When we first heard of her separation from Fed-Ex I thought....FINALLY she is back to her senses and the world will return to normal again. I've watched her party every night and act like a fool.....pretty normal for a new divorcee, but she has gone too far!!! ENOUGH Britney! You have 2 kids who depend on you girl! What are you doing to yourself???!!! It's time to stop all this ridiculous behavior and change your life. You have went from this cute girl that all of America loved to the poster child for white trash. It's over. If I were in her camp I'd lock her up in a room and give her a good makeover, put her in detox and send her crazy arse to rehab STAT! What must her mother think of this? Are they all blind, don't they read the tabloids? I know that they are more than not a bunch off hoo ha, but photos don't lie. GET THIS GIRL SOME HELP PLEASE!!! GEEZ, I'm shocked. I don't know what else to say...................

Moving on...... Let's talk about Grey's Anatomy. Last week they had the ferry boat disaster. I'm not sure of what really happened. Did they say that a bomb exploded on the ferry? Anyway, As Merideth stood over an injured man she accidentaly got knocked in the bay and the show ended there. The next show picked up where the last left off and Derrick jumped in to save our Mer. I don't know about you all, but I think the chick looked pretty darn dead. I mean they worked on her for 20 minutes and then....asystole....flatline (dead). I know that they can't kill her off, I mean the show is called GREY'S Anatomy afterall, but how will they revive her? Then we see her in the 'afterlife'.....then there He was...................................Denny. Gasp! Sigh! Dead or not, he looked gorgeous. Will Denny give her a message to give to Izzy? Will she stay there in the beyond forever? Will she be in a medical coma? What direction will this go? Arg...I hate waiting for next week. Speaking of Izzy, did anyone else think her little speech that was terribly timed? At first I thought she's lost her mind too, then she turned on George and told him that it was a mistake to marry Callie (O'Malley). Where did this come from? And what an odd time for her to bring it up...I mean her friend is laying on the bed dead as a door knob and all she can think of is George's marriage? I think the writers need to get back to basics. Although I love and live for the show, I still think some of the characters are askewed lately. And why is it so bad for Cristina to want to tell her best friend Merideth about her engagement? Why does Preston have to get his panties all in a wad because of that? I don't like his character much anymore anyway, but he's just coming off as more of a jerk lately. I sincerely hope thay they don't kill off Merideth and have her do voice overs like they do on Desperate Housewives. Weird. I can't wait to see what happens next week. This show is definately taking twists and turns that I didn't anticipate. I hope it doesn't turn into some beyond the grave, sci-fi, glorified soap opera. Are you reading this Shonda Rhimes? I hope you are (I'm absolutly positive you're not) but you have some thinking to do.

Well....I'm rendered speechless again. I can't wait to see what will happen to our crazy little Britney tomorrow. Stay tuned.

TGIF

I hope everyone had a good Valentines day. Mine was nice, even though I didn't get home until late. It's Friday...Halleluah! I don't go back to school until Wed.. right on. We're off Monday, my regular day off is Tuesday so no class till Wednesday. Yee Haw. Our next test is next Friday so I have all weekend and then some to study, which means I should have no excuse if I fail. I'm going to wait until tomorrow to start though. A girl needs a little r&r ya know? Clinical this week was good. Very hectic, but I got to do a few new things. Lets see....I got to do my first real central line dressing, had no problems there. I also got to draw blood from her central line, no probs there either besides the fact that I kept trying to draw it with the line clamp on....woopsy. I eventually figured it out. He he. I didn't realize how dang hard it was to pull blood out of there. It seemed like I used all my force to pull back on the syringe. Crazy! That's about it. The more I do nursing stuff, the less excited I get about it. Not because I don't like it, but it's kind of starting to become second nature in a way. Not skills though, it will be a loooong while before that's second nature, I'm talking about the nursey parts. It's fun. I had a 21 year old victim of a MVA (motor vehicle accident) he was on a bunch of prescription pills and drilled a tree. He was trying to get me to sneak him some pills.....tsssk tssssk. I can't believe he even had the nerve to ask me. Who does he think I am? I've noticed that younger people tend to be selfish, and he was. There was no way I was/am going to risk all of this so that he could get high. What a little sh*t. LOL Even though he was trying to pester me all day he did provide some entertainment. We had to call security to find him at one point in the day, he was wandering around like he wasn't a pt. Sneaky, sneaky.
Well, have a good weekend everyone and stay safe!
Peace...

Love Can Make You Stupid

I figured I'd go ahead and post this because tomorrow is not only Valentines day, but Wednesday and Wed is my super busy day. Holidays just don't mean as much to me anymore as they did when I was younger. I like Valentines day, but I won't fold up and die if I don't get any flowers. I remember when I was a freshman in high school I had a crush on this boy who didn't know I existed. He rode my bus and everyday I would try to sit as close to him as possible...without making it obvious ya know. His sister and I were friends and I'd go to her house for sleepovers, but the whole time I was scoping out her brother. He he he. He had a horse and I loved horses, grew up with them and loved any man who could ride. Plus he was tall, dark and handsome...who could resist? I'd watch him ride his horse and sometimes it seemed like he was riding in slow motion....a total movie moment. Anyway, he asked me one day if I wanted to go riding with him and I of course said yes. I saddled up the horse, he was impressed by that (snicker), and we rode off into the sunset....literally. I remember the sky was orange and pink and it was a warm spring day...a perfect time for a blossoming romance. We talked about....stupid stuff I'm sure because back then what else did you talk about? Ha. I think he started to "like" me that day, but he'd never ask me over/out whatever. I kept telling myself he was shy. Uh huh. Denial. So...getting to my point, Valentines day came and I got this fantastic idea. I'd send flowers to myself (yes, I really did that) at school and when I'd get on the bus, he'd see them and maybe then he'd realize just how in love with me he was and ask me out once and for all. A little competition never hurt anyone right? So, there I am with flowers in hand ready to board the big orange bus. I climb in the seat nearest the front so he'd be sure to notice me once he got on. I watched and waited and waited.............he never got on the stinkin' bus! If I remember correctly, he went home with a friend that day. How humiliating and DESPERATE of me. Geesh. LOL Some of the ridiculous things we did/do for love huh? I saw him many years later when I was, dare I say, looking pretty cute and there he was standing in front of me with his wife, who let me say wasn't very attractive, but I'm sure she's lovely ;), and he looked like he saw a ghost or something. He just turned and walked away. Weird. I never could figure that one out. Maybe he smelled my desperation and I probably turned him off with all the drooling and such. LOL Just kidding. Anyway...that was my stupid Valentines day moment. One that I'll never forget nonetheless.

Since then I've had far better moments, ones that I'll always cherish, but Valentines day just doesn't do anything for me. Yes, it's nice to be told you're loved and to get a sweet card....that's always nice, but I'd rather get my kids something cute and make them feel loved and special. My husband buys me flowers all the time, which means a lot more than when it isn't expected. He's always done nice things like that. :-)

So, for all you lovesick fools out there. I hope you have a wonderful Valentines day and get to spend it with your sweetheart.

Poor Anna Nicole, Poor Instructor, Poor Me

I can't believe that Anna Nicole Smith is gone. What a tragedy. First she gave birth to a beautiful daughter, then her son dies within the same week, then she's in a big who's the daddy scandal, then she's being sued and now she's dead. You ask yourself...how much more can one person endure? I guess we all know the answer to that question now. Although it's shocking, wasn't this kind of expected? Maybe not so soon, but I don't know if any of you have watched the news lately but her whole life was a big ole mess. I don't mean to be disrespectful of the departed, but she always seemed so out of it. I wondered sometimes if it was just an act and I hope a lot of it was. I can't imagine that she lived this way all of the time. Somewhere behind the glossy eyes was a real person with real feelings. She was human afterall. Celebrity or no, life can take it's toll on anyone. I didn't know her of course, but my perception is that the girl was just looking for acceptance, love and above all herself. She came from less than humble beginnings and rose to fame for just being herself. Was she really famous for anything really other than her huge personality? Sometimes the price of fame is incredibly high. There are a lot of things about her story that bothers me, or rather, makes me wonder. First of all, her son died in her hospital room. The one place you'd think you'd have a great chance of being recussitated if an emergency occured. I know that he was found a little while after he died, but why? I always wondered why someone didn't notice him dead sooner. I'm not speculating that there was foul play or anything, but I think it's really sad how he died in her hospital room. If someone had just walked in there earlier.... And there are reports that her "personal nurse" found her dead and called for help with CPR. Hmm....personal nurse....where was she before she passed out several times and vomited in bed? And why the hell didn't she start CPR? AND why would her nurse let her heavily medicate herself and not intervene? Why did she have Howard K. Stern's prescriptions? If this is true it's probably best to believe that he got those prescirptions for her, but if he loved her.....why? I'm sure he knew her better than anyone....didn't he know she was in danger and where was the weirdo/husband/lawyer when she was laying in her bed dying? We may never know the answers to any of this and it really isn't any of our business is it? It's captivating nonetheless and atleast now she can rest in peace with her son Daniel. Maybe this is the only peace she's ever had, we'll never really know. I can't believe her mother is already on the news talking about her dead daughter. Some people have no shame. Shouldn't she be grieving? Sigh! Kinda makes you realize why she was estranged with her to begin with. Poor Anna Nicole...she was so beautiful. Maybe her life really did parallel Marilyn Monroe's. Maybe Anna always knew her life would end at a young age. I really hate this for her baby girl who'll never know her mother and for what she'll go through in the coming months. No, she isn't old enough to know and that's for the best, but where will that poor baby end up? It's all still so unbelievable and I hope that those close to her will make peace with this.

Moving on....I ended up getting a 92% on my last exam. That's an A people......an A!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They threw out a couple of questions and took two answers on 3 others which I got credit for so I only ended up missing 3. It's a miracle. Here is what is so strange about this....did I tell you that half of the people failed the test? Well, I was wrong, we found out today that 3/4 of them failed. What does that tell you about these tests? They're freakin' hard and if she was a good instructor more than half of the students wouldn't be failing. We've never had these many failures before now....before her. She's so defensive about it too, which makes it worse. She needed to take this as a sign, humble her rocket scientist brain self and take it down a notch. I don't see that happening and the sad thing is she'll be teaching the majority of the next 2 exams.....God help us all. I passed by shear luck I did. I still felt like I was guessing and that isn't a good feeling, especially when you studied your arse off. I really shouldn't be complaining, but those who failed...that could have easily been me. I'm no different or smarter than those folks, I just managed to somehow play eenie meenie miney moe better than them. Many who failed, failed it hard and so their final grade was still a failing one. Damn it all huh? Our other instructor, the good one and my clinical instructor, she spoke with a few of us after clinical (which was the worst ever by the way...for one student who made a terrible potassium med error, bad, bad, bad and I'm not going into it b/c it's way too long) and she ended up breaking down and crying to us. The teacher.....crying....because she's stresssed.....what's wrong with this picture? Something fishy is going on at my school between the instructors and I don't know what it is, but it ain't good. Before the breakdown, she also yelled at us and told us all to leave, get the heck out, go home! We all sat there staring at her wondering if she was serious. She was. Another long story... We didn't leave, we changed the subject and pretended like it didn't happen. Can you say awkward? It was....you could cut the tension like a knife. She's human and confided in us because we confided in her. She asked us what she could do to help these students pass and what they were doing wrong as teachers. It isn't her, it's the other 'one' and we told her so, no holds barred, raw, truthful and quite frankly courageous because who'd do that? LOL She's at her breaking point as we all are. It goes to show that some instructors really do care and carry the weight and the guilt for those who aren't succeeding. But what does success mean when you do all you can to prepare for an exam, yet you still cannot pass it? It isn't the students, truly and we told her so. But....there is nothing she can do, she's stuck, trapped.....politics....sucks. It was a very real conversation. I could see the pain in her eyes. One woman, carrying all of us on her shoulders, her license, her career, her conscience. She guides us and works very hard to teach us, but mistakes happen on her time, and she's held responsible, she's the one to answer the questions in the hot seat. As the three of us sat there, wondering why she chose us to pour out her heart to, we connected. We understood eachother. 3 woman with families, work, responsability, home obligations. It wasn't a conversation of one instructor to a student, it was a stress relief of 3 struggling people trying to work through the chaos. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, because I can't say too much, it wouldn't be right, but I want to say that I learned a lot about the goings on of our school and it's really scary and I'm scared. BUT we all feel better now and all we can do is keep on keepin' on as I always say. Some things can't be changed so you have to make the change and adapt. I've done a lot of that in my life......

Anyway...I hope I pass this semester. I know that right now I'm sitting at about an 89% average ( the last test they ended up throwing some ?'s out and I made an 86% YIPPY!), but that can change in a second. Those people can make awesome grades on the next 2 tests and I can fail them and be in their shoes. You never know. I keep saying....it can't get any worse than it is. Next semester has to be better(FINAL SEMESTER_WOOOOHOOO!...maybe :-/ ). I think the majority of the problem is that we are the guinea pigs for a new schedule. They changed it around this semester and as they're finding out....it isn't working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!

We're now talking about the renal system.....yawn. I am just not into the material this semester, but it is interesting sometimes. Renal calculi....I am all up on that because I have them all the time. Kidney stones....they're a real pain in the......literally. OUCH!

OH, OH, OH, I forgot to mention.....I had an opportunity to start my 1st IV on a pt who was going to go to surgery. He needed an 18 gauge needle...yikes! That's huge by the way. So my classmate said...practice on me. I thought she was out of her mind, but if she didn't care......he he he. We didn't have the same needles. We practiced with butterfiles for skills, they use angiocaths I think, so it took getting use to. I tried on her twice and got blood both times but blew the vein. Woopsy. I decided not to start his IV because I didn't feel I had a good technique down yet and didn't want to torture the poor guy. Oh well, there's always another opportunity. Atleast I got to try my hand at it and thanks Tracy for letting me poke and prod on you and I'm sorry I hurt you. lol

Have a good weekend folks. I'm sure the next time I post I'll have some other crazy shiz to tell ya about.

Keepin' it lively....

Christy

p.s. posted a new video/song...check, check, check it out

I also had to re-post some of my vids and find new versions because they weren't available on you tube anymore....hmmm...there must be some new regulations going on. Take away the television, take away the internet, but if you take away the music you're taking away my soul!

Thank You 6lb 8oz Baby Jesus

Oh my goodness that test was so hard. It seemed like there were always 2 questions that were right and I felt like I was playing eenie meenie miney mo with them. It was a crap shoot and I thought for sure that I failed it and I thought I failed it bad....as in.. missing half the questions!!! I was ready to walk out and not come back halfway through I was so frustrated. Half of the class failed the test. HALF. That's a lot for a nursing test. I missed 7. I passed. I cannot believe it. Im still in shock. I got an 83% (C). I have since learned that they have already thrown out 2 of the questions so far so this means I missed 5 and I got an 87%(B). Even though I passed I am still upset and angry because I didn't think the questions were fair or worded in a way that we understood them. The 2nd instructors questions were fine....it's only the first. It's always the first....Mrs. Ambiguous.

I felt awful afterwards...drained. I was ready to go home, but we had lecture and had to start all new material....Renal. Yippy. You could feel the tension in the air in our class. Of course we are NOT allowed to discuss the test with the instructors afterward (big no-no), we're just left to sit and stew until the next day of class when they'll go over it with us. Torture.
Many people were talking about how they have now failed both tests....that's not a good feeling for the rest of the semester ya know? When you fail even one nursing test and you come to the final you can only miss so many questions or you'll fail the whole class....I hate that. SO that is what is weighing on many minds and I feel their pain. All of this hard work and you just can't get ahead. It's a scary roller coaster ride and your fate and future are in the hands of those instructors. You have to have a 78% in the class to move on to the next semester. If your final avereage is a 77.9% (D) they WILL NOT round up. No matter what, or so we're told, but I'd like to think that if it was that close they would, but it's in the handbook NO ROUNDING!!! In fact, they don't even round for tests. I think I got an 83.7..but my final grade for the test is just a lil old 83. I'm hapy with it and just thrilled I passed. I think God intervened and threw me a bone this time. Maybe he sees how hard I'm working and decided to let this one slide. :-)

Speaking of God. After class my friend M and I were hanging out in the break area waiting for our Micro class to start and an old 101 instructor walks by and asks if we're going to go to another building to get some food. They always have a lot of committees and club meetings that serve lunch that's free to the students. I was starving by this time so I said ok. So we walk in and I discover that we're in a christian student's meeting and there are only like 6 people there all who are putting in prayer requests. I felt bad because I was just there to eat and only had 20 minutes before my next class. I was going to get my food and take it with me, but then that would be rude wouldn't it? So I took advantage of the situation and decided to thank God that I had passed this last test and everyone got a big laugh out of it. I then scarfed down my food, said my apologies for eating and running and scurried out. I'm a christian and you better believe that I pray, but I couldn't help but feel like I was walking into somewhere I didn't belong. I wonder now if you have to be a member to eat free lunch. lol Oh well...it was a nice respite before the next class...eating ham and praying...what could be a better refreshment?

After micro we were off again...off to the hospital to pick up our assignments for clinical tomorrow. I have 3 pt's.....sheesh. I don't think my partner will be there. She missed class today because she was sick. I'd have to be on my death bed before I'd miss a nursing test because you have to wait until the end of the semester to re-take it. By that time you're worried about the final and who wants to be re-learning all of that material at that time? Not me, no way.

Well...I'm glad I passed. I'm glad that's over. Heck, if they throw out another couple of questions, I may even end up with an A...who woulda thunk it?

Peace and Love

Have any of you seen Taladega Nights (post heading reference). It's hilarious!

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

Got another big test tomorrow. Wish me luck. It's over Integument (burns-thermal, electrical and chemical. Hypothermia and frost bite) and Immune (HIV and AIDS, Lupus, blood transfusions and rx, anaphylaxix, different types of hypersensitivity rx, sepsis and septic shock, immunogloblins, lymphoctyes etc, etc...) It doesn't sound like a lot, but it really is. I have over 35 written pages of notes and about 8 powerpoints. I am not sure about how I'll do, but I know that right now I'm feeling pretty anxious about it. In 12 more hours I'll be sitting there at my desk panicking as always. I hate the way this instrucor teaches, or rather throws information at us and sends us on our way. She talks waaaaay over our heads and thinks we know a lot more than we do at this point. I wonder if she talks this way to prove to us how smart she is. I sometimes get that impression, which is fine, but we aren't smart and I want her to explain things to me like I'm in kindergarten ok? LOL Some teachers are just better at explaining than others and when you're dealing with a new concept (septic shock) and you aren't completely clear about what's going on and the phases, someone needs to break it down for you and she ain't that kinda person. Whew...that was windy. I just hope and pray she doesn't try to kill us with the questions because she's one of those ya know? I don't care what anyone says...her questions are tricky and she likes it that way. TRICKSTER!

The other instructor (who taught burns/skin) centers her questions around exactly what she taught. No games involved with her. They are challening and require a lot of critical thinking, but atleast she's straighforward about what she wants. If I'm going to miss a question, I'd like it to be because I just didn't remember or know the answer, rather than because I didn't understand the question. I hate it when that happens. Anyway... tune in tomorrow to see how I did. At this point it's completely up in the air, unpredictable and has no bearing on how much I studied. I am definately not in Kansas anymore kids.

Until next time....
Dorothy

p.s. I got my micro test postponed until Monday instead of tomorrow....Shew.

Not Bald Yet

I wrote a big, long post a couple of days ago and went to preview it and when I was finished I hit the back button instead of closing the preview window and lost the post. Arg...don't you hate when that happens? It frustrated me so much that I haven't been on here since. So, now I'm over it and back to post again. I'm glad it's the weekend, but today and tomorrow will be spent studying for my next test on Wednesday (Immune and Integument). I'd rather be cleaning or shopping or just watching the tube. I'd really rather be doing anything but looking at any more nursing crap. I'm so burned out and unmotivated right now. Plus one of my instructors is really p*ssing me off with all this extra work she's been giving us. She has no idea just how busy we are. I think they forget what it was like.

We had clinical on Thusday. I didn't have a normal clinical day like the others, but another girl and I went to CCU and observed. Every semester we go to specialty units for one day and just watch basically. 1st semester we got to follow a wound care nurse around. Lots of ulcers, gangrenous toes etc... Not my thang! 2nd semester we went to the OR and I wrote about that in a previous post. I got to see a breast reduction and an above the knee amputation. Sometimes the nurses will let us do some things, sometimes not. Thursday I got to watch a DR remove a lady's balloon pump and that was kinda cool....and gross. SHe let out a loud grunt when it came out. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a balloon apparatus that's inserted through an artery in the groin area and threaded into the aorta of the heart. Everytime the heart pumps it inflates to push more blood through the heart. It assists the heart and decreases the work load. She had CHF and had a huge blockage that was inoperable. We all know what that means... She's 61 years old. Sad. When the DR removed it blood squirted across the room...good thing I had sense of mind to move out of the way...quick!!! It went everywhere. Shot straight out towards where I was standing previously. It was crazy. I got to remove her arterial line....it was also inserted through the groin. The nurse told me that once I removed it I had to use gauze and apply all of my body weight on her to stop the bleeding and I had to hold it there for 20 minutes. I removed it and out squirted the blood. She was a large woman and I had to dig in pretty far down to hold pressure. I was basically laying on her to stop the bleeding and the harder I pushed down the more the blood was pooling all around my hands. I was wrist deep in blood and I have to admit I was a little wigged out by it. I couldn't hold pressure anymore, I was tiring out so the nurse took over and I ripped off those gloves and surveyed my hands. My classmate was smiling and laughing at me. Thank God for latex. :-) She is going to be bruised and sore for weeks after that. They removed all of this because the prognosis was bad, so why not let her be without all of the appliances ya know? She seemed to be in ok spirits. We bathed her afterwards because she was made to lay flat on her back for 5 days without so much as a bed bath. She was thankful and kept telling us so. Sometimes all it takes is a warm wash cloth on the face to make one feel better and if that was the most I could do for her then I would.

After our observation we met the rest of our group who'd had clinical in the cafeteria for post conference. Our instructor (not the one I'm pissed at) kept myself and the classmate M who was with me all day behind afterward to "talk" to us. She told us that she knows how hard of a time we're having taking the extra class and if there was anything she could do she would. She told us that compared to a lot of others we were doing great. She seemed to really care for our well beings. I opened my heart to her and vented about everything. I told her how my hair was starting to fall out and how my anxiety level has been raised 10 fold this semester and she understood and comforted us. I tld her how hard it was to raise 4 kids and have a husband and so all of this at the same time. She was really understanding and offered us some good advice. She even told us that her and the other instructors don't always meet eye to eye and she thinks that some of the questions that the 'other' chooses for our tests are more designed for 5 year nurses rather than 3rd semester students. All in all it was a great conversation and it made me and M feel so much better. Atleast now we know that perhaps they, or atleast she, really does know what we're going through. I have a new found respect for her. She was really nurturing.
(I hope all of that made sense) lol

This is the hardest semester of my life. Here it is 3 weeks in and I'm already saying this, but it's so true. I spoke with my sister yesterday about it. She's a surgical tech on the labor and delivery unit. I was telling her how busy we are and how mentally draining it is and about all the pressure I'm under and she said..." I know how hard it is, I've been there." I'm sorry y'all, I hope I don't p*ss off any surgical techs because they do are hard workers and have a tiring job. BUT NO.....SHE DOESN"T KNOW!!!!!! It isn't the same in any capacity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nursing & surgical techs are not the same thing. They didn't have to learn anything near to what we do. They are there to assist the nurses and doctors in surgery. They learn equipment and sterile technique, CPR and basic anatomy. They do not have to know 5000 + medications with their trade name, generic name, what the drug does and the side effects. They do not have to know how to assess a patient's entire body within a conversation. They do not have to know how to insert IV's, suction someones tracheostomy, give injections, put in NG tubes, intubate a pt who's stopped breathing, and ON AND ON AND ON!!! Sorry...I went off a litte there. He he. It just gets my goat (yes I said that) when someone says to me...I know I've been there if they aren't a nurse. Or when an accounting student proceeds to tell me that their job is harder than mine. Of course I just said..."uh huh"...."mmm hmm" to my sister. I didn't go off like a raging lunatic, but it is disheartening ya know? I mean, there are peoples lives in our hands and they are dependant on us to know what we're doing so we don't kill them. SO yes, I know that this is supposed to be hard and it should be. I wouldn't want a nurse caring for me who failed fundamentals...would you? LOL But the pressure is so monumentous it's sometimes hard to go on. I want to quit every day I walk though those doors. I use to love walking through them, stressed or not, but now I dread it. The end is drawing nearer and with it comes great responsability. The pressure isn't just about passing anymore, it's about ...can I really do this? Do I have the balls for this job? It's more of a reality now than ever. We're being viewed as the next generation of new nurses. Recruiters are throwing themselves at us like blood thirsty vampires with all the free goodies...fully paid tution, sign on bonuses, pens, lunch, fun little bags. lol The shortage is such a big deal and what's going to happen once all the baby boomers are all old? There won't be anyone to care for them...it's scary. If you don't believe me then read this: http://archives.cnn.com/2001/HEALTH/05/07/nursing.shortage/index.html

That's some scary stuff folks. Crisis. The most I had to worry about before all of this was..dr's appointments, grocery shopping, looking cute and being a housewife. LOL Now I'm go home thinking, did I check that pt's distal pulses? Did I forget to give him his medication? Did I do the assessment right? Etc... So, yea my hair is starting to fall out and I'm always feeling like I'm the thin line of sanity and just plain crazy. No, I'm not bald yet. LOL No I'm not really crazy yet, just a little. So please don't flame my post. I'm just a little stressed and tired...but will keep on keepin' on cause I'm not a quitter. If I can do this then anyone can. Once this nursing school is over I'll be in a different world. Of course I'll still be my worrying little self, that's just who I am and yes I'll be laying in bed at night wondering if I did all I could have done for my pt's that day, but atleast I won't have to do all of this while studying for exams, doing care plans and spending every ounce of free time with my head in a book and raising a family. What a marvelous time that will be.

Oh yeah....I also wanted to mention that I ordered a new stethescope and I'm excited to get it. I have a Littman lightweight now and it's fine, but the acoustics aren't fantastic or anything. I saw this one http://standris.com/stethoscope_3mlittmann_breast_cancer.cfm and I just had to have it. I got the tubing engraved with my name on it...so no stealing people!!! It's the Littman limited edition breast cancer awareness SE II steth in baby pink and it's so cute. $5 dollars of your purchase goes to the cause too. My friend has the SE II and the acoustics are a lot better. I could actually hear the chambers fill and squeeze. If you're going to get a steth get a good one off the jump, otherwise you'll be like me and waste your money.