My Baby is in Remission!

I don't know if you all have been over to Aidan's Place, but I have great news....Aidan is in remission now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We found out on Friday that he has <0.01% of the cancer cells left in his body. Our goal now is to keep him in remission and the only way that can be done is to complete the 3.5 years of chemotherapy. Yes, it will be a very long and trying few years, but we will get through each day and each new day is one more day toward him being cured. I am so thankful to God for this great news. Aidan is doing FABULOUS! He isn't sick at all, just a little more tired than usual, but because of the steroids he can't sleep. He's also still eating, and is actually eating right now as I type this. He is kind of bloated and has developed the "moon face" that is associated with dexamethasone. He looks like a little football player. :-) You can see new pics at this site.

On the homefront things are so busy and hectic. With me being in school and my husband jetting of to work as soon as I walk in the door, things are crazy. School is going ok, but there is so much to do I feel overwhelmed to to tenth degree. Everyone said that 4th semester was really busy, they weren't lying. The content is not difficult and the concepts are relatively easy to understand, but we have so much busy work to do. Group projects, papers to write, preparing for the NCLEX, preparing for graduation, fees, fees and more fees, assignments out the wazoo, lots of meetings to attend, skill tests to prepare and test on, and so on. I'm suppose to go to see a birth today for my on-call hours. I'm secretly hoping there isn't a laboring mom so I can stay home and get some assignments finished.

It isn't difficult getting things done because Aidan is sort of on the couch all day, I sit with him and work on things then. My older boys are pretty self sufficient and are great at helping with the chores. The only problem is that every five minutes I'm fixing Aidan something to eat, but if that's all the little guy wants and needs, I don't mind to do it. The little man never complains about anything. He's so sweet....sometimes. The other night I raised his shirt to take a look at his port to see if it was red or anything. (The nurse in me). He hauled off and punched me in the face!!!! (The steroid has kicked in full force.) It didn't hurt, but shocked me. He's still scared it may hurt, I don't blame him. I would have punched me too!

Everyone at school keeps asking me..."How do you do it? How can you be here and do this right now?" Well, it's really difficult for me to be at school and I am very good at not bringing my emotions with me, except for the other day when I recieved the text message that Aidan was in remission. I sort of leaped off of my chair and started the ugly "I'm so damned happy" cry. I try to only focus on school when I am there and I don't want what is going on in my life be a distraction to the class. If I wasn't there I would be here, sitting on the sofa with Aidan and fixing him food. He is doing so well that I don't feel as guilty now as I did at first. I wasn't sure what to expect...24 hour care or what. It isn't like that. He is just as he always was, but less active. Because my husband's schedule is so flexible, he's able to be here with Aidan when I'm not and that makes a world of difference. If Aidan had to go to daycare for me to continue school, I wouldn't be sitting there. Period.

It also helps that I have a good attitude right now. When I first heard the diagnosis I was on the floor...literally. Leukemia is a terrifying word to hear. It's a nightmare and truthfully, we are living our nightmare. But the thing that keeps me afloat is that doctor's words..."Aidan will be cured and live to be an old man." When she said that, my heart lifted. Aidan has ALL, the best cancer (if you can say that) to have as a child. He has a 85-90% chance of a cure. Those are some damn good odds and that is what I hold so close to me, not the "cancer" or the "chemotherapy", or the "hair loss". We are focusing on Aidan's recovery and he is in the very low risk catagory, which is fantastic. True, I have my moments when it all hits me and I think...oh my God, he has cancer. Then I quickly remember those words..."He will be cured" and I can pull myself away from that darkness that I could so easily slip into if I allow myself. If Aidan can do this and still smile, then so can I.

Listen, until you've been through this you have no idea how you will cope. At first I was dumbfounded, shocked, in denial, angry (which I still am) and just heartrendering sad. But this is our reality and we can either sit around and cry about it, or become proactive and educate ourselves as best we can to get through it. That's what we're choosing to do. There is some primal survival instinct inside of us and when we are faced with devastating news it surfaces and we cope the only way we can. I'm in survival mode and I'm going fight and with God's help...KICK THIS CANCER'S ASS! This is not going to get our family down, but only make us stronger. Aidan will come away from this a healthy boy and he will grow up, go to college, meet the girl of his dreams, get married, have a family and will lead a normal and productove life. So help me God.

Babies

One clinical down, 6 more to go. Yesterday was booooring. We had to orient and listen to people talk for what seemed like 24 hours. The hospital we are doing clinical on is really old and doesn't even have computerized charting yet, but we'll make the most of the experience. I did get to see some newborns, precious. Next week my clinical is in the nursery. I can't wait to hold some new little babies and smell their little Johnson & Johnson heads. I can't wait to see an actual delivery, that will be exciting. Well, time to go to school. Hope everyone's semesters are going well. OH! I'm also about to order my invitations for my pinning ceremony...exciting.

Aidan is doing great and handling his chemo well. Make sure to check his site for new updates and photos.
Will try and post again soon.

1st clinical...EEK!

It's about 5:45 in the morning and I'm getting ready for my first clinical day/orientation. Wish me luck, I'm nervous and I don't know why. Please check Aidan's site for new updates and photos.

I'll update later about how my first clinical went...hopefully everything will run smoothly today.

Have a great day everyone and God bless..
Christy

Aidan's Place

For updates and info about Aidan, you can visit his site. Please see the link to Aidan's Place under "my fav sites" section for a permanent link.

Christy

Back to school

Hello everyone. I wanted to write and give some updates on Aidan and nursing school. Aidan is home now and doing great. He hasn't been running any fevers and aside from his belly and back pain, he's doing well. We go for another chemo treatment and bone marrow aspiration on Tuesday. The bone marrow aspirations are done weekly right now to determine how he is responding to his treatments. As of the last BMA he isn't yet in remission, but the goal is to have him in remission by day 29, which is toward the end of September. Being in remission means that there are no Leukemia cells visible under the microscope in Aidan's bone marrow, but research has shown that even though there are none visible doesn't mean they still aren't there, which is why they have protocols for treatment (ie: 3 years of chemo). Over the past 50 years research for ALL has come a long way. The cure rate for kids with ALL between the ages of 2-6 are upwards of 85-90%. We have no doubts in our minds that he will be cured, but the road getting there will be a tough one. Aidan is a tough cookie and his little body is so strong and will fight these cancer cells till they are no more. Why Aidan got Leukemia, we don't know, but what we do know is that there is hope and that is what we hold on to. We don't focus on Aidan's cancer. As a matter of fact, I refuse to use that word. We focus on his cure, and that is what will get us through.

Keith has been taking good care of Aidan while I am at school, and believe me it's hard not being home with him all day. When I come in the door, Aidan's first words are always.. "Mom, I'm so glad you're home!" He's so sweet. The steroid he is on has caused him to want to eat us out of house and home. The only thing on his mind is food and after he's finished with one meal, he's already planning and talking about what he can eat next. LOL Also, he talks....A LOT! He never seems to stop talking (mostly about food), but he's turned into a little chatter box. Last night I said to him "You sure do talk a lot." He said "Yeah." and we had a good laugh. The doctors told us he would be extremely moody on his steroid and he would turn into a little monster, he's had a few tantrums, but it's mostly the talking that has changed. He can't seem to find his "stop talking" button. I don't mind, I enjoy listening to his little stories and hearing him go on and on about what he loves to eat, it's better than most people's conversations, which are usually all about things that don't matter. Dealing with an illness such as this sure does put things into perspective. I realize there are so many thins that aren't important and all this time I've focused on those things. Already Aidan is teaching me a lot.

School has been going ok. It's a very busy semester. It seems we have something to do every day. We have a quiz each week, which are pretty easy to pass as long as you listen in class. We have group projects that are due every couple of weeks, did I mention that I hate group projects? Well, I do, because on top of having a family and being in school full-time, who has the time to meet with people and work on a project? Yesterday was our first exam. I thought for sure I'd fail because I missed the whole first week of class and lecture and the only time I had to study was the night before. I missed 4 out of 50 and got a 92%. I think God was standing over me instructing me to pick certain answers...."C looks good Christy." Ha! It wasn't a difficult test, but I didn't know the material, I guessed a lot. Hopefully I'll have the same insight with the rest of the tests. Next Wednesday is our first skills test. We have to perform 3: Timing contractions (duration, frequency and intensity), palpating the fundus and assessing for expulsion and the last one is checking the lower extremeties for a positive Homan's sign. They aren't bad skills, but it's just nerve wracking. Next Friday we have a written skills test, meaning we answer questions about the critical requirements...sheesh. Next Thursday is our first clinical day. I go to the Nursery on my first day, fun. We only have about 5 clinical days and we have 2 days where we are on-call for labor and delivery. Like I said...busy. We only have one exam in September so that one will be a doozie and we have 3 in October, rounding out with our final exam. I'll be so glad when the class work is complete. After our final we complete out 100-120 hours of precepting and then we're done. Yay.

I must admit I'm not nearly as excited about being a nurse and graduating as I had been before. It makes me sad that I'm not jumping up and down with glee, afterall, this has been my life for 3 years now. I guess my goal now is to finish it so that I can move on. Others in my class are getting all excited, but I just can't feel like that right now. I have much more important things to think about and graduating is just a small piece of my life now, when before it was my life. Funny how someone's life can change in the blink of an eye. I'm sure there is a reason I was suppose to be a nurse and now I'm sure it has to do with my son. I was offered a job on the children's oncology unit at Aidan's hospital. The compensation is almost too good to pass up, but can I go in there again and look at it differently? Everytime I enter that unit will I be reminded of when we were told of Aidan's diagnosis? Will I be able to offer something to families that other nurses cannot? I'm not sure, but I do know that there is a reason for all of this, and I hope to find out what it is one day.

Here are a few photos of Aidan with his awesome nurses at his hospital. They were all so wonderful and I can never thank them enough for the great care and skill they brought us each day.
p.s. please excuse Aidan's orange tinted teeth. His doctor said he'd have cravings and one of his has been cheetos. Lovely. :-)

Aidan and Andy Video

Update

I have been dreading writing this post. So here we go.... my little boy Aidan (4) has been really sick over the past couple of months and the doctors thought it was a virus for a while. Last Friday we were sent to a bigger pediatric hospital in another town and they ran some tests...bone marrow aspiration specifically, and diagnosed him with Leukemia (ALL). The doctors, who are wonderful, all say that his prognosis is excellent and that it's the most curable childhood cancer. I know he will be ok, but this has been....

There is so much to report, but I don't have the time so, for right now I'll say that he's doing great. They started him on chemotherapy last Monday coupled with steroids and he's actually feeling better now than he was before. He's a little trooper and is handling everything so well. I am so proud of him for being so strong. He's such a sweet boy too. He gets to come home this coming Monday and we're so excited, but I'm also terrified because then he will be in our care. Every week he will have chemo and as time goes on it will be once a month. My biggest fear is that he will get sick while his immune system is so comprimised.

Regarding Nursing School: School started back on Monday, but I wasn't there. I wrestled with what to do. My first instinct was to put it off, obviously, but my husband wasn't having it. He developed a plan where when I am at school, he will stay with Aidan and no one else. I do feel better knowing he's going to be home and not at daycare or something, but....sigh. We were told he will be fine as long as he doesn't catch a virus or something, which is hard when you have 6 people in one house. The nurses, social workers and family members all encouraged me to get it done so then I can relax and take my time getting my liscense, but it's a hard decision to make. I've never been more torn. This is so difficult. I have 2 months of class left... In an instant our whole lives changed, our paths redirected and plans put on hold. We're overwhelmed, stressed, devestated...every emotion you can feel. Most of all, we just want Aidan well. His well-being is all I care about.

I decided to give it a try, but if it doesn't work then I will withdraw. At this point, it's a now or never thing, because I could care less about school now.

This last week has felt like a nightmare, but as the shock wears off and we're more informed I feel a little more in control of the situation. I'm not weeping every 5 miniutes now, but can make it past 20, so that's a good sign. I know God is watcing over our whole family and has brought us down this road for a reason and we are putting all of our faith in him and giving him our pain and fears because they are sometimes too much for us to handle alone. He will bring us through this stronger, I just know it.

On a happier note...yesterday Aidan had a special visitor in his room, just my luck I wasn't there, but at home taking care of my other boys....if you've read my blog before then you'll know how much I admire this person for all his does and how inspiring I think he is. Plus I really think he's hot. :-)



It's Andy Baldwin the Navy Lieutenant/Doctor/Humanitarian/Triathalete/Last season's Bachelor on ABC. He and some people from the Navy came to the unit and visited the kids. He made Aidan an honorary sailor. :-) I have a video of the meeting and will post it when I can. Life is really crazy now.

Highlights

On AllNurses.com someone asked about the "highlighter system" and how to use the different colors. I know this is a biggie for all new nusring students. Some may scoff at this,think it's stupid and it kinda is, but keeping organized is key during school. So this is my reply for anyone who may need some ideas. This has always worked for me:

I always have one color for what the instructor reads from the book, sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's one sentence from a paragraph. From my experience at my school, our tests are from the instructors lectures, not from the book necessisarily. I use another color for items pointed out that they "said" would be on the test. This doesn't always mean they'll put it on there, but you can never be certain. I use another color for key terms, lab values and meds etc... that we are told to know.

I always record lecture on my digital recorder and I listen and write down almost every word they said in a set of notes that I mix with my book highlights (above) and any handouts. Once I have all of my notes made from handouts, lecture (recorder) and my book notes/highlights I ONLY study that. I also put it in the order in which it was taught. This repetition helps me remember and recall info. During tests I've actually visualized the page and where on the page I had certain info (top, middle etc..) If you're a visual learner than you'll find you will do this as well.

Helpful Hint:I know this sounds cooky, but I will sometimes draw some silly something at the top of each page. (Smiley face, stars, etc..). It also helps me recall the page during a test and remember what content was on the page. (It works for me!) There have been countless times where I will have 30-40 pages, front and back, of hand written notes for one test, so anything that helps is good. My friend and I also made characters (drawn-horribly-ha!) for people with certain illnesses, mosty for the neuro section because all of the diseases started to run together. Ex: Parky Parkinson . When we took the test and we had questions on that particular illness we would think to what they looked like (shaky hands, shuffled gait etc..) I know it sounds like rubbish, but this helped us distinguish between the different illnesses. It's no different that making up silly ways to remember lab values etc...

Back to the notes: I put all of my notes in ONE place so when I start to study, it's all there, organized, in my notebook and I don't have 14 different things to study from. I also highlight the main topic of every section and put 3 stars next to anything I know to be highly important. This system has always worked for me, hopefully it will work for me this semester as well...

I know everyone has their own style, and you should find what works best for you. These are just some things that has always helped me to remember, since I don't have a mind like a steel trap . Good luck to you!!!

p.s. As for your calendar of events, keep it all on a planner or on a calendar. Highlighting test dates in one shade and another shade for skill tests always worked well for me. Believe me, you won't forget when you have something important due or to do, highlighter or no.

This stuff about the characters that my friend and I made up it totally true. Weird, but true. I remember one specifically and her name was Britney Brain Abcess. This was right after Britney Spears shaved her head so we gave our character a shaved head and she had a big ole lump on it. Ha! I remember during the exam thinking back to the picture we drew and the story we made up about Brit being dizzy and it helped me answer a couple of questions. I'm very much a visual learner and have used those tools countless times during tests. So far, so good.

Good luck to all who are starting their nursing school journey and congratulations!

One More Week--BLAURGH!

Before I get into the whole nursing school chitty chat I want to share something, or someone rather, that I found on You Tube. I heard this song "Umbrella" played on a tv show tonight, but it wasn't Rhianna singing it and I must say I didn't like the song before, but I really like this girl's voice and her version of the song. Her voice is bea-u-tiful. Her name is Marie (pronounced mar-ee-aye)Digby and she sings cover songs, posts them on You Tube and I think she's awesome. I'm addicted to her voice already. I smell undiscovered talent..... Funny, she's singing in the loo. Take a whiff:






Is she awesome or what? I think I'm her new biggest fan. You tube is a good thing.

Nothing new to report on the school front other than I ventured up to the hill today and finished buying my books, paying for my insurance, testing fees and what not. Just being on campus made me feel a little sick. I ran into a few of my classmates who all seemed excited and ready to get back to school. I think they're smoking crack. They should get help.

I still have a lot to do before Monday and I hate that I procrastinated and didn't do these things BEFORE NOW. Tomorrow night I'm attending a prenatal class for one bonus point. One. I'll probably need it, that point. Atleast they have a cheese and fruit tray there. Incentives.

I ran into a few of my teachers today...it was good to see them. I feel so comfortable around them, which I suppose is because you're around them more than your own family. Let me repharase that...I feel comfortable around some of them. ;-) I did run into Nurse Ratchet from Nursing 101 in the hall. She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose, as she always has, giving off the air of smelling something putrid as she said "hi". Lady has some serious stick up her arse if ya ask me. Sorry. Some instructors loathe students, which makes me wonder...why? Why teach if you don't like your pupils or other members of the human race? I remember having her during lecture and I couldn't focus on what she was saying because I was too busy watching her snarling smile through gritted teeth. Shiver. If she'd look my way I'd hastily seem overtly interested in my textbook. Hmm...interesting photo of a man's enlarged spotted testicles. Speaking of...who are these people that allow their private areas, most of the time horribly mangled and diseased, to be a part of our books? God love em for their contribution to our education, but good gravy no!

I cannot reiterate enough how happy I am that this is my last semester of school, or that I'm dreading it something fierce. Perhaps when I'm closer to the end I will feel better. Hopefully it will go by quickly. I'm ready to be DONE. OVER. I'm ready to work again and get my freakin' head out of a book. I want to get my hands dirty and to feel productive and useful. It will be nice to have a normal existance. Working 3 days a week and being able to have play time on my days off instead of study time. What I'm looking forward to the most about not being a nursing student anymore is the fact that I won't have to study!!!!!!!!! Of course I'll always be reading up and continuing my knowledge, but oh the joys of not having an exam will be like heaven. No more skills, no more books, no more instructors smarmy looks.

Peace

I Have My Legs!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, it's hot out. It feels like an oven outside. You know it's hot when you can't even cool off in a swimming pool. Ugh. I hate the heat. It makes me feel tired, lazy and irritable, but I won't complain, because atleast I'm alive and can feel heat. I'm trying to think more positive these days, it always makes a bad situation seem not as desperate. As my girlfriend Heather always says when I complain... "Atleast you have your legs." She's right. What can I possibly complain about when I have legs? We do tend to take a lot for granted.

I actually have a lot to be thankful for this week. My son is recovering after a long bout of illness. My youngest son has been really sick. We took him to the doctor and they've run about a gazillion tests on him and didn't know what was wrong. They started throwing out some possibilites that we definately didn't want to hear, which got me so upset that the last few days I've walked around in a depressing funk, worrying, crying, feeling terrified. BUT, the latest bloodwork shows it's improving and the word now is that he caught some nasty, unknown virus that managed to change the nature of his cells, mainly his WBC's that dropped way below normal. But they are slowly and steadily climbing and the possibility of him having a life changing illness has passed. He is now eating, having bm's, being active and has practically returned to his old self. We are so thankful that he is getting better. He has more bloodwork to do next week just to follow up, but the doctor says he's in the clear. They did an Epstein Barr Virus test(chronic mono) on him to see if that might be what he contracted, but we won't find out until a week. If it is mono, i'll be glad, it's better than other things. Never thought I'd be happy to hear that my child had mono before, but I guess when the possibility is something worse, anything else sounds good. So, thank you Lord for watching over our family and being so gracious.

I am really blessed. My children are all healthy, we have a nice home, I have a good marriage, we have bright futures and many great things to look forward to. So what if we cannot afford all of the things we want, so what if sometimes we argue about stupid crap, who cares if the trash didn't get taken out...Life is good and I think we forget how lucky we are in the midst of all of our chaos. There are many families who have sick children and I will never understand why God would put them through such trials. The feeling of finding out that you have a terminally ill child must be the worst news a parent could hear. I can't imagine, or even pretend to.... I just know that I am thankful every day when I wake up and hear my kids voices and see them squabble about silly things. At least I have the ears to hear and eyes to see and the legs to walk over to them and tell them to hush up. LOL So the next time you find yourself getting upset about something trivial just remind yourself that atleast you have your legs and it will make it all better.

Constellations & McGraw's Balls

Follow this link to see Faith Hill berate a fan who grabbed Tim balls at a concert! You go girlfriend! http://www.tmz.com/tmz_main_video?titleid=1125900995

My FAVORITE Jack Johnson song with some odd dude who made a video, but still a chill song nonetheless: Constellations~Check it out:

I got the scholarship!

Good news... I bought two of my school books online at Amazon.com for about $70 less than they would have been in the school bookstore (ripoff!), so I'm happy about that. I was also approved for the scholarship through my hospital that I applied for...YAY! It will cover my books (the ones I hadn't yet purchased), tuition and I'll also have an allowance at the uniform stores here in town for anything I need, ie: shoes, new steth etc... I'm so, so happy because I was beginning to get worried... :0/ So yeah, I've had some good things come about in the last couple of days. I'm so glad about the scholarship. I worried and fretted about it because I hadn't heard anything, then just when I forget about it I get a call. Doesn't it always work out that way?

Exactly 3 weeks until school starts. Oy! I'm kind of getting more excited because we'll be doing our OB rotations and I hope and pray I get to see someone have a baby. How awesome would that be? If it was anything like my births it will be amazing. Lots of crying and smiling and cursing. Ahhh...the joys of childbirth. I remember when I was getting prepped for Aidan's birth and there were some student nurses there. They were all standing in the doorway, smiling at me with big cheesy grins, looking hopeful and uncomfortable. The "head nurse" I suppose, asked if I minded if they watched the birth. I remember calmy smiling and saying "NO!". Very sweet of me eh? I did, however, allow them to watch me get anethesized. I don't recall anyone hitting the floor, but I do remember some mumbling that had a "that's a big ass needle" undertone. Who would have known that not long afterward I'd be in those students shoes? I didn't want students there because I didn't want random people scoping out my va-jay-jay all day. The nurses, the doctor, my husband, my mother and the housekeeper was plenty enough for me.

I loved being pregnant, despite the fact that I felt like a big fat arse and was horribly constipated most of the time. TMI? It's always exciting when you start to have contractions and you go to the hospital and they tell you to go home...again...because it's only Braxton Hicks contractions. Then you come back 3 hours later and they sigh because it's you again, messing up their gab fest and poker game. You get that fun baby monitor and everytime you move you hear this loud WOMP noise that sounds like the baby is doing somersaults. You have every member of your family enter and try to talk to you while you're in the worst pain of your life and they're talking about the most random stupid shit. Your husband is asleep on the lounge chair and every quiet, relaxing breath he takes makes you want to stomp your feet in agitation, but you're too tired to do so. Every hour a nurse walks in with the gloves and the KY jelly and you know you're about to be felt up by a big scary lady, for good reason of course. :0) Then the time comes, it's time to push and you ain't foolin' around because this baby wants to come out, and by golly you want it out. Then you hear a loud, shrill, and a "what the hell are you doing to me?" kind of cry and all of that emotion sweeps over you and you cannot believe the miracle that has taken place. Giving birth is awesome. I recommend everyone try it. It's the best high in the world. Only if you're over 21 of course, and you're a woman, and being with a partner helps too, unless you can afford a good nanny, then I say... GO FOR IT! Labor and Delivery...I cannot wait!

Ok, so I'm finally going to give my review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, since everyone in the world has probably read it by now. If not....DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow, Wow! Bravo Jo Rowling! This is the best book of the series. I felt from the beginning that JK was saying goodbye to all of the characters. The book had the essence of a farewell and it made it that much harder to read. I'm so glad I wasn't spoiled of anything because reading it not knowing anything made it soooo much more enjoyable and exciting. It begins with Harry at the Dursley's, packing his belongings in his trunk to leave. When he was doing that I knew it was goodbye forever. (sniffle). He packed his school books, his school robes, I felt like we'd never see our beloved Hogwarts again.

I'll touch a little on the deaths first. Hedwig... she dies an awful death. I was shocked by this, more than I was sad. She was basically blown up...and the worst part, she and Harry weren't on good terms, that made it worse. Poor Harry. Seeing Voldemort flying without a broom was really creepy too. Dumbledore always said that Voldemort knew magic that he himself didn't even know. Shiver. Harry was lucky he survived that battle, of course Mad Eye Moody doesn't. I was disheartened by his death because it was so soon in the book, which gave that feeling of foreboding. If Mad Eye, one of the best Aurors ever can die, then who's next and what's to come? You definately had the impression that anyone was up for grabs at this point. Later in the book Fred Weasley dies...I was so sad by this because he was one of my favorite characters and he left his twin, George, all alone. Poor George, lying over his brother weeping....ugh. But at this point they were in the middle of the war/battle so you didn't have time to harp on his death...maybe Jo did that to save us from the heartbreak. I mean, little kids do also read this series. Little Colin Creevy, he idolized Harry so much and just wanted to fight for the cause, poor boy didn't stand a chance, did he? The death that really made me cry: Dobby. Little Dobby, died while trying to save Harry. He was so devoted to Harry... When Harry began to dig his grave with a spade when he could have used magic, it broke my heart. He said he was doing it to give his blood, sweat, tears and respect to the good house elf he was. Here Lies Dobby, A Free Elf. Ugh...I really cried at that scene. It was so desolate. Snape: His death rocked me. The way he died was horrible. I wish he had a more dignified death than being bitten by that awful, evil snake Nagini upon Voldemort's command. Lupin and Tonks...they just had a baby, little Teddy. I knew they were both doomed when they made Harry their godfather...so sad. I'd like to believe that they died together, fighting to keep eachother safe. Voldemort is a (BLEEP)!

I loved that Harry, Ron and Hermione were basically on their own and it was up to the three of them to defeat Voldy and save the world. But, I also didn't like it because I wanted them to be able to communicate with others. I loved the scenes of them hiding out and camping out trying to sort through clues. Some people said this was boring, I couldn't disagree more. I loved it. It showed just how close they were and that Hermione and Ron were there for Harry, for better or worse. I was soo mad when Ron left, but the way he came back by saving Harry's life and destroying that horcrux made up for it. He is only human, I'd be scared too if I were him, but he's a loyal friend. I love Ron. I loved how instead of Hermione running into his arms when he came back, she gave him the what for and ripped him a new one. I love her for that. He rightly deserved it too! I loved that Dumbledore left them things in his will, things that had hidden clues. I also loved that we got to see a side of him (Dumbledore) in the book that we hadn't known. How he had once craved power and neglected his little sister Ariana because of his selfish goals. It made him more human and less God like. Flaws and all, he's one of my fav characters of all time. And what happened to Ariana as a child...oh my goodness. I don't know what JK hinted at, but I think she was sexually abused by those muggle boys. If I were Dumbledore's father, I would have hurt them too! Dumbledore was forever haunted by her death. Now I know what he would have seen in the Mirror of Erised. :0(

Let's talk about one of the most shocking parts of the book...Snape. He was in love with Lily Potter. Who would have guessed? I guess we should have picked up on this when all through the series he kept referring to Harry's eyes, which were so like his mothers. And when he was dying the last thing he said to Harry was "Look...at...me." Awww...he wanted to see Lily's eyes as he crossed over. :0( I was so, so sad for him while reading this. It all made sense, everything he did for Harry. He loved his mother and vowed to protect Harry and put his own life on the line all because of love. Sigh. I wish he would have lived to tell Harry this himself, but he couldn't have could he? I felt anger toward Harry's dad James and how he and his friends made fun of and tortured Snape as a young boy. When I read the part about him (Snape) camping out in front of her door to tell Lily he was sorry for what he called her (Mudblood), I wanted to give him a hug. But she had a good head on her shoulders, that Lily. She knew he was dabbling in places that he shouldn't have been (the dark arts). Ultimately she made the right decision to end their friendship, but I'm sure that is what sent Snape over the edge in the end and straight into Voldy's arms. That soul-sucking, evil-loving, Voldemort.

Harry walking to the forest alone toward Lord Voldemort knowing he had to sacrifice himself in order for everyone else to live. I was weeping at that point. He knew he had to die. Dumbledore knew it all along and didn't tell Harry, I was so pissed at him (D) at that point. Harry was prepared to die. He knew he had to and there wasn't any other way. He didn't even tell Hermione and Ron goodbye because he couldn't bare it. He rubbed the resurrection stone and everyone he loved appeared: Lily, James, Lupin, Sirius... His mother smiled and said "You've been so brave." I could have died right there! They knew, I think. They knew what the last mission would be. Harry asked: "Does it hurt?" (sniffle). It was true, he had been brave, always.

King's Cross: Harry is in the world between the living and the dead here I believe. He see's a small naked baby type thing that appears to have been thrashed and it's making a god awful noise and moving around. I think it's part of Voldy's soul, the part that Harry had inside of him. He see's Dumbledore and he tells Harry to ignore the "thing" it can't be helped. Harry stated he wanted to help it, but at the same time was disgusted by it. Creepy. Dumbledore really redeems himself here by explaining everything to Harry and why he did the things he did. He even goes so far as to tell Harry that he is the better man. I loved: "Dumbledore, is this real or is it all in my head?" and Dumbledore replies:"Of course it's in your head, but that doesn't mean it isn't real." Alyways elusive, Dumbledore.

I liked Victor Krum's cameo and how jealous Ron became. I loved reading the section of the book where the trio went to visit Luna's dad. He is just as eclectic as Luna. Ha! I got cold chills when Harry entered her room and discovered she hadn't even been there...I thought for sure her father was a death eater or something. I know he called them to come and get Harry, but he loved his daughter and only wanted her safe. Draco....he owes Harry everything. I know Harry is the "good guy" but I really wanted to see him torture Draco a little for all the crap he did to Harry at Hogwarts over the years. Hearing Hermione being tortured by Bellatix at the Malfoy manor was just horrible and unbearable. Ron kept screaming her name.... so awful! I loved when Narcissa let Harry off the hook by claiming he was dead. I still think the Malfoy's should all be in Azkaban, surely Lucius is. Oh, Oh....my fav line in the whole book: "Not my daughter you BITCH!" Molly Weasley is the best!
The epilogue: Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny with all of their children at Kings Cross Station and little Albus Severus about to attend his first year at Hogwarts...just brilliant.

I loved the Horcrux and Deathly Hallows theme. Choosing death or rejecting it, evading it. It was awesome. Harry is the ultimate hero because he accepted death, and paid the ultimate price...sacrificing himself, which is something Voldemort could never or would never do, because he knew nothing of love. Harry knew love, knew friendship, knew what he must do to ensure that the world be a better place. The book was amazing. I'm sure there is a lot I haven't touched on, but I can't wait to read it again. I loved it so much and am sad it's all come to an end, even though it was the perfect end.

How many times in this review have I said I love this or that? That's because I loved it all! I will miss Harry and his adventures with his best friends, but it was the perfect ending to a perfect series. Thank you Jo Rowling for giving me and millions of others the pleasure of entering your world. It is a treasure I will share with my children for years to come.

From Sweet Girls to Mean Girls

Britney Spears is a crazy psycho. I think she has serious mental problems and no one is helping her. The report from the OK magazine photo shoot is that a few times her eyes rolled back into her head, she thought the ceiling was going to cave in on her, she wiped her greasy, nasty hands on an expensive dress, she repeatedly went potty....with the door open! Seriously...she needs help and those kids, dare I say this, would be better off with K-Fed at this point. The poor girl was at the top of the world, now she's in the gutter. Ugh. My diagnosis is post partum depression which can have varying degrees of psychosis. Mix that with some redneck fried chicken eating, gum chewing, baby diaper wearing shiz thrown in and what you get is a big ole mess! Get this girl some help before she ends up like Anna Nicole Smith. The girl has lost her damn mind. Sad.




Lindsey Lohan. Sigh. First let me say that we have all made mistakes, done stupid things in our teens and early 20's. We didn't have a camera in our faces while we were doing it either. Thank goodness too. Our mamas don't need to know everything, ya dig? Now, let me say that we also aren't millionaires and aren't followed around by the stalkarazzi. Therefore, we didn't have the funds to hire a driver to be at our beck and call, whereas they do. HIRE A DAMN DRIVER TO DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASSES AROUND! Geez. "The cocaine wasn't mine officer." It was in her pocket. Hmm.....LOL.
Get some help Lindsay. Bypass Promises and go straight to Betty Ford...please. You have a problem. You cannot go into a bar when you just got our of rehab, grow up and wake up before it's too late and you're eating out of the KFC bucket like Britney and the whole world is pointing and laughing at you. If they aren't already....

Paris Hilton... That girl needs to quit her tiring job of red carpet posing and work at a damn zoo.

Nicole Richie... Feed that baby. Eat some chicken.

This is what teenage girls look up to? If I were a teen I think even I'd have enough sense not to want to be like these girls, but there are some girls out there who aspire to exactly that. Carrying around Louis Vuitton bags, wearing oversized Chanel sunglasses, starving themselves, thinking snorting coke is sooo cool. When I was 16 and 17 I was lucky to get a fifty dollar Liz Claiborne purse for Christmas. I still buy my shades at the kiosk in the local mall for ten dollars. The world has gone crazy. I think these girls have gotten their way too much. Lock em up! That's what I say. Have them spend a week in a real psych facility, with real psych patients.

I was watching that Super Sweet 16 show on Mtv the other day and couldn't believe my eyes. This 15 year old girl was whining to her father that she didn't like the brand new $50,000 Mercedes because it was too small. I wanted to reach through my screen and smack her smug little pout off her bratty little face. Her birthday party was around a half a million dollars. 500,000 dollars...... That's just obscene and wrong on so many levels. There are starving children all around the world...hello! Many people think that those who complaing are just jealous. Some of that is true. How nice would it be to get everything you wanted whenever you wanted it? I would love to have argued with my parents about the Mercedes I wanted to buy at 16. That would be a fun argument. I was given a 87' Escort for my first car and didn't even have a choice. It was just sitting there...in my driveway and I was glad I had something to drive because a lot of my friends didn't even have cars. But I think the reason this irritates so many is because we don't have that luxury and for them to take it for granted and act so spoiled...it drives us insane! How can someone be so selfish? I blame it all on the parents.

This is what I have to say to all of those girls who emulate these celebs...grow up, get an education because you are NOT going to go to Hollywood and become a star.

Because I MUST!

Today was the last day of my Music class, thank you Lord Jesus. I'm so ashamed of myself. Here's why: Easiest class in history. All online. Never even had to leave the comforts of my easy chair and pj's. Got to attend class and have a Miller Light at the same time. Cake. I got a B.

Yes, you read it right. I, for the first time in my college history just didn't give a damn. DID...NOT...CARE. Ya know, I have worked my ass off for this nursing gig. I've missed a hell of a lot of sleep, had a few nervous breakdowns, shown up for lecture when I've felt like I might die, slacked on my appearance, let clean laundry sit in baskets for weeks, missed seeing my kids, ate a lot of takeout, gotten a few wrinkles, cut off all my nails, turned down a lot of invites, been so stressed I thought my head would pop right on off, pulled all nighters just to study, studied, studied, studied, studied and studied some more. I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why should I care if I got a B? I don't know why, but I do. Working hard for a B (as I did in micro last semester while taking NSG 203), not so ashamed, but getting a B all from the privacy of my cushy, non-stressed summer break home, while not taking the time do my very best....HORROR! Ah well, I'm human. An average human, but still human.

My husband says that it doesn't matter, I'm almost there. He's right, why do I care really? It's not as though my GPA is in the toilet, still yet, I guess it's that whole 'striving for perfection' thing I've got going on. No matter, life goes on.

I think I have senioritis. If I could quit school right now I would. It's too much work and I don't like it. lol I've always heard of senioritis, but now I truly get it. It's like a marathon...once you get to the finish line, you're just too tired to care anymore. Just drag me across the damn tape already, this shit is tired. That is how I feel. I kind of get the whole nursing school torture/thing a little better now than I did early on. I mean, I know it's stressful, all of that studying, tests, skills, clinicals, care plans..ugh! But, the thing is...it's the pressure that you put on yourself and that the school puts on you that makes it so difficult. You know that you MUST pass a test or you'll be behind, you MUST pass a skill or you're out of the program, you MUST attend that dreaded early morning clinical to pass. You MUST, you MUST, you MUST. There is no room for any slacking. It's the -no slackers allowed club-, but I don't like that stinkin' club. I sometimes want to give that club the what for....alas, I cannot. Don't you just feel like turning in some crap for a care plan sometimes just to have something to turn in? Do you ever want to put studying off until the last minute because you just want to watch tv and go out with your friends and play with your kids? Do you ever just want to call in sick to clinical because taking care of others when you're also sick is the last thing on your mind? Hell, I've felt like this 100 times, maybe everytime I had to do something that has to do with school, but do I do all of those things even though I don't want to? Yes! You know why? Because I MUST!

So what, I finally had the opportunity to slack and I took it, and guess what...I didn't have to work my ass off for that B and I guess that is something I should feel good about. In a weird sort of way.

Less than a month and the race is on. I know I sound like a big ball of angry, negative, spew. I might be, but this is my venting spot and today I felt like venting. I am sooo scared of what's to come. The last go round, the final lap, the end of the road...or something. I'm proud of how far I've come, probably because of just how difficult it's been and that my slacker loving arse didn't quit. So does that or does it not make me a slacker? Hmm...I may not be one afterall. And all of this time I thought I was....funny.

I graduate in December. School will be over. I will take my final on Halloween. I won't have to study for hours and hours and hours anymore. I will be a college graduate. I am now a senior. I will be leaving my school forever. I will not have to blog anymore about how much nursing school sucks the life out of me. I will be able to be with my children. This will be worth it. I will love my job. I won't have this hanging over my head...anymore. I will get a decent paycheck. I will be a professional. I will feel great. I will be proud...I will be an RN. I must keep telling myself these things to get me to the end. I MUST, I MUST, I MUST.

My Review- I Loved It!

I finished reading the 7th and final Harry Potter book....(sniffles). Sigh...I thought it was completely incredible and I was so connected to the characters throughout the whole book that I felt I was there...rooting for them, grieving with them and feeling their trepidation and awesome bravery. This is why JK Rowling is so brilliant, albeight a book about fantasy, wizards and magic, it is in essence a book about the human condition, morals, loving others unconditionally and the importance, of family and friends and that good always trumps evil, regardless of the sacrifice. The book is very emotional and goes through every feeling imaginable. I feel sad now. I'm sad it's over and there will never be another book.

I don't really have words about the feelings I felt as I read this book. I was so in awe of the discoveries I was making right alongside Harry, Ron and Hermione that sometimes I found myself daydreaming away from the book in my hand and thinking back to prior books referencing my memory and putting things together. I had many ah-ha moments and it was quite satisfying. The whole series was weaved so perfectly and came to such a climax..... I won't spoil it, incase there are fans who may read this, but let me say that there were certain parts of the book where I cried and cried like a big, stupid baby.

The one thing that I love about the ending is that is still leaves room for a lot of speculation. The thing I didn't like about the book is that is still leaves room for a lot of speculation. There are many holes left unfilled and questions left unanswered, but I think some questions don't need an answer. Like in this book, Harry had the answers and Dumbledore wanted him to discover them on his own...and he did. He left him to this quest to find the answers he'd been seeking but the answer was always there...and Harry always knew it, as did the reader in a way.

I wish I could end this blog by saying that I cannot wait until the next book, but there isn't going to be another one is there? So hopefully by doing a re-read I will be able to put more together that didn't jump out at me on the original read. Atleast we'll always have the liberty to dive into the HP world again and again as much as we like, and continue to enjoy ourselves along with Harry and his friends on their incredible journey.

Potty Party

My disgruntled husband and I stood in line last night for an hour and a half and finally I got my hot little hands on the most anticipated book, probably in history. There were people dressed up in all kinds of costumes, young and old. I saw The Fat Lady, Harry of course, Hermione, Moaning Myrtle and Chewbacca. Yes, Chewbacca. Funny, I don't remember his cameo in the books... He was eventually kicked out because of a saber fight with Vader, yeah he was there too. Guess he and Harry are tight. The people with the "Muggle Crew" t-shirts on kept the boxes under tight security, sealed until midnight as told. When the cart carrying the boxes made it's slow way to the front, the crowd cheered. Some people jumped up and down, some screamed, some just stared, like me. I guess you have to be a die hard fan to understand the feeling of seeing those boxes. It's really something. I finally made it to the front of the line, handed the cashier my ticket, and waited with bated breath while she uncerimoniously plopped my book in a bag and sent my on my way with a "NEXT!".

I have only read the first sentence, Snape is having a conversation....I'm scared to read on. I don't want it to be over, as crazy as that sounds. I'm also afraid to read any website pertaining to the book for fear of spoilers. So, until it's complete, I will not venture into any site pertaining to HP. I'm sure all I will be doing for the next few days is reading this book, so have a great weekend everyone...I know I will. :o)

The time is drawing near...

Hey blog buddies. Have you noticed on my time-clock that there is only 1 month left until my last semester begins? EEK! I'm nervous! Yes, us nursing school pro's get nervous about the 1st day of school too! Ha! You'd think I would feel like a pro at this by now however, I still sometimes feel like a little green newbie.

I haven't blogged much lately, not much to write about I suppose. I have been searching online for some free Nursing Journal articles to help me with my bib cards. We have 4 due next semester, 2 in Peds and 2 in OB. I'd like to get a jump start and do them so I won't have to worry about it next semester. If anyone knows of a place with free articles please let me know. I'd also like to start doing some reading, but unfortunately they don't have our new books in yet. Hmm. I cannot have a used text book. For one, I keep all of my nursing books for reference and 2 and just don't like someone elses notes and highlights in my books. I guess I'm a little OCD when it comes to my own note taking. I even have different color highlighters for things. Ex: If the teacher says something will be on a test I may highlight it in yellow. If they say something straight out of the book I may highlight that in green. Any index tables or notes of importance are highlighted in a diff color and things I think I need to know I highlight in another color and etc... I try to have a system. Also, I give something 3 stars in my paper notes if it's really important and only one star if it was only briefly mentioned. That way when I go to study I'll know what is the most crucial info etc... Aren't I boring and anal? You know what they say...don't fix what ain't broke, and this system has always worked for me.

I already bought some school supplies, well only a 5 star Mead notebook, but it's never too early to grab a few things here and there. I plan on getting super organized this semester. I always say that, but I mean it this time....really I do. I want to actually keep a planner and use it. I always buy one, then end up jotting everything down on my school calandar instead. I'm also going to keep my backpack clean and free of crumbs this time around. All the potato chip and candy wrappers last semester took up way too much space and left me with a mess. I want to actually do my reading assignments before lecture so I'll be ahead....um...sure. Sigh...plans, plans, plans.

Getting organized is one of the biggest things you need to achieve to succeed in nursing school, IMO. Every moment of your life during that time needs to be planned out and implemented. I must admit, I am pretty good at planning study times and sticking to them. Plus, this helps me get things around my house done because I know I have time allotted for study only. I don't even know why I am talking about this because I'm suppose to be enjoying my break damnit! LOL

I always get this way before school starts...anxious, excited, nervous, apprehensive, scared out of my freakin' mind! They say that 4th semester is the busiest yet. I thought last semester was bad.... Apparently the first half of the semester (Aug 20th- Oct 31st) will consist of lecture, exams, skills, math exams, and OB and Peds clinical. After the Final (Halloween), we are to complete 120 preceptor hours and prepare for our NCLEX. SO basically, they are going to cram a semester's worth of material in 2 months. Yay... :0(

I think I am most concerned about the skill tests. I hate them. Standing there, sweating bullets, while you're being evaluated on everything. EEK! We have 13 skills in the first 2 weeks....how this is possible, I have no idea. Rumor states, because they never tell us much until the first day of school, that many of these we get to videotape and turn it. Won't that be a relief? Shew! Never have I wanted a rumor to be so true. I think there are a lot of teaching skills....breastfeeding, swaddling baby, etcetera. I never minded the teaching skills so much. I guess it's an advantage to all of us who are parents, because we kind of know most of this stuff already.

I'm ready to get started with the last chapter of school, but I'm not ready at the same time. I want more time!!!!!!! But as everyone keeps telling me....3 months after school starts...only 3 more months....wow. I cannot believe it. It seems as though I just started school. I remember my first day so clearly...we were all so scared and excited. Now I look at those "kids" he he, and say a little prayer for them. lol They ask us questions all of the time, curious just like I was. Hell, I'm still curious. Ha! We never really know what we're in for until we're in the middle of it. I hate to scare the newbies by telling them horror stories, so I just tell them to be prepared, take care of themselves and never get behind. I'm sure this is something they will find out for themselves, but it never hurts to try and help.

Also, I did take my boys to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was good, and really sad. I found myself wanting to cry at certain moments. This movie wasn't as fun as the last, it was mostly dark and brooding...they're getting ready for the war between good and bad. The fight between Voldemort and Dumbledore was really awesome. We saw the movie at the IMAX so we got to wear 3D glasses that were huge and ugly. The fight scene was in 3D and was a lil scary. I'm surprised this was a PG 13 movie. Anyhow....I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Well, back to my research...

Back In Ye Olden Times

First things first: Check out the new vid -Walk It Out I added to the video column on your right at the top. I lurve it so much.....he he.

Hey folks! I just wanted to mention that this is my 101st post on my blog! Woot! Damn, am I wordy or what? I know this about myself, I consider it one of my weaker traits. I just go on and on and on at times, mostly about nothing at all, but that's ok. Someday I will re-read my posts and hang my head in shame for all of the dull subject matter I forced on you people and when that time comes I will more than likley write a very lenghty blog about just how sorry I am.

Am I rambling again?

Moving on to other possibly boring subjects..... Guess what happens this week? The 5th Harry Potter OOTP movie is playing in theaters!!!! Hey, may be nothing to you, but I'm pumped. Also, guess what occurs next week? The last and final Harry Potter book (Deathly Hallows) is being released!!!!!!!!! Yes, I will be one of those dorks who is standing in line at the HP midnight book release party, as I always have, with my little voucher waiting to be handed a book out of a cardboard box as if it's top secret info from the President himself. I don't know why I couldn't just wait to get my book the next day, but I just cannot. The thought of someone else reading the book and I still don't have my hot little hands on a copy is just too much to bear. Plus, it's always fun to show up and make a little fun of those who act out scenes from the book. Yes I witnessed this once....from adults. I will be staying offline while in the reading process as to avoid any spoilers. There are some freaking speed readers out there just waiting to spill the damn beans. Buggers! Don't worry your heads though, I will be sure to post pics of the crazies I encounter at the bookstore, decked out in their full HP glory. And no, I'm not one of those people, incase you were wondering....

I cannot believe the time has come to read the last tale of Harry and his pals. It has been a great ride. Let me say that I read a lot, as some of you may already know, and of all the books I've read, I believe it is Harry Potter that I have enjoyed most of all. I am so excited, but apprehensive. Will Harry live or die? The prophecy states that "...neither shall live while the other survives..." Take that as you wish, JK Rowling is one smart arse if you must know. She has had readers take that phrase apart a million and one times and we still don't quite get it, but we will find out soon enough. I just hope it isn't a horrible ending. In the last book....
I bawled like a big ole babe. We lil wuss that I am. We all want old Voldy to croak like a toad, but if there is one thing JK never does, it's to make her story predictable, you never know with her, clever that one. We can only hope that this book lives up to all of the years of waiting and wanting answers to so many questions and for Harry for once and for all to have the revenge he, and so many others are entitled. Come next Saturday, many will have the answer to all of these questions....sigh. It's been a long strange trip 'arry.

Yes I've been randomly speaking in a funny Scottish bur. You're not imagining this. I canna help me damn self. I just finished my latest book (see previous post)and if you read 950 pages of this jargin you'd be talking this way too, ya ken? The book was so freakin good. I found myself cluthing it at times out of tension for what was to come. Once, I was so angry at one of the characters, I had the urge to hurl it into the fire and say "burn, burn, burn!" , but I didn't have a fire handy so I just growled a bit and flipped the page. I was so on the edge of my seat I nearly fell off...literally. I think I even did a little nail biting...eww. Gripping, intriguing...I loved it! (Jumping up and down!) I canna wait to read the next in the series- Voyager. I hear it's better than the last. If that book is better than the last I'll damn near piss me pants lad, because that was one bonny of a book.

Allright, allright, the fun stops here. Just make sure the next time you are in a book store check out the HP series and Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series....They're grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Let Freedom Ring

I hope everyone had a fun 4th. We did the traditional barbeque with crap loads of people, most of whom I didin't even know. We did the same ole "ooohs" and "ahhhs" at the fireworks, ate lots of meat and drank plenty of beer. Good times.

I have a little over a month before school begins and I can already feel the tension creeping up my neck. Everyone says..."why would you feel this way? It's the last semester. You're only getting closer to the end." Blah blah yada. Well, because it's going to kill me that's why and who on earth likes torture hmm? I hope that by the time I return I have accomplished everything I have wanted to this summer and I hope I feel nice and satisfied. Otherwise, I will be angry at myself for not taking full and complete advantage of my short term freedom. It's funny, I feel like a prisoner while I'm in nursing school. Being force fed information until my gullet can hold no more and my belly is about to purge shit loads of facts and theories. Having deadlines that are sometimes impossible to meet with all of the other responsabilities placed on our shoulders. Being so stressed I break out in hives. No, I don't feel free at all while learning to be a nurse. I sometimes wonder if I will feel this way after I break the chains in which my education binds me. Will I feel like a slave while I am an actual nurse? Will I come home and be consumed with my day, fretting over meds and patients and if I gave the right meds to the right patients? Terrified that I may accidentaly hurt someone. Ugh, I'm sure I will feel this way for a while, but let's hope it's not forever. I suppose things could be much worse. I could be an Iraqi female citizen and have to wear a burka in the hot ass desert while bombs are going off over my head... yea, things can always be worse.

My online class is going ok, but there is a problem. I thought this class would be sooo cake, but the reality is...IT IS CAKE, but I've slacked expecting to get good grades when in reality I've been averaging a B. I really need to bring that up to an A or else I will wreck my GPA. I have never gotten a B in any pre-req, except for micro and that is understandable, I took it with 3rd semester nursing. Anyhow, it's all my fault and I need to do really well on the final exam. Arg @ me.

Enjoy your freedom people.

Currently Reading :Diana Gabaldon's Dragonfly in Amber It's the second installment of the Outlander series and it rocks! I love a man in a kilt. Meow!