Clinicals, Exam I, and Feelling all Nursey Inside

What a week I've had. I decided I had to update my blog to share the events. Where to begin?

Tuesday: (I believe) was the day we found our dog...thank goodness. :-)

Wednesday: Wednesday was a rough one. I had to be at school at 8. I had nursing class until 12:20. Our instructor gave us a huge list of cancer drugs to remember ( not to mention all of the other lecture we had that day) and I was red hot over it. For one, the test was on Friday...you don't give us a list of drugs on a Wed. for a test on Fri. Especially when we have clinicals all day Thursday! ARG! BUT I kept quiet and gritted my teeth....silently. ;-) After nursing I had Micro. We had a quiz and looked at some bacteria on the microscope and yada yada. Left Micro at 4 got back to my town at 5. Had to go straight to the hospital to pick up my clinical assignment for the next day. I was there for an hour and a half looking up labs, history, drugs etc... etc... Plus I didn't know my way around the unit so that took some getting use to....but the nurses all seemed really nice. Leave the hospital around a little before 7 and had a break down in the car coming home. I finally had to cry. What can I say...it was the only moment I'd had all week to breathe or think. I pull up in my drive way and try to get it all out before I had to go inside. Did I forget to mention it was my youngest son Aidan's 4th birthday? It was and I was so sad that I missed most of this day with him. He deserved for me to be there. :-( Mommy guilt is a b*tch. SO... I go in and we had our small little party and I put on my happy face for him and he had a good day, but I still feel bad for not being there. Makes me want to cry just thinking of his sweet little face.

OK moving on.....

Thursday: Get to the clinical site at 6:30 am. We had a pre-conference and off to work we went. All day our instructor kept saying that as long as we don't kill anyone nothing matters today. But the next time...I'll be all over you if you screw up and you won't like me so make it count. Um...alrighty then. Now I will forever think of you as the Nazi...thanks for that. Not to mention that the more you try and intimidate me the more nervous I'll be and the more likely I'll screw something up so STOP IT!!!!

LOL

Don't you just love clinical instructors??? We actually had groups of 2 working on pt's that day. Two of us were to share 2 pt's and then both pick one a piece to do a care plan on. It sort of worked out where I took care of one pt and she had the other all day, which was fine with me. We weren't really suppose to do that, but it was nice to give all of my time and attention to just one pt. I really like my partner though, she and I are good buds and she's always there to help me if I need it and vice versa. My pt was really sweet. He was an 80 year old man who was admitted for a L inguinal herbia repair. He also had a history of MI (heart attack) and drug induced Lupus....ugh...not good. I learned a cool word this week..iatrogenic. It means that treating one problem can lead to another problem and this happened to this poor man. He was taking meds for something else and ended up with Lupus (basically the body's immune system is attacking itself). Damn. I got his vitals right away and noticed his O2 Sat was 83% (should be 90-100) and his respers were 26(norm 12-20)!!!! Whoa Nelly! I ask him if he feels like he's having trouble breathing and he said no. He seemed to be using his accessory muscles a lot so I immediately told his nurse and we put him on 2L of O2. Why didn't anyone else notice this before me? This has happened at clinical to me before. My instructor said I got brownie points for this insightfulness, which is all fine and good, but I think anyone who knows how to use a pulse ox and count respirations would know this wasn't good. Ok, so he was doing ok once the O2 was on and I did the rest of my assessment. I felt like a nurse for the first time that day...truly. It's something I can't explain, but I felt....ok this is the right place for me to be and that was a good feeling.....especially after the trying week I had. I just felt like I knew what I was talking about and I knew how to do things without having to think it through so much. I had a good handle on what was going on with his labs and vitals and everything. I won't tell about the whole day because it was long and not too awfully exciting, but I can't help but think that I had something to do with that man getting better. Atleast for the day anyway. By the time I left he was off of O2 and his O2 sat was in the low 90's...not the best, but better than what it was right? Oh..and I also noticed that where his cath was inserted was some reddish brown (don't read further if you're squeamish) discharge coming out of the meatus. I did peri care of course and informed the nurse. She said it happens a lot with men...this didn't seem normal to me, but she's the nurse and I'm not so I didn't press it further. So.....we finally got out of there at 5'oclock and guess what? I had to scidaddle on home so I could study because I had my 1st test the next morning. YAWN!!!

Friday: 8 am: sitting in the school parking lot sweating like a ...a...really hot person. I'm starting to do that thing again, you know that rapid, shallow breathing thing that gets me in trouble every time. Anxiety....it sucks. The test started at 10:20 and all I could do was stare at the clock every other second. I did get some studying in, but it wasn't quality. I didn't feel really prepared like I normally do, but dang, I'm human and haven't had a moment of free time to do much of it. What do they expect of us? Don't get me started. Ok...I took the test and there were some things on there I'd never even heard of before, much less had in my notes. WTF? Of course I panic and just decide that C looked pretty good...C is always good right? Ha ha. I thought the test sucked but that I knew most of the answers...or so I thought. We go back in afterwards and we begin grading. We had a pencil/paper test that day....hate those....and on those days we get a test booklet and a scantron. We mark our answers on both. When we're finished we turn in the scantron and we keep our test booklet. We come back in after everyone is finished and they go through and give us the correct answers. The first 2 pages I didn't miss any (there were 45 questions) I was getting excited. The last 2 pages I was getting freaked out. There were 2 bonus questions and I got both of those right. Turns out I miss 11 total.

45-11= 34 and 34 / 45 = 75%. 75%!!!!! Oh no....that's failing. BUT WAIT she said that if we got any of the bonuses right we could subtract that from what we missed so I got 2 right which meant I missed 9 so 45-9= 36 and 36/45=80%. WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By 2 points. It still sucked and I hated that test. I was so drained by the time it was over I thought I'd collapse right there on the floor. Many people failed that test and even though I passed...I still feel like I failed. This isn't a good way to begin the semester. My confidence was shot to hell quickly. Aren't I little miss Bonny Sunshine? LOL

Was the day over? Nooo...we then had to begin our new material. Immunity and the phrase of the day was AIDS. We were told we were going to watch a video about a family who was dying of the virus. The mom got it in a blood transfusion in the 80's...didn't know. She gave it to her husband and she also gave it to her daughter at birth who was now 2 when the documentary began. They had 2 older sons who didn't have it...THANK GOD! I noticed tissue boxes everywhere and thought...there is no way I'm crying. The video was nothing but some text and a series of photographs set to sad music that this filmaker took and chronicled their last year or so of their lives. It showed the little girl struggling, at the hospital with the mom by her side. It showed them getting the news and grieving. It showed the sons taking care of the mom and drawing up her injections. It showed the toddler dying...but smiling. It showed the family at the little girl's funeral. The mom and dad weeping. Then the father left the family. I guess he couldn't cope, or he was just a prick, but I like to think he shut down because how else can you deal with such realities? Then it showed the mother being taken out of her home on a gurney in a body bag. Let me tell you. It was the most depressing, hearwrenching, soul splitting, moving story I have ever watched. Halfway through I felt the tears well up. I noticed everyone around me was sniffling and dabbing at their eyes as well. I felt the biggest lump in my throat. You know that feeling you get before you begin the ugly cry? I was about to have those diaghram spasm cries and I really just wanted to flee and get the hell out of there before I lost it. I was trapped between people so I was forced to sit there but I couldn't watch anymore. I pulled my hood from my sweatshirt up over my head so no one could see my mascara streaked face and I eventually put my head down. Not that anyone cared, they were all crying too...but still. No one but your mama, your kids and your sig. other should see you at such a vulnerable time. Our teacher was narrating the story and couldn't even finish because she was choking on the words. I couldn't help but think of my own kids and how that mother stayed so strong and kept it together for children even though she was so sick herself. Finally someone said ..enough of this and got out and we all began filing out before the movie was even finished. I wanted out of there as fast as my little legs could take me and I was at my car in a flash. LOL I felt uncomfortable watching that film. I felt like it was something that was sacred and personal and not for my eyes to see. A family ripped apart with illness and grief. I don't even know the rest but I'm sure it wasn't long before the dad died too and there are those 2 boys left...alone and pained. I wonder where they are now. This was filmed in the 80's so it's been a long time. If I find the link or anything to the movie I'll post it but I don't know the name. Speaking of drained..................................................................

Now here I sit and I have relaxed and regrouped and am getting caught up on everything to start a new week and new material. One hour at a time, one day at a time. I've been hugging my kids a lot tighter since seeing that film. You should too. :-)

Peace and love.....

The Dog Bounty Hunters

Oh my goodness....what a day. Last night we posted fliers all over town for our missing dog. We also ran a lost ad in the newspaper. No one called except a few people who had found dogs, none that matched Wrigley's description though. My husband called the animal shelter and the man said that a "dog catcher" had gotten a call on a dog that was interupting traffic about 4 miles from our home. He described him and his collar and we knew it had to be Wrigley. He said he couldn't catch him but shooed him away from the road. BUT he said that all of this happened 3 hours prior. I was so worried he was far gone by the time we got there, plus it was getting dark.

My husband and oldest son were in one car and me and the other boys in another. We searched every field and neighborhood that he could be in within the vicinity. We yelled his name like a bunch of crazies. Imagine that. After a couple of hours I had a feeling he was gone for good...even after the great lead. Then I drive through a park area and there was a dead end that went off to the side. I was going to just go straight but something told me to turn down that road and there at the end of it was my oldest son (they had the same idea as me) looking in a brush pile and as soon as I got out of the car he reached into the brush and pulled out Wrigley. Sigh! He said he saw something rustle in the bush. It's a miracle. We hadn't even seen him, nor were we chasing him. We had just heard he was in the 'area' and what a huge area it was! Of all the places, my son just so happened to walk past that brush pile. Wow. It's a miracle he's ok and even more of a miracle that we found him. I don't know how he navigated the city without getting hit by a car. Wrigley was really shaken up. He was shaking so hard and seemed so scared. He also seems so tired and glad to be home and we are thrilled. He's done nothing but stay at my feet and sleep in his puppy pillow for a few hours. :-) Now I can rest soundly knowing my baby is safe and at home. Prayer really does work.

Our darling dog Wrigley has went missing. (He's in the orange.) He got out sometime this morning through a gate that wasn't secured properly and we can't find him anywhere. The bad thing is...my husband had to go to work and I had to go to school, so all day I was thinking about him and wishing I could leave that stupid class and go look for my dog. As soon as I was finished with class and got back to town I drove all over the place searching with no luck. It's dark now and there's nothing we can really do, but my husband is out posting flyers hoping that someone, anyone can provide a clue. It's cold out, and I know he's hungry and misses us and I worry he just can't find his way. This is terrible, he's a part of our family. How can I cope not knowing? He's been a part of our family for a little over 2 years and he's the best dog I have ever had. I was just telling someone this yesterday before he was gone. All I want to do is cry. He has a tag on with our address, his vet's office and our phone numbers which leads me to believe that no one has found him or maybe someone did but didn't think to stop him or anything. And of course I have all kinds of other terrible thoughts too.......

I just hope that whoever finds him is an honest person and wouldn't keep him for themselves or something. I'm desperate and afraid and just don't know what to do. I just want to know where he is. Knowing is better than not knowing anything. I've heard some dogs will come back after a few days. I hope this is one of those cases.

Poor George!

Last Thursday was a new episode of Grey's and I always talk about the show and recap so I figured I'd do it now since I know I won't have the time this week.

I'll try to remember all that happened. It was hilarious whenever George went to the refigerator and noticed the check was missing and started looking around on the floor for it. I was cracking up. He thought Izzy lost it or something. Too cute! George's dad.....sigh! What a sad moment for him and his family. Knowing there was nothing they could do and having to pull the plug on him. I loved the speech he gave to Bailey and Weber..."He didn't know better! You knew better!" That was so sad and you felt yourself yelling inside right along with him. Izzy getting involved with the scoliosis pt...she did the right thing. I mean walking around in a 90 degree position forever....that's not a good quality life. Cristina and Burke finally opening up to eachother....somewhat. I loved how she brought his meal to him trying to see if his hand would shake when he took it from her ....genious...lol. Never underestimate Cristina. I don't really know what's going to happen to him after his gay slurs. I wonder if the network will fire him. I know TR Knight and Katherine Heigl are upset by his comments. (You tube-see TR Knight on Ellen) I, too am angry I'm not even gay, but I'm still offended that he can be so racist and verbal about it...and lying that he said it on top of that. Just cop to it so you can move on dude. Sorry if there are a lot of typos in my posts. My wireless mouse doesn't have a good connection and a lot of letters are left out of my words. Oh well.

I can't remember anything else from Grey's right now. I'm tired and not thinking clearly. Maybe tomorrow I'll come in and edit to add more. I do remember that it was a good episode though...as always. I love Grey's Anatomy. I hope the squabble doesn't hurt the show. Until next time...Work hard and play hard!

Christy

It Is What It Is

I have done nothing but study and make notes all day and I'm not even near close to being finished. There just isn't enough time in the day...honestly. I wish I could hire a transcriptionist to take all of my notes, then I wouldn't have carpal tunnel syndrome. Ha! I don't like lower GI. Atleast that's something I can now mark off of my list. Feces and ulcers and fistulas...oh my! No thanks. I'm stressin' y'all. I know I say this in every post but I can't over come it. It is what it is and it's HARD!!! If I can get past this first test maybe then I'll know what to expect. Each instructor's tests are different and you never know their style. We have 3 instructors for each semester. Each one is an 'expert' in the field they are teaching and it's inspiring....intimidating but inspiring. Our oncology teacher passed out Live Strong bracelets to the class and made a $1 donation in all fo our names. Yes it's only one dollar, but that's a nice gesture and I appriciate it and her for doing it.

Now that we're juniors it is our job to have set up the 4th semesters/senior graduation and pinning ceremony. We have to compose video, raise funds for food and decide how the even will go etc....kinda. I'm not sure of our exact role, but it's something like that. It sounds like fun, but I don't know when we'll have the time. Oh well. For those of you who don't know what a pinning ceremony is...it's kind of like an initiation sort of honoring the lady with the lamp, Florence Nightengale the "pioneer of nursing". They take lamps and light them in her honor and recite a pledge in an intimate ceremony with only close family, friends and classmates. In most cases you get to decide who will pin you. Some people choose instructors and some people choose friends or family who helped them get through school. Either way, it's supposed to be a special moment. Sounds kinda cheesy? It is, but it's a tradition that dates back to more than 50 -60 something years. Click on the link to see an example. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzeqmqyLOXM The graduation ceremony is separate and for everyone. Cheesy or not, I think it will make me really proud to recite the pledge, it's an honor to be called a nurse and to follow in her footsteps. I think it will be weird for the guys though. LOL

I just cannot wait for graduation. I'll be more than ready. I don't care how hard the last/4th semester is. Atleast then I'll know it's the last of it. This semester is difficult because it's right before the "end" and you kow you still have so far to go. Oh well....let's pray I pass. That's all that matters to me right now.

Well, thanks for listening to me complain some more. That's what my blog is for....for me to vent it all out so I don't go postal on someone. Ha ha ha!

Peace.

p.s I enclosed a pic of some of my buds and I at our Wellness day function at school last year. We served the community by giving free BP screenings, cholesterol checks, flu shots, literature about certain diseases (diabetes, smoking (ours..how ironic), and on and on It was a fun day.

Overwhelming 1st week

How is it possible to be overwhelmed after the 1st week of school? Well, I am. My micro class, as I'm quickly discovering, is going to take a lot of my time. I'm not worried about failing that class so much as I'm worried that the class is going to take time away from my nursing class and damage my grade. At this point I don't care if I get a C in both classes...I just want to pass. C= RN too as they say. SO far in 203 we've covered all of the lower GI and begun oncology/cancer. I have so much homework and 2 quiz's coming up in micro this week. I have my 1st nursing test over oncology and lower GI next Friday. I have gotten some of the homework done and plan on spending the weekend finishing it, studying for the quiz on Monday, finishing my GI and oncology notes and try to understand what in the hell I am reading at the same time. Overwhelmed....understatement.

My youngest son's 4th birthday is this coming Wednesday and I'm so excited for him. He's my little angel. I can't believe he is almost 4. It makes me want to cry. I loved his baby age and his toddler years and I'm not ready for him to transition into childhood. He's starting to speak like an adult saying things like....I'm angry at you mom and you're my bestest friend evew. Yes he says ever like evew. So cute! He told me the other day that he wanted some possibilities. I had no idea what he was talking about so he took me to the cabinet and pointed at the Campbell's Soup can and said see mom...possibilities. What a little doll baby! Don't ya just love those commercials? My twin boys, who are 10, both made the A/B honor roll and I'm so proud. One of them was one point away from straight A's....that teacher ripped him off. What a bummer. He has such a great work ethic. He comes home, begins his homework and never complains or has to even be told to do it. He's 10! When I was 10 I was hiding my homework in my desk and telling my teacher my dog ate it or that space aliens transported it to mars....or something else equally ridiculous. My oldest son is doing ok in school. He's in the 6th grade and I think that middle school is a challenging time for him. He hates to read so his reading class grade has taken a dive but the others are pretty good. I worry about him and his adjusting to so much independence and responsibility. In grade school you're held accountable for everything. ...we had to sign their homework every night and now he just says he did it all at school. Whatever...I wasn't born yesterday...I had those same excuses. Regardless, he is a pretty good kid. Spoiled, but good. My son will be 13 this year and I'm only 31. I had him young and it's as if we grew up together more than anything else. We argue sometimes like brother and sister and we're so much alike we often times clash. More than often. A lot. I don't know if it's because he's coming upon his teens or what but he's being such a brat. LOL He asked for a cell phone for Christmas and I was really hesitant...I mean come on!!!! "But everyone else has one!" SO of course I gave in but the gift came with restrictions....lots of them. It's going to be a rough road raising 3 teens at once and now that puberty is starting to rear it's ugly head I'm getting scared. I sometimes feel only 18 myself. lol I have to admit that I am a strict mom. All of my boys have game time restrictions, homework and chore rules etc... , but some kids are harder to mold than others. My oldest is definitely on of those kids. He thinks he knows everything and it cracks me up sometimes. The frightening thing is....sometimes he does know everything. He's an adult in a 12 year old body and always has been. Anyway.....that's my life being the mom of 4 boys. It's crazy, fun, hilarious and maddening but I enjoy all of it. Every single day I hear them say something or see something that puts me in a different perspective and it's nice. It wasn't long ago I was their age and going through the same feelings and things. I just hope, as all parents do, that I'm doing right by them and that they grow to be open-minded and well-rounded. I know they're compassionate and good...everyone tells me so and they're right ...they're awesome good natured kids, I just hope they become great men.

Sorry about the typos, I'm tired.

Peace....

1st day back

Yesterday was my 1st day back to school. The whole day seemed weird to me. The students were acting strange, the teachers didn't come across as very nice...it was just odd. I think the rest of the class were just as bummed about being back as I was. No one talked much and everyone acted grouchy. The teachers all knew our names and we never even told them. I think they have dociers on us and study them...seriously. The same thing happened last semester and I know they keep a picture of us on file because they took one 1st semester. We didn't do much really except get oriented to what we'd be doing this semester and we went over our care plans and what's expected of us at clinical. Today we had our clinical orientation. There are 7 of us in my group and they're all pretty cool, so hopefully this rotation won't be too bad. We are on a 40 bed, super busy medical/surgical unit of our hospital. The instructor seems a little scatter brained, but nice....so far. You never really know an instructor until you have clinical with them so we'll see. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Myself and another student had to leave early in the day to drive 30 miles back to school to attend our second class...medical microbioligy. The class is from 1-4 every Monday and Wednesday. I've heard it's the hardest of all the nursing pre-req's....can't wait! After this class I have one more pre-req to get and it's my humanties/elective class. I'll take it in the summer.....no biggie. If I could turn back time (Cher) I'd have finished them all before starting the nursing classes, but when I got the letter saying I was accepted I couldn't reject. For those of you who aren't in the program yet....finish your pre-req's first!!!
So far we've been given about 3 pieces of homework to complete and we have 2 quiz's next week in micro. This class is going to be really difficult. It's a lot of busy work that I don't have time for right now but I'll do my best and see what comes. Atleast I know I'm not alone and there are others in my class taking it as well. Isn't it awful that I'm glad I'm not alone? lol Misery loves company, or so they say. Our 1st nursing test is next Friday (lower GI and oncology), we haven't even had 1 hour of lecture yet....hopefully that's a good sign. Maybe there won't be much on the test. Yeah right! LOL Well..I must go get busy on my assignments. I've pledged to do everything the night it's assigned so I'm never behind. Good luck to everyone going down this road too!

Until next time...

Mr. CHF

Two more days folks. Two days until I go back through the gates of hell...nursing school. I drove to school the other day to pick up my books and the second I saw the school sitting on top of that hill I felt sick. Ugh. It looked all dark and ominous. Not a good sign. I hope I don't scare any of the hopeful nursing students away with my posts. LOL It's not that bad really.........well, yeah it is, but I promise it's worth it. Don't judge your school program by my own and don't take anything I say to heart because I'm really negative when it comes to school. I always get this way before a semester, so don't let me frighten you too bad. He he. Once I get there I'll be ok...I hope.

I have yet to complete my care plans... I plan on starting them tonight. Judging my my case studies I'll be up until the wee hours of the morning. Here is one of them:

A 85 yo man is admitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of congestive heart failure.
Nursing assessment findings include: A & O times three. B/P 170/100. Apical/radial pulse of 130 and irregular. Respiratory rate 22 and shallow at rest with increase to 30 a minute and irregular with exertion of walking to bathroom. Oxygen at 3 liter per nasal cannula. Bilateral coarse crackles in bases anteriorly and bilaterally half way up in posterior lung fields. Heart sounds distant S1 S2. 3+ pitting pedal edema. Radial pulses 2+ and pedis pulses 1+. Extremities slightly cool to touch. Skin turgor loose over sternum. Requires assist of one with bath and help of one to ambulate. Weight of 170 on admit and noted 160 upon discharge one week ago. States “no appetite” and admits to maybe “one good meal” each day consisting of “some taters, ham and beans” with “some cola and coffee”. Lives alone. Daughter lives four hours away. Attends local church regularly. Denies regular checkups to family physician. “I go when I have a problem.”
Reports “I have only two vices. Smoking and a few beers now and then.” Does confirm when questioned that he has smoked 2 PPD for 45 years. This is his fifth admission in 9 months to the hospital for CHF. Admits he gets up “four or five times a night to pee”. Medications sent home with him last admit were: Lopressor 50 mg BID, Lasix 40 mg qam, vasotec 5 mg daily and nitcotine patch to wear daily. Diet to be 2gm Na.
You administered Lasix 40 mg IV at 8am and Lopressor 50mg po at 9am.
Initial labs results: HCT 31%, BUN 26, Sodium 136, Potassium 3.0.
Four days after admit: HCT is now 35%,sodium of 136, potassium 3.4 and the patient has lost 3 pounds.
Thinking question: Why was the initial HCT 31% and the potassium 3.0? Why did the sodium remain the same?

Okie dokie! I'll get right on top of that.

My first impression is that he has .....obviously...fluid volume excess r/t CHF..but I'm sure that's too simple of a dx for them. How about Impaired breathing pattern r/t CHF? I think the reason why his HCT is low is because he's holding onto all of his fluid in his extracellular space and it isn't in the cells, therefore he's dehydrated ( As evidenced by: poor skin turgor), low cell volume = poor O2 echange = resp rate of 22-30 (trying to compensate). The weight he gained is obviously because he's holding on to the fluid and the weight loss is because of the Lasix. Was he not taking his meds properly? Hmmm. The edema, crackles in the lungs and distant pulses are r/t the excess fluid. Anyhow, getting to the NA (sodium) and the K ( potassium). I have no idea why his NA remained the same. This stumps me. Normally if you have excess fluid you have a low NA. My critical thinking tells me (and what do I know, I'm only a student?) that because there isn't much fluid in the cells that the NA has shifted there, but that wouldn't make sense either really b/c it says it's NORMAL. Hell...that needs to be investigated. Listen to me trying to sound all smart. He he. Anyway..... I think the K was low because he's getting up all night to "pee", therefore losing the K. If it were me I would have put the man on aldactone because it's a K sparer instead of the lasix, but again....I'm could be wrong, I'm only a student. I think a secondary diagnosis would be noncompliance...seems as though he comes to the hospital to be corrected and is somewhat stable then he goes downhill again....but this is only an assumption and assumptions aren't to be made, according to our student handbook. (HA!) Well, here I have sat trying to work on my care plan all while blogging to you fine people. Maybe I'll do all of my homework on my blog so it won't seem like work, but fun.
I kid. Don't worry, I won't put you through the agony!

Incase you haven't noticed, I have updated this blog to make it look better. It was so boring before. I've also discovered how to add videos and I've become obsessed. I cannot stop adding them. Many of my videos are some of my favorite songs that hold special meaning to me...in one way or another. ;-) What would we do without music? I can be in a foul mood and listen to the Dead and feel better instantly. It's my happy pill.....music. Therapy for the soul. Sometimes we get so caught up with life that we forget the more important things. I admit that I do it often. So, when I feel disconnected I just pop in some tunes and heal my soul, and dagummit you should too!

My advice to Mr. CHF: Take one happy pill q day every day for the rest of your life...and oh...take your other meds as ordered, visit your phsycian regularly and stop smoking and drinking too!

Until next time....
Peace!

McSexy Pants

I was so busy complaining in my last post that I forgot to mention the new episode of Grey's Anatomy. Speaking of Grey's....check out those pics of McDreamy/Patrick Dempsey....Sigh! Need I say more? The images speak for themselves.

Now that I've regained my composure, let's talk about the episode. First of all..what's with all the lying/covering up on the show? Cristina lied about helping Burke...Burke lied about his hand...Dr Bailey and the chief are lying/witholding from George about his dad etc...etc... It seems like these people are always keeping something from someone and the something that they are keeping is going to create a lot of problems in the future. Did that make sense? Anyway, I feel so bad for George, he's going to be so hurt when he finds out about his father and what Miranda and the Chief did, but he knows what's going to happen...inevitably. He's a Dr and sometimes being a Dr or a nurse can be inconvenient because they know what can and will happen. Sometimes it's best to be ignorant. I wish George were ignorant about his dad's illness. I hate to see him struggle the way he is. I loved how Callie has stood by him during everything, she really does love him. I also loved the part where George was checking the catheter bag awaiting the urine and when it cam Callie and George jumped up and down all excited and then kissed eachother. Only people in the medical profession can really appriciate and understand how important that urine can be. It made me smile.

Izzy at the bank depositing that 9 million dollar check of Denny's.....she played that scene so well. I wanted to cry right along with her. It was as if that was all she had left of Denny and she was finally letting it go. Metaphorically she had to deposit that check so she could move on in her career and life now didn't she? I saw in the previews she was going to want to pay for that girls spinal surgery and Miranda was telling her not to get personally involved again. Sigh...oh Izzy, your heart is too big. The man at the bank was hilarious, he looked at her as if she was crazy and well, she kinda was in that moment. I think having that much money can sometimes be more of a burden than a relief. It comes with great responsability, I just hope she keeps some for herself. LOL

The Cristina/Burke thing was really cute and touching. She kept trying to get everyone to ask how his hand was doing for her because she was too proud to ask herself. He wasn't falling for it. They were both too stubborn to speak the first word because then the other would 'win'. I loved how at the end of the episode they were both just laying there staring at eachother, neither saying one word. It spoke volumes about their relationship...this is why I love the show. One look says more than words and Shonda Rhimes gets that and executes it with perfection.

Speaking of looks...the way that McDreamy looks at Merideth...he doesn't even have to open his mouth. His eyes speak volumes. I bet they could have a show where all he did was stare into the camera lens and people would watch and be just as intrigued as if he were speaking. His style is so subtle, but so moving. Sigh..again. I love him. When he and Mer were talking by the nurses station and she tells him about her abandonment issues and that he has to sleep with her from now on and all he says is 'ok'.....perfect!!!!!! They should sell him in a jar.

OMG..I almost forgot about Alex and Addison! I can't believe they almost kissed, I mean I knew it was coming, but it was still a shocker...the sweetest moment. I've never seen Alex so vulnerable. She asked why he left the plastics (or something) and he said...because he was mean to you. Awwww...what a softie. When he backed out of the room....hehehe.

If you haven't seen this episode or any of them...head on over to www.abc.com to watch all of them. If you aren't a fan now, then you will be. It's the best show on television.

If you haven't noticed I updated my blog ..I'm still trying to get it right. It might be a while as I havent' a lot of time.

Peace out.

Vent!

I got an email today from my instructors saying that we had 2 care plans to complete by our 1st day of class. We aren't even back to school yet and they're already loading us down with assignments. ARG!!! What if we pretended like we didn't get the email? What would they do about it? I don't want to spend my last few days of "freedom" doing care plans. Save it for clinical....geesh! Nursing instructors assume we don't have a life outside of school, not to mention other classes. Example: I am also taking micro this semester and my 1st day in that class is Wednesday and guess what? They scheduled clinical orientation on Wed from 6-5. Hello...some of us do have other classes! Our clinicals aren't even on Wed. they're on Thursdays....so why not have our orientation then when we are scheduled to do it? What do they expect those of us who have a Wed class to do...miss it? Anyway...I just needed to vent. I had my weekend all planned out and now I'll spend it doing those care plans....which I hate to do. Yes, I know it helps the nurse to think critically and all that other stuff...but save it for when we're back in school and you have my time because until the first official day of school I'm not yours! Maybe this is their way of preparing us for reality. Many nurses I know are called in on their days off and are made to feel crappy if they say no. I, however, will not feel bad about saying no, in fact I might not answer the phone at all. LOL Maybe I'll just play dumb and act like I didn't get the email...LOL That'd be nice, but I'm sure I'll complete them because that's the kind of slave I am.

While I'm already venting there are a few other things I need to get off of my chest. As part of our clinical hours we were told we had to go to the site the night before to get our assignments. This really isn't a problem for me because I happen to live in the town where I do my clinical...but what about the ones who don't live here? I go to school about 30 miles from where I live and a lot of the students who are actually doing their rotation in my city don't live here, meaning they will have to drive 30 + miles every Wed night just to get handed a piece of paper with their patients on it. Last semester we were emailed our assignments from our instructor. I just hope that I don't ever have a clinical 30 miles from here and have to drive there just to get my sheet of paper...I think I'd be extremely upset about it. There...I've said my piece. I'm finished venting and I feel better already....not really, but what can ya do?


Onto other things...I think my house is haunted. I won't go into details about the happenings just now, but I will say that my ghost friend likes to scare the crap out of me while I'm alone. Where are TAPS when you need them? I think I'll do a little investigating on my own and let you know what I find. I just hope that I don't hear or see anything. If I saw a full on apparition I'd lose all bladder control. On the other hand, I don't like feeling like something is there, but not seeing it either. I don't think the spirit is a bad one, but good or bad I don't like noisy invisible shit.

This reminds me of something comedian Mitch Hedberg says " I think Big Foot really is blurry, and a big out of focus monster roaming around the countryside is scary."

Peace

You Know You're a Nursing Student When...

Most of these I wrote from my own experience, but some of them I read elsewhere...either way, they are the common denominator among us students. Enjoy!


Your backpack is on wheels because it weighs more than you do

Your arms are toned from pulling your backpack

You can discuss a stage 4 decubitus ulcer over lunch and not think twice about it

You are like a kid at Christmas when you open your lab kit each semester and shriek with delight because you got a foley catheter this term

You have nightmares about your clinical instructor

You have nightmares you forgot to chart your assessment findings and clinical instructor gives you a big fat U!

You are standing next to a gorgeous guy and you think...he has nice veins.

You diagnose yourself with whatever ailment you're studying at the time

You secretly hope that your patient has high blood sugar so you can give an insulin injection

You study until 1:00am and get up at 5:00am to study some more

You can cry in front of your classmates because you've seen them all cry before too (men and women)

You look older than you did a year ago

You live off of coffee and snacks out of the vending machine

When two of the four test answers are correct but you have to pick the most correct answer (hate those)

You can eat breakfast, study for a test and talk on the phone all while driving to school

When Maslow's Hierarchy and Davis's Drug Guide becomes your bible

Your family members only visit if they have an illness

You can spot microscopic germs from a mile away

You check the expiration date of your Tylenol and you never did before

You point out all of the medical mistakes on television shows

You wash your hands before using the bathroom

You subconsciously diagnose everyone in your family

You shout "I'VE GOT BLOOD!" with joy if you get a blood return on an IV stick

You write everything in nursing shorthand

You hear a stranger cough up phlegm and not only do you assess it, but you instruct them to drink plenty of fluids and to turn, cough and deep breath qid

You have more ink pens than Bic, but most of them have drug names on them

You notice every person in a restaurant who is about to choke when no one else does

You mentally prepare the steps you'll take when they actually do choke

You praise Jesus silently when they don't and go back to your meal

You read license plate letters and they become medical abbreviations (HCT=hematocrit, SOB=short of breath, DKA=diabetic ketoacidosis etc...) and you wonder if the driver knows they have this problem. Ha!

Your patients look scared when they see your student nurse badge and that you're holding a needle

You assess your children's urine for color, clarity and smell

You witness someone wash their hands and turn off the faucet without a paper towel and you CRINGE!

Your laundry pile is competing with Mount Everest

You use your pen light to look down drains

When someone tells you how much they weigh and you mentally convert it into kg

You don't ask questions anymore that require yes or no answers, because it wouldn't be 'therapeutic'

You bend down to pick something up and you feel a strain and you shout "I think I pulled my sternocleidomastoid!"

You get excited when your patient has a big BM

Your classmates start to know you better than your own family

You and your classmates fight over who will get to put an NG tube in

You see someone with a blown up 'beer belly' and know they probably have ascites

When a friend tells you they're thirsty you reflexively assess their skin turgor and they yell OUCH!

You look at your paper cut and notice it is scabbing and think to yourself... epithelialization phase.

You forget what it's like to have free time....what's that?

You make a mistake in your lecture notes and you draw a line through it and initial it with the date and time

You let your classmates stick you because they need the practice

When someone complains of numbness and tingling in their feet you automatically wonder if they're diabetic

You get excited when you hear an S3 or S4 in someones rhythm

Your text books and supplies per semester cost more than your mortgage payment

You now know that Lasix and "water pill" are the same thing

Your kids and pets become your guinea pigs

You empty you lab coat and find alcohol pads, saline flushes, tape and gloves in them

Your backpack looks like a garbage can

You open doors with your back

Hearing rhonchi or stridor makes you giddy

And finally....you know you're a student nurse when: You're on a break from school and spend everyday thinking about all the work you'll be doing the next semester instead of enjoying your time off!

Keep on Keepin' On

It's late and I'm not tired. Ever since I've been out of school I've been on this weird schedule. I stay up late and want to sleep late and I hate sleeping in. I like getting up early and if I don't then it ruins my day. I hope I can get back on schedule by the time school starts in 11 days, 264 hours and 15,840 minutes from now. Yes, I'm counting...and dreading. I'm being pessimistic, I know, but without it I wouldn't survive. It's how I cope. I always feel dread before the beginning of a semester and I always think I'll fail all of my tests. Before every exam I proclaim that "I'm going to fail, I just know it!" Then I hear from everyone, "You always say that". Granted, I haven't failed a test yet, but someday I will and then I can look at all those people and say... I told you so! Ha ha. At least I can now tell people I'll be graduating this year, that's a positive right? Wonder how many minutes until then? Nevermind, I don't want to know.

Even though I'm going to hate going back to stress town I am excited to see some of my classmate friends again. They speaka my language and they know my pain. It's hard talking to civilians about this nursing school/boot camp life because they just don't understand it and I don't expect them to. You may as well be speaking Yiddish. Heck, half the time I don't even understand it myself. LOL If I had to explain it, I'd liken nursing school to jogging up a mountain for months at a time without stopping. At first you have some steam and you're moving at an ok pace. (This is usually over by the 1st day)You run into all kinds of rough terrain but you find a way around it. (Instructors, skill tests, 6am clinicals) As time goes on you feel like you've been running in the same spot for weeks.(Mid-term blues) You're out of energy and you're running on fumes. (Coffee and vending machine food) You look around and see your fellow classmates and they're all huffin' and puffin' right along with you and you keep on treckin'. (Looks like Jane may need some oxygen, she's way back there) Finally you start to see the top (I can only miss 10 on the final or else I fail the class!) and after another upward, rocky climb you finally make it. (Shew, I missed 9!) You collapse in exhaustion, but you're elated. You don't know whether to laugh, cry or hit something. (I did all three) You're just d*mn glad it's OVER! (For a few weeks anyway) You look down that mountain and see everything you accomplished all you surpassed to get to the top. (How the hell did I do that without medication?)And you then realize you forgot something at the bottom and have to go back....just kidding!

Ok, enough of my stories. Let me just tell all you people who don't think this is difficult and who like to compare it to "regular" college classes that you are just plain stupid....just kidding again...let me just say that until you have walked a mile in a nursing students shoes you should never say such a thing because it might result in a harmful injury.
Nursing diagnosis: Impaired mobility: related to being hit in the knee with a heavy Littman stethoscope.

He he he...THE END!

I'm gonna miss you sucka

Here's a picture of my clinical group, minus one. I think she was sick that day, anyway....that's our teach in the pink. She turned out to be a really cool lady, but I'm glad we won't be going back there. LOL The unit was great, but I'm ready for something else.

Well, I found out one of my nursing home girls isn't coming back next semester. (She's the one in the front, on the right in the photo) I'm sad about it, she and I had many a laughs and screw ups at clinical together. We could figure out how to draw up meds and give shots, but neither of us knew how to refill the coke machine/dispenser and we ended up with syrup all over our pristine white uniforms. Classic! It's nice to be around people who don't take their selves so seriously and she was my partner in crime. We'd always meet up in the hallway and tell eachother about the stupid things we did or said and laugh till we were in tears. Sometimes life throws things at you and knocks you off course, but everything happens for a reason. I wish her well and hope she goes back to school to finish someday. Peace out sista!

Happy New Year !!!!!

It's New Year's Eve y'all. Come midnight it will be 2007, I can't believe it. When I was young I always thought in the year 2000 we'd all be driving around in space crafts like the Jetson's had. I just drive a minivan. Ha ha! I envisioned us in silver space suits with helmets and cheap flights to the moon. Pretty ridiculous right?

Every New Year's we have went out on the town and partied it up. This New Year's Eve we plan on a nice quiet little party at our house with drinks and music and games. I guess that's what you do when you get older. LOL Plus it saves the frustration of getting a cab. The last 2 years we took a taxi out and it took the cab 2 hours after the party to pick us up. Arg! Needless to say the transportation dept in my town isn't well equipped and aren't the nicest ppl you'll ever meet either. I'm putting it nicely.

For those of you who are driving...be safe. No drinkin' and drivin' people.
p.s. call ahead a couple of hours for a cab!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Christmas Eve Eve

I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I love Christmas and all, but I feel more stressed out this Christmas than I normally do. Perhaps it has to do with the family. I love them and all but I can only take them in small, infrequent doses. Plus, I always feel so broke this time of year. Having 4 kids is expensive, especially at Christmas time. Maybe this is why so many people get drunk on New Year's...they're washing away their Christmas time blues. I also dread the taking down of the lights and tree. Ugh!
Anyway...
I finally finished my book Outlander. When I wrote the post about the book I was only 500 pages in. (See Outlander post). It was so good I can't even say, but there are some things about the book I forgot to mention such as....the violence. This book is extremely violent in some parts and I'm not typically squeamish, but DANG! What Black Jack Randall does to Jamie toward the end of the book is horrifying and it was really hard to read. I had to set the book down a couple of times to regain my composure. Also there was a lot of sex in the book , some of it violent and also hard to read. You have to read it to know what I'm talking about, but it's terrible too. THat kind of thing happened a lot in the 1700's though and that is what you have to keep in mind while reading. Glad I didn't grow up them. Ha!

Well, I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all and I hope everyone gets what they want from Santa.

Peace out!

Craigh Na Dun (see Outlander post)

Go and and get ye this book Lads and Lassies

As often as I can I try to make time for a good read. And no I'm not talking about Medical Surgical Nursing either. I'm talking about a great story to get swept up in. Well, I have found it. The book is called Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. (www.dianagabaldon.com and www.amazon.com) I normally don't include my favorite books in my blog, but I felt I must tell you about this one. While shopping at my local book store I came across this book and noticed it was a mother of a book....a little over 800 pages long!!! I had heard from several people that this book was really good, but the size was daunting. (Don't let the size deter you, or the plot description on the back...it's much more than a romance, believe me!!!) Despite all that, I thought I'd get it where it would probably sit on my must read pile like all the others. So, being out of school and having some free time I decided to pick it up and take a gander. I haven't left the book since, except to tend to such things like eating and the occasional trip to the toilet. I know my family is about to go crazy, but I just can't put it down. It's been a long time since I have been this submerged in a book. This is the 1st of Mrs. Gabaldon's novels I have read and it won't be the last considering this is the 1st book of a series and judging by the reviews the entire series is fantastic. Let me just say that this book isn't just a story, it's an epic adventure full of romance, humor, passion, action, adventure, mystery, danger, magic and intrigue. How she pulled all of this off in one book is incredible. You will be spellbound from beginning to end and taken on a journey through the Scottish highlands seen through the eyes of Claire the heroine. Not one page is boring and not for a minute can I put the book down. This book is for men and women alike. Yes it has a lot of romance and some hot sex scenes, but it's so much more than that. It's perfectly balanced and written in the most honest way possible.

Ok, so here is the synopsis: Claire Beauchamp Randall was a British combat nurse ( go figure eh?) in the 1940's during World War II. The story picks up at the end of the war where Claire and her husband Frank are reunited after a 6 year long separation. Married in Scotland and separated shortly after, Frank , a history professor, was shipped off to war and Claire was left to nurse the sick and injured. They meet up once again for a second honeymoon back in Inverness, Scotland (the site of their marriage)to rekindle their burning flames and so that Frank can do a little family history research of his late descendants/ancestors. He makes a big discovery and finds that his great, great, great... (realllly great) grandfather was a captain of the British army in and around 1740's and he had a reputation of being somewhat of a dictator. Claire, being uninterested and bored by his research spends her days milling around the rolling green hills of Scotland collecting different plants and flowers for her own botany research (she's interested in the plant's healing powers). (Sounds boring? Well It isn't ...keep reading) She stumbles upon a great fairy hill and nestled at the top is a miniature'esque Stonehenge called Craigh na Dun. Fascinated, she tells Frank and they decided to venture up the hill on the next day. While upon the hill they discover some visitors. Frank recognizing them as Local "witches" coming to do some kind of ritual, hides himself and Claire so they can watch the ceremony without disturbing them. The women do some chanting in some native tongue and they leave. Frank surveys the site and can find no signs of anything different and they decide to go. On their way out Claire discovers a rare flower she'd read about and decides to come back later to get it. Later that evening as Claire is preparing for bed and Frank's return, the weather takes a turn for the worse with the wind picking up and the rain pouring down. Frank is walking up to the B&B where they are lodged and notices a man in full on kilt and everything standing outside staring up at Claire's window watching her. He asks the man if he can assist him in any way , the man walks away without a word and Frank notices despite the wind and rain the man's kilt and hair never moves and Frank swears the man dissapeared like a ghost. He gently questions Claire assuming for a moment that while they were apart she took a lover and she becomes immediately defensive that he would ask such a thing. Moving on....the next day Claire ventures back to the fairy hill in search of the flower. Moving between the stones she suddenly hears a loud noise such as shouting, buzzing, sounds of war as she's heard them before. Feeling odd sensations as though she's fighting an invisible force she finds herself on the same hill, in the same place but it's different. There is shouting and shooting and fighting. Claire witnesses men in red coats and men in kilts of a different time period and assumes she bumped her head or is on the set of a movie which she quickly finds out she is not when she is captured and almost raped by none other than Captain "Black Jack" Randall, realllly great grandfather to her husband Frank. Terrified and confused Claire struggles for her life and just when Jack Randall is about to have his way with her he's hit over the head and Claire is saved and captured once again and led off on horseback by none other than a real Scottish Highlander. This is where the story actually takes off and begins.

Claire finds herself in a real life castle surrounded by dirty, huge Scottish brogues and this is when she meets Jamie. (Sigh!) Sitting by a fire nursing a badly cut shoulder wounded from battle Claire sees Jamie and recognizes instantly that if she doesn't help him clean the wound it will become infected quickly and he could possibly lose his life. Watching some of the other men try and clean Jamie's wound with soiled rags Claire steps in and offers to clean and stitch his wound. Claire instantly notices Jamie's body is covered in scars and that his back looks as though it's been thrashed sometime in the past. Badly scarred and looking horrifyingly painful Claire makes no mention so as not to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. The men immediately recognize Claire as an asset, a healer and quite a bonny (pretty) one too. They are also more genteel than the English soldiers and realize she could be in danger if found by them again. They also realize she may be a threat as well because they recognize her accent as Sassenach (Outlander/English) and think she might be a spy of some kind. They decide to take her along on their long journey back to the Leoch (the home of the Mackenzie clan) so they can keep a close eye on her and to also let Laird Mackenzie (Colum) decide what to do with her. On the run from the English soldiers and other enemies of the Mackenzie clan they begin their long journey back to Leoch traveling in the shadows in constant fear of danger. Jamie MacKenzie Fraser is told to take Claire on his charge for the journey and to keep her safe. Along the ride Claire gets to know a little about Jamie and recognizes that he is as friendly as he is handsome. He thanks her for the mending of his shoulder and vows to keep her safe on their way to Castle Leoch. The friendship is instant, but also distant as there is a lot that Jamie doesn't know about Claire and a lot that he keeps from her as well. Throughout this trip to Leoch Claire does a lot of thinking and comes to the conclusion that some way she will escape and find her way back to Craigh na Dun so that she can somehow get out of there and get back home to Frank, but she will wait until the time is right and hopes that maybe the Laird of Leoch will help her get back. Deciding to keep her "secret" to herself she feels a little better knowing she has a plan. In the meantime finding a friend and protector in Jamie helps her ease her fears and take her mind off of her bizarre and frightening situation for the time being. Once they arrive at Leoch is when the story takes off and flourishes. Claire is welcomed at Leoch as a guest but is watched closely by the Clan upon orders of the Laird. And thus the story begins and no I haven't given anything away, but let me say that the love that develops between Claire and Jamie is real and pure and without those (whatever!) moments. There will never be two characters like Jamie and Claire again. They've made an impression on my heart forever. In fact, every character in this book is so meaty and rich that you feel as if you know them and you keep turning the pages to find out what happens with them next. As the story goes on Claire and Jaime discover that they are a part of one soul and this leaves Claire with all the what if questions and forces her to face herself and her future plans. It's interesting to see them on this journey through time travel and space. I don't mean to go on and on, but you must read it to become as engaged as I am, believe me...it's worth it and will never be lent out to anyone!

You either love it or hate it

You know how when you go on My Space to visit a friend's site and before you know it hours have passed and you've looked up everyone you've ever known and more likely than not they're on there? I love looking up the ex's. They're the most fun to look up because it helps you remember why you aren't with them anymore. I once dated a guy who refurbished Volkswagen Vans for a living. He still does it, I'm sure it's a very lucrative career. I remember our break up like it was yesterday. Everything was fine then BAM, no phone calls, no nothing and we were together for a
couple of years. He was out of my life as quick as he entered it. I had heard he joined a commune somewhere and is living off the land. I saw him about a year ago and he was hitting on me...the nerve of some people. It felt great to turn my back and walk away and never turn back. I also saw a lot of people I went to high school with.
Most of them haven't changed a bit. That is why I don't go to reunions. I have several friends from high school that I still speak to regularly. Why do I want to go to a reunion to see people I didn't like back then? Maybe I'll attend my 20th, we'll see.

As I was reading many of the My Space pages I noticed a lot of them had their likes and dislikes and I thought..hey what a great idea so I'm going to post mine. Ok....where to begin...let's start with the positive shall we?

What I like:
Getting hugs from my kids
Falling in love
Reading a fantastic book
Laughing till I cry
Deep conversation
Laying in the sun
People who are chill
Sunsets
Being alone
FLowers...especially daisies, orchids and lilacs
Peace
Seeing my kids smile
Passionate people
Peter Gabriel's song In Your Eyes
The Allman Brother's Soulshine (obviously)
Passing nursing school
Open minds
Road trips
Warm towels
Clean sheets
A fridge full of food
Teaching my children
A voice full of soul
Rainy days
Tie Dying t-shirts
A good cry
Hearing my husband's voice
Good manners
A great photograph
Connecting with my spirit
Meeting new people
Traveling to places I haven't been
Intelligent people
Cozy fires
Hot baths
Candles
Oprah
Being silent
My groovy music
Dancing to my groovy music
Caring for others
The colors white, blue, green and brown
A great kiss
Heartfelt moments
Being silly
Laughing at myself
Talking on the phone with friends
Learning new things
Feeling young and alive
Having money in my pocket
Shopping without guilt
Reading gossip mags
Looking into someones eyes and knowing they love you


Things I hate:
Rude people
People who make fun of the disabled or mentally challenged (GRRRR)
When one of my son's are sick
Fighting
Chewing with your mouth open
Getting bad grades when I studied
Studying
The colors orange, hot pink and mustard
Closed minds
Drunken stupid people
Being broke
People who can't drive
Feeling stuck
People who want you to listen to their beliefs but won't listen to yours
Fanatics
People who are uptight
Movies about Satan
Feeling sick and tired
Being alone
Plane crashes
Nightmares
Anything with ketchup on it
Vomit
The sound of a ringing phone
Bills in the mailbox
Weeds
Dirty dishes
Cave crickets
The end of a good book
Getting older
Feeling older
Not being good enough
Not getting enough sleep
Feeling hopeless
Confrontation
Not being heard
Not feeling validated
Punishing my kids
Marilyn Manson
Flying
Potty training
Being misunderstood
Racism
Know-it-alls
Waiting a week for my favorite show
Checking my email
Sending email
Dirty teeth
Feeling fat
Having buyers remorse
Smoking
Feeling neglected
War
Bill O'Reilly
Paris Hilton
Crime
An empty fridge
Conflict
and finally...I hate hate

Two Down, Two to Go

Well....nursing 202 is complete....CHECK! I'm officially half a nurse. How about that! As we go through this little thing called nursing school we learn that we live one moment, one test and one skill at a time. Every thing is an accomplishment that means we're on to the next accomplishment that gets us to the end of the semester. I missed 9 out of 80 questions on the final exam making an 88% , which is a B and I made an 87% (B) total for the semester...not bad if I do say so myself. Only two people out of 30 made A's in the class. They must have photographic memories or something. I think's it's almost impossible to make an A in nursing and if you do then right on!!!!!! Congrats Michelle and Denise....you rock sistas!!!!!! I wish I were one of those people who remembered everything that was said to me. I have a terrible memory. I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning, much less hours of lecture. Oh well....this is the brain God gave me...ha!

This past weekend was pretty much a nightmare. Everyone in my family had some kind of ailment and I had my final exam on Monday. I was stressing out big time. My youngest son was admitted into the hospital for dehydration. He had the terrible stomach virus for the second time since November SIGH! Bless his heart, he's better now and we're all still recovering, but getting there. My exam was 11:00 on Monday so I got to school at about 8:30 to try and study in some peace. As I sat in my car chugging my coffee, trying to wake up from being up all night nursing my kids back to health, I began to panic. I was reading all the material and it just wasn't sticking. My breathing became rapid and I couldn't gather my thoughts. My mouth was tingling so I automatically thought I was hypocalcemic and was experiencing tetany. LOL But then my rational mind told me I was hyperventilating. I tried my deep breathing and the more I did that the more panicked I became. Since when did I become so anxious about tests? I began to have test anxiety when I started nursing school, but this was the worst case I've ever had. I started feeling clostrophobic so I got out of the car and decided to go inside and find a quiet place to hide and gather myself. When I walk in the door I see one of my teachers doing some kind of relaxation therapy with a couple of other students and heard others talking about feeling like hurling. This did nothing to calm my own nerves. I ran into one of my first semester teachers Michelle and she must have noticed the panic on my face and began guiding me back to my happy place. She talked to me and helped me calm down and it really eased my mind and I owe her. God bless ya Michelle! I'm just glad it's over.

It's funny, when I would go to clinical and talk to the nurses about nursing school all they would say was...."it was difficult". They wouldn't say anything else. Maybe they blocked it out of their minds never to be thought about again and I can see why. I'm not trying to be a whiner or complainer, but this is the most challenging time of my life. If it weren't for my family and my nursing school buddies I don't think I could have made it this far. I'm glad it's over....until January anyway.

I am going to relax and spend a lot of time with my kids until I go back to school. Relax and re-energize....that's my goal.

Until next time.....

Merry Christmas Everyone!