March 16, 2008

Nursing is a Nasty Business

Myspace Comments - IV Drip

So I was helping a doc remove a chest tube from my young client. The other nurse grabs the tube to help him remove it and didn't secure the tip as it came out and chest tube drainiage went everywhere...including in my hair and it even got on my forehead. Can you say NASTY? I was so grossed out. Luckily I had on my mask with a shield, otherwise it would have gotten in my eyes or worse...mouth. EEEWWWWW! The rest of the day I felt so icky. It was awful. So the lesson of the day is....mask, gown, deinately glove and stand back when anything is being removed from anyone.

I start back on the night shift ON MY OWN on Tuesday. I'm glad....days on my floor is like trying to work in the midst of a crisis at all times. It's the most chaotic thing and it really works on your nerves. Nights are difficult too, but much more mellow and less INSANE! I'm very scared about taking care of a team all by myself and I will be driving people crazy with all the questions, but it will also feel good to have some independance too. I'll let you know how it goes...I'm sure I will have a lot, or nothing at all to say, depending on how it goes.

March 11, 2008

My first shift as a real RN!

First of all...thanks to all my blogger buddies for your heartfelt congrats. It means so much to me :-) Now that I have more time I will be able to check your blogs more and keep myself updated with how everyone is doing!!

My first day...well let me say I'm still in orientation...I have 2 more days and then I'm on my OWN! I am very nervous and am sure I will have some terrible nights, but I expect it, as I'm still learning everyday and am still very green between the ears.

Today was a little nutty. I'm finishing up my days orientation and as everyone knows...days is complete chaos and mayhem, especially on a surgery floor. New orders, people going to surgery, doctors coming in and out, people coming from surgery, therapists everywhere, students...they always make me smile. It was just yesterday you know? Aside from all of that, it felt SO GOOD to sign RN behind my name today. Everytime I did I felt like I was doing something illegal and would be found out. LOL It will definately take some getting use to, but in a VERY good way. I felt like I was cheesing all corny.

When I first got to work I still didn't have my license number, but my boss came up behind me and handed me a paper with my license number on it. I don't think I've ever smiled so big in my life! She hugged me and congratulated me and that set the tone for the rest of the day. Everyone really made me feel special...they even put up a banner that read Congratulations Christy, RN! It made me feel soooo good and proud. I have never felt such warmth ,it was just awesome. I got my big ole RN badge and it felt like a medal of honor, I know it sounds so stupid, but that little plastic badge signifies so much in my life and I am damn proud of it too!

It's a very surreal feeling to have what you've wanted for so long, and to have really earned it! Only another nurse can really appreciate what it takes to become one and I am so grateful that atleast for one day, I was made to feel very special and appreciated. I will never forget it.

The goal is attainable with a lot of hard work. Never give up on your dreams, for anyone or anything, because the reward is priceless. I am a testament that anyone can have their dreams if they never give up.

Ok...enough with the ultracheez.

Peace & Love,
Christy RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March 9, 2008

The Results Are In...

I woke up this morning knowing that the results would be posted on the pearson vue website. It still said "the results aren't ready". So I sat with myself in my quiet sleepy house and had a talk with God and told him that whatever will happen will happen and that I'm leaving it in his hands now. I also knew that by the time I was finished with my prayer the results would be ready and sure enough it read.."the results are in" so I went to grab my debit card and made the slow, knee knocking trek back to my computer. I typed in all the information, crying like a baby the whole time, prepared for the word "fail" and clicked the next button with my eyes covered. When I opened them all I could read was the word... "PASS"! I jumped out of my seat, ran to my husband, woke him up crying that I had passed. What a feeling. I am still in shock. God is good!

I PASSED....I'm officially an RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March 8, 2008

So I Took This Little Test Yesterday...

When I woke up yesterday morning I had the feeling of someone who was waking to her death. I can't explain the feeling other than to say I was so scared I was numb. Going into the testing center was all a blur. I remember handing the lady my ATT (Authorization To Test) and giving her my drivers license then kissing my husband goodbye as if he was never coming back for me. He had this smile on his cute little face that read "I'm proud of you" but I didn't feel very proud at that moment. When he walked out I felt so alone.

There were about 5 other girls there...all looking a bit like me...terrible. So they handed me a form to read the rules of the exam, which basically said...nothing aloud inside except watches, no gum, no phone, no purse, no nothing. I wondered for a moment if they may strip search me. I got a locker and a key and nervously put my things inside. I was so anxious I locked my locker before I even opened it. lol Then they call my name again and I had to have my fingerprint scanned about 5 times...they ain't playing y'all. Then I sat in the chair and they took my picture. No smile, no expression except a blank look of fear. The picture is worth a thousand words. Marlene Hurst said that our NCLEX photos would look like we had exopthalmus....mine surely did. It looks like a mugshot. Oy!

So I was motioned to enter "the" room. Before I walked in, there sat a lady...the "test proctor" she had a desk just outside the room that was glass so she could see everyone testing. She explained there were cameras and microphones recording our every sound and movement. She then handed me a dry erase board and had me scan my fingerprint to again verify it was me. I was me 2 paces before I got to the one switched identities with me! Talk about a negative environment. I sat at my desk (I was in cubicle #4), she logged me on the computer and so it began. It started with the test rules and how to click and drag and crap. I was too nervous to read it so I just kept clicking next to get on with it. When the first question popped onto the screen I think I could actually hear my heartbeat and let me tell you it was beating HARD and fast! If I didn't take some slow breaths at that moment I may have had a heart attack.

I don't even remember the first question, but I do remember thinking that this was it and it was what I've come this far pressure!!! It took me about an hour and a half to get to the 75th question...all of which were a blur. I closed my eyes and clicked next and opened them and there was question 76. GULP! So I won't be stopping just's just hasn't determined how I'm doing. Keep focusing Christy you're still in the game...

The questions were not as hard as I expected them to be, but I can't say that I got ANY correct either. That's the nature of the NCLEX beast you see? It is built up to be this MONSTER, a scary, angry, judgemental one too. When I say not as difficult, what I mean may ask...who do you see first then give you 4 very hard answers to choose from. It's kind of straight forward, but the answers is where the beast lies. He hides in there and makes you second guess everything you think and I did second guess....everything. Sigh.

Around the 150th question I began to doubt my abilities. I knew the way the test is designed and I knew it hadn't made a definitve decision on whether or not I should pass or fail. If it keeps going, it means you are on that line and I felt the test teetering the whole time. For instance, I would get some really difficult priority questions and then I'd get a simple, no nonsense fact based question that let me know I wasn't doing too hot. That can make a person nervous and it did. The majority of my questions were priority, delegation and teaching. I had a handful of "basic" questions, about 8-9 drug questions (all of which I'm sure I got wrong b/c I suck at pharm) 2 calculation ones and about 5-6 select all that apply...hate those!

By question 180 I was beginning to get spent and upset, I opted out of all my "recommended" breaks because I was afraid I may run out of time, the clock doesn't stop for your breaks. My nerves were shot and I was hoping and praying that the damn thing would just shut off, tell me I'm a moron and send me home already with my dunce cap. It seemed the more questions I got, the more nervous I became and the worse I felt I was doing. SIGH!!!!!! I felt like the test was trying to pass me, but I just wasn't complying. It was laughing at me...let's give her more more MORE! The damn clock just kept ticking away and it didn't help that the girl in the cube next to me had to clear her throat 1000 times! I've never had the urge to smack someone as much as I did yesterday.

Question 200 had me thinking I would just fail. I lost all confidence and b/c I was worried I would run out of time I started reading the questions and answering more quickly. Looking back, I wish I hadn't done that. I was so anxious and brain fried that I was to the point of hyperventilating and feeling like a big failure. I get to question #221 and it was about something very close to me...think hard y'all cuz I can't's against the law and you all know I am a law abiding citizen. (wink) It was a priority question. Anyway..I thought...SURELY I can answer THIS I submit my answer and the damn thing shut off. Screen black, heart pounding, tears stinging the back of my eyes. I prayed so hard that it would shut off and when it did I felt like a bumbling fool. A part of me wanted it to go on so I could "prove" myself some more, but I also felt a sense of relief to just get the hell out of that rat cage. I raced through the survey at the end, don't even know if I told them I was a female or not. I fumbled in my locker and said something to the test lady that I don't recall and walked out the door.

Outside the door was a very long hallway that I don't even remember walking down a four hours before. It seemed to take me FOREVER to get to the end...dead man walking...that was me. I call my husband and can barely form the words...come get me. I had no words for what had just happened. It felt like a disaster and as soon as I got in the car I cried and didn't stop until I got home. I am almost certain I failed. I was too nervous and wasn't able to think clearly. All of my preparation, everyting I knew went out the window when I sat down at that computer...along with my common sense. I feel so ashamed that I let my fear take control of me and possibly ruined things for my family.

I don't yet know how I did and almost don't want to know. I know that "everyone" thinks they fail...that's the NCLEX way, as they say...but I really, honestly, truly think I did and I could just cry right now thinking of it. I screwed up...I got too anxious and my brain just shut down. I don't want to go through this again and am so jealous of those who pass the first time. I've already chalked it up that I failed and the wait to know for CERTAIN is one of the hardest's sheer torture. I've checked the pearson vue website all day and it only says "my results aren't available at this time". I know it usually takes 48 hours, but still...I just want to know so I can have my pity party then move on. Who knows, maybe God has other plans for me....atleast that is what I am telling myself.

Anyhow...I just wanted to share. I should know something by tomorrow if the quick results show up over the weekend...if not, it will be Monday. Ugh.....hope your NCLEX expereince is much better than mine. If I have any advice to give any of you it is to REMAIN CALM! Don't freak out like I did. Just don't...

March 1, 2008


I take the NCLEX this coming week....I'm so nervous that I've been tachy, had GI distress, heart palpitations and I need a xanax ASA freakin' P! Everyone that I've told'll be 'fine'. How in the hell do they know? If I don't know if I'll do well, then how does anyone else? I admit it...I'm scared out of my mind. I don't feel ready, can't think straight because of the anxiety and just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like my head is going to explode with all of the info I've been cramming in it. HELP!

Everyone has passed except one person and I feel so bad for them I could cry. I have this sinking feeling that I will be in their shoes....UGH!

(Don't read further if you are just starting nursing school!)
If I knew that nursing school was going to cause this much stress I might not have done it. Ever since ns I have become a changed woman....a majorly stressed out, OCD germaphobe freak. How do you learn 2 years worth of material at once and how does someone sit down for THE most important exam of their life and be cool, calm and collected? I don't have any of the answers (literally!).

I've been praying, but it isn't helping. I've tried deep breathing and the like...NADA. I'm just nervous as all get out. I know this sounds so silly, but just wait until it's your time to take this test....then you'll understand...yes you will. Sigh.

I'm trying to think positive, but it's hard when you feel unprepared. The thing do you prepare for this? For the next few days before the test I am doing nothing but questions....questions and questions until I puke knowledge.

So far I've covered med-surg, psych, maternity, delegation and I need to complete peds. So far I feel like I don't remember anything I read. Normal lab values....PFFT! Unless they are the most common....forgetaboutit! Anything I would have to memorize...stages of labor, Erickson's, growth and ain't happening. I haven't the patience. GUess we'll find out soon enough how well I do...

Just say a prayer....not that I pass, but that I'm calm enough on test day to even think about what the questions are asking, because right now...I can barely even type.

Ok...enough of my rant. Hope all is well ;-)