January 31, 2008

Rat Race

OOPS she did it again. Britney's in a psych ward. That girl needs help. Moving on...

I've been working a lot of night shifts and with that I've basically been sleeping my life away. So far everything is going ok. By the time 4am rolls around I start getting really tired and have a hard time concentrating. I don't know what I'm going to do when I start to give report because by 7 am I feel like a zombie.

I'm learning a lot, but not enough to be on my own yet, which will happen in just a few short weeks. How scary is that? Every pt is high acuity meaning they have tubes coming out of places I didn't know possible. I'm not sure this type of nursing is quite my thing. What I am excited about is that I will learn so much. I fear it may take me a good year before I feel like I'm really getting it, hopefully sonner, but we'll see.

All next week I will be taking the Hurst Nclex review course. I will let you know what I think about it. After it's complete and my 120 hours are finished I will sit for my boards. My stomach does flips just thinking about it. I'm so nervous about that stinking test! So far, 4 people in my class have taken it and passed (they took Kaplan), so atleast I know it's doable. No offense to one particular girl, but if she could pass, I know I can.

January 24, 2008

Sleep Deprivation = Bitchy Woman

Happy 5th Birthday Aidan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I've not blogged a lot lately. I's a workin' woman now. Working the night shift really takes a lot out of you. It messes with your mind a lot. I hope that I get use to it because so far it kinda sucks. I like the job, I'm starting to kinda feel all nursey and stuff. Granted, I don't do much but watch, which I don't get cause I should be doing stuff and learning. I only have a few weeks until I'm on my own...what a scary thought. There are so many questions I still have that are unanswered, but I think some things just come with time.

Today was/is Aidan's b-day and because I'm so sleep deprived I'm not in much of a party mood, but I put on my smile for my baby. He had a nice day. We had dinner, opened presents and he played with his new toys. He's growing up so fast and it's bittersweet. No matter how big he gets, he will always be my baby boy. :-)

I did trach care last night all on my own, that was kinda cool. Most of the pt's on my floor have some kind of apparatus sticking out of them from somewhere. All things which are a little overwhelming to me. I hope that is something that will get easier with time as well.

Hopefully my family can get use to me working nights as well because so far they aren't doing a good job of keeping quiet while I'm sleeping. Being woken up after a few hours of sleep can make someone be a complete grouch. RIght now I feel like I'm in a fog. I worked the last 2 nights in a row which is technically working where the day rolls over so that's confusing too when you go to chart. Ahhh...it's all kind of nutty right now. Hopefully I can think of a more clever post when my mind is back in synch with my body. Until then...

Oh yea....the other night...1st pt attacks the nurse I'm with. Just another night in paradise.

January 20, 2008

Don't Eat the Jelly Beans

I worked Friday night and I dreaded going in, but once I got there I was fine and it was kind of fun. One pt we had was an older man who had a double amputation from both his knees down (previously). He was admitted because he was trying to open a bag of jelly beans and he couldn't so he grabbed his LIGHTER and caught the bag on fire...and what was left of his legs. Bless his heart. All for some jelly beans. I hope they were the good kind.

Every pt on the floor requires a lot of attention, so when you have 5 you're basically running your ass off the majority of the night. There is so much for me to learn that it feels like I'll never learn it all, but hopefully one day I will feel more comfortable. My preceptor is only 1.5 yrs out of nursing school herself and she's doing a great job, so it's something to look forward to. I think this is a floor I will learn quickly on considering you have no choice but to just dive in and get things done. Whether I will stay on this floor after my first year, I'm unsure, but if I do leave I'd probably be really bored considering.

Onto other news...Aidan will be 5 this Thursday!!! I'm so excited, yet sad. No one wants to see their baby grow up, but I'm thankful he is and hopefully we'll get to celebrate another 75 birthdays with him.

Hope everyone is doing great....let me know how nursing school is going!

January 16, 2008

Just some pictures

Hey everyone. Not much to report. It's been a slow blog week. I've been under the weather and have had to miss a night of work already....that probably doesn't look good, but this always happens to me at the start of something new. For the last few school semesters I have missed most of the first week because of illnesses...that's just how it goes in my life. Oh Bla Di. I can't really complain, cause I've been enjoying not having anything to do....probably a little too much. Tomorrow I'm back to the grind...MORE orientation! WOOT!

In my spare time I have been learning to use Photoshop and here is what I have done with some of the photos I've taken. Let me know what ya think:

My husband calls this soft porn-ha!:

January 13, 2008

A Blast From the Past

Remember how cool Michael Jackson was before he turned white and his nose fell off? Aww, Michael, why are you so f*cked up? I blame his daddy.

We Are the World:

January 9, 2008

My First Night Shift

I did my first 12 hour shift lastnight. First of all, I love my new preceptor. She's really relaxed and fairly new herself (only 1.5 yrs out of school). We got on very well as we are both mild, mellow and roll with the punches. I did sense her getting overwhelmed with her pt's...most of them were pretty high acuity ones, but we managed to pull it off and everyone was well when the shift was over. What more can you ask for? I also got to start my night with my friend from nursing school, as shes working there too, so it was nice to see a friendly, familiar face. I can tell you right now that this floor will either make or break me. If you didn't know, I'm working on a general surgery floor with a lot of post-ops and medical pt's. The most challenging pt we had was an elderly man who had a fistula from his colon to his bladder. In other words, he had feces in his urine and urine in his feces. He had an open incision at the base of his pelvis that was packed with gauze, a colostomy on his left side, a JP drain on his right side and a nephrostoy tube on his back. Basically...his whole abdomen was opened and he had drains coming out of everywhere. Yes, I was very intimidated by that. While getting report I realized that I stopped paying attention midway through...it was just too much to take in. Thankfully, my preceptor was taking report. It concerns me that one day I'll be doing this alone...

I like the feel of the unit and the nurses all seem pretty friendly. However, everyone is so busy there is no time for hello my name is... Most of them are use to new faces, so mine was just another for them to smile at as they sped by. I spent most of the night following my preceptor around and giving meds. Soon I'll have my own pt's and will work a full day doing everything on my own. I pulled out a NG tube, that was fun. It's nothing really. This floor is nothing like the cake one I precepted on...it's (as Victoria Beckham would say...) mayjah! Don't get me wrong...I loved the floor I precepted on, but compared to med-surg, it's like night and day. There are no real "easy" pt's and it just makes me that much more excited. If I can handle this load, then I can handle any load. I'm excited for all that I will learn and do and hopefully I can manage it with grace and not become too hard. I know this floor will give me the experience I need as a new nurse so when I am certain of what I want to do, I will be able to do it as I will have so much experience under my belt. Who knows, I may love it so much I will want to stay forever....never say never.

I felt inhuman when the shift was over. At 4am I started getting really tired and I wasn't thinking as clear. Hopefully I will get use to this and won't start to drag so early. I went to sleep at 8am and slept until 4:30. I'm still tired. Basically, the day after your shift is spent sleeping, so you really don't have a day off. I think this will mess with me, as it already is. I don't like to lose time, especially not whole days. Hopefully I can pull off the 3 days in a row...I'm certainly gonna try.

Tomorrow's plans: More orientation and I can't wait! (rolling eyes).

January 7, 2008

Busy, Busy...

Tomorrow morning I have to go for my CPR recert and tomorrow evening I begin my very first shift on the floor. Yikes! I didn't find out about the cpr until today, so I need to refresh myself. I hate skilling in front of someone! It's so nervewracking. I also didn't find out about my schedule until today, so we have to do some major shifting around to accomodate my schedule...my husband isn't too happy. He'll get over it. Ha! I found out who my preceptor is, but I don't know her. My boss said she tried to pair me with someone who has the same personality as me...quiet and laid back. I didn't know I was quiet...but I am when around new people. Boy are they in for a surprise....he he he.

I'm not quite ready to start work. I flip flop a lot. One minute I'm ready to get started, the next I'm dreading it. I guess I know now that once I start work, that's it, there's no turning back. I hope I like my preceptor..I'll let you know tomorrow how the first night goes. I hope I can stay awake...

OH...I forgot to mention that I FINALLY finshed reading Gone With The Wind. It is cited by the New York Times as the "greatest american novel". It very well may be as it's the most "american" book I've ever read with the yankee's rebel yell and confederates marching in defeat and all. It took me near forever to get through the book as I only read one chapter at a time. I normally fly through books, but sometimes I had to sit with this one and let it marinate a while before moving on. The civil war era isn't my favorite time in history, but it was interesting reading about the time which is told mainly through Scarlett O'Hara's point of view. To address the slavery issue in the book, it made me uncomfortable, but for the most part the slaves in the story were almost treated like family, so it wasn't as harsh a read. Scarlet O'Hara is probably the most selfish heroine ever written on paper and so many times I wanted to smack her spoiled little self silly. Like Rhett told her...she was throwing happiness away with both hands and didn't even realize she was doing it...and she did and she lost, just when she realized what it is she really wanted from her life.

Scarlett lived her life on the surface of things....gowns, parties, beaux, flirting, barbeques, gaining attention and money then the yankees knocked on the south's front door and everything she thought meant anything was never more. The story is about how people deal with struggle, fear and tragedy. Some rise above and are strong enough to keep going, others falter and fade into oblivion. Only the strong shall survive, as they say, and Scarlett was a rock of strength and what drove her was poverty and hunger...oh and Ashley Wilkes, her sister in law's beloved husband. She finally got everything she wanted...money (thanks to Rhett), but she never understood the value of people instead of things... until it was too late. At the end of the book (and I hope I'm not spoiing anything because surely you all have atleast watched the movie before-gah!)when Rhett decides to leave her, he is so indifferent to her, he just "doesn't give a damn" anymore and that was one of the most heartbreaking parts for me because he is so full of life and loves Scarlett so much but she's too selfish and blind to realize it, then he's just over it, over her. I hated seeing his spirit broken more than I hated seeing Scarlet lose everything...she deserved it. It was also so hard when Bonnie (their daughter) died, I believe that Rhett died right along with her...so sad.

I enjoyed reading about the characters of the book as they were all so three dimensional, but the war part kind of bored me...I know, awful right? It felt redundant...the yankees are coming! the yankees are coming!...over and over. I guess she had to depict the story in a factual manner...so it took forever for the yankees to get there..dang. The backdrop of the book was beautiful, with Tara and it's red clay soil and sweeping willows, the booming and growing Atlanta, the gowns, parties, mint julips, southern gossip with the old crows...I guess I'm like Scarlet in a way....bored with war talk. I think that's the only way I related to her. Overall, I liked it and it's stuck in my mind a lot, that's always a good thing. Read it, but only if you have time...it's much too long.

January 6, 2008


My whole house is upside down. I'm painting. I hate painting. I live in an old house, it was built in the 30's and the entire interior is white. It's basically an asylum. We moved in one week before I started nursing school...it's obvious we've been busy as nothing has changed. It's time for change. I'm doing some recontruction, now that I have some extra time.

I have MORE orientation tomorrow. This orientation business is a little too much. We have to orient on how to lift, how not to restrain and how to keep a smile while waiting on angry people in pain and who are vulnerable. Sounds like heaven doesn't it? Wait...I do that at home..Ha, it should be a cinch.

Aidan is doing ok. He started a new chemo...it's a mean, nasty drug. He's so strong and brave. I watch him out of the corner of my eye every second and he notices. I get on his nerves. So, I'm learning to become a better pretender. I'd be a great spy. I pretend to be doing other things while inadvertantly assessing him. He worries me. Today he had a poopy and said it hurt his brain. So, I'm concerned about blood clots...it's a side effect. I told him not to strain, he doesn't understand. The steroid constiaptes him, so he can't help but strain...anyway...I'm talking about my child's poopy....I've hit a low point. He will be ok....one day at a time.

I don't know when I will start my job, I have to finish orientation first...who knows when it will end. More learning, more cramming....my brain hurts too. I bought the Kaplan NCLEX-RN study guide and will start that after the painting is finished. Ugh..I'm so scared of that test. It's always there, looming over my head like a big dark cloud. I did some practice questions out of the book and knew none of the answers...scary! I feel like I've forgotten everything already, let's hope not!

General Mood: Blah

January 2, 2008

First Day on the Job..not quite what I expected

So, I've been up late working on this blog. How ya like it? I may change it again...it's cute, but I have OCD and I will fiddle with it until I'm sick of it, then I won't mess with it for another year. Oh & guess what else? HTML is the devil.

I'm trying to get in the habit of the late nights since I'll be starting that schedule very soon. Oy! I figured...new year, new blog. I'm going to do major construction on a lot of things in my life this year. I'm not making resolutions, I'm just changing things. Resolutions are made to be broken and I don't make any promises I can't keep.

I showed my 13 year old my blog and his eyes got really big around. It's just a pin-up girl, it's nothing scandalous! 13 year olds & their hormones...good heavens. I hope everyone had a good new year celebration. I must say, mine was rather boring and uneventful. Maybe that's a precursor for what's to come in the new year, which is fine with me because I'll take boring and unevenful over crazy and dramarific any old day. I'm definately getting older. I'd much rather stay in than go out these days, unless it's for food or to spend money. Food and shopping are my favorite reasons to leave the house. What can I say, I'm boring & predictable.

I had to change my blog title...as I'm no longer a student. (WEIRD!) I kind of miss school, or the perks of it anyway. At school you paid them and not the other way around. Now I have to show up on time, be prepared and do my very best all the time....damn! Not that I was ever late (twice), but knowing that if you are late you will pay a price is much worse than knowing you can be late with no real ramifications. As i've said before...being responsible is sucky. I had my first day on the job on Monday where all I did was watch the unit clerk do her job. Literally...I watched and did nothing except get in her way at every possible moment. It was the easiest money I've ever made. Because I hadn't recieved my provisional license at the time of scheduling, I had to start as a unit clerk, no biggie... I have my provisional now, so I'm an RNA (registered nurse applicant). I actually have a big fancy title, but I'll be glad when that big ole A falls off the end!

So, about my first day. First of all, let me say that I found myself to be a little jealous of the unit clerk. She doesn't have her arms elbow deep in feces, she wasn't dealing with the cranky doctors, and I didn't see her running around like a chicken with her head cut off like the NURSES were. Nope, she just sat at her desk, made copies, answered phones, call bells & charted new orders....cushy. She did make sure to tell me that she would NEVER want to be a nurse because (and I quote) "their job sucks ass". Ahhh..the words every new grad wants to hear. It was like music to my pointy, green, virginess ears. BUT I did hear that it is a great floor to work on and that the night shift has the best group of people. That's kinda hopeful, right? Everone welcomed me and most of them were very friendly. I am excited and I don't care what anyone says...I think it's all about ATTITUDE and some people just have crappy ones which brings me to the question I've been dying to ask...why are some people assholes? Can't they just smile...it takes little effort and believe me when I say that your face looks helluh ugly with it all puckered and sour like that. Anyway....I will be a good nurse no matter WHO or WHAT is against me. Not that anyone is...yet...but there is always one person who likes to start trouble and from what I've heard (goodness...already??!!) there are a few that like to intimidate new grads. Don't be put off by my friendly demeanor. Beneath my sweet smile lurks a woman who isn't in the mood for your stinkin' crap! Wow...I let it all hang out there huh? Oops!

Besides all of that (he he) I am excited about starting my new job. I will find out tomorrow a little more about my schedule and I can't wait to write all about how it's going.

Till next time...
Peace & Much Love,

January 1, 2008

Reconfiguration in Progress

Please be patient as I update my blog. For purposes of boredom this blog's appearance may change at any given time. Do not fear, it will be finished soon. Thank you and have a good day.