Midnight Sun............

This whole Twilight thing has got me discombobulated. First of all...I read New Moon and am now in the middle of Eclipse. I admit...it's boring me. Twilight seems to be the book where it should end....why drag it out? THEN I discovered on SM website that she had written part of a new book called Midnight Sun that explains Twilight in Edward Cullens perspective, but it was leaked online before it was finished. I hungrily read it devouring...she offered it up because what else could she do at this point? Only the first 12 chapters.....but so revealing. It was better than Twilight....I loved it....so detailed, so rich with emotion and explanation. Thanks you Lord that it wasn't a shallow adaptation of Twilight. I am so sad it ended at Ch 12!!!!!! BOOOOOOO! Will she ever finish this? I don't know, but I hope so....such a tease.

I watched The Duchess. I'm a huge sucker for any English film. (p.s. I love the BBC!) and it was so very good. I cried like a newborn baby at the last hour....ugh. If you get a chance....watch it. Keira Knightly is so natural in this role, her performance is incredible.

My love for BBC films is a little obsessive too. I recently found this movie and I am thoroughly obessed with it....it's so fantastic.

Check out the first episode of North and South here:



That's all. :)

Did I Just Say That Out Loud?!

I worked on Thanksgiving, it wasn't bad working 8 hours. I felt more rushed, but the time flew so quickly that I was literally at one point running down the hall with my supply cart as if there was a code just to get things done. You'd think that working 12 hours, or even 8 is enough time, but rarely it is not. I am often feeling rushed and can hear the clock ticking as if it's a time bomb ready to explode and show the world what a big failure I am. I got my last med passed at exactly 0700. Mission accomplished!

The other night I found myself to be "that" nurse. You know, the kind who inches towards to door while seeming interesting in the mindless chatter of the pt when in reality they are just thinking of all that she needs to do? Yes...I hate "that" nurse, but she was me.

Example:
Me: "Hello Mr. Patient Man. I've brought your protnix." Quickly pushing the protonix in the central line while simultaneously assessing the state of their breathing, scanning the catheter bag for adequate output, checking the 02 saturation....90%! Reach over turn up the volume to 3L. Finish pushing the med, quickly flush. Cover pt, move water close by, make sure call light is within reach. CHECK!

Mr Patient Man: "I asked if you could scratch my back please!"

Me: "Of course" Quickly scratching back as if I'm in a "who can scratch the fastest contest" while thinking of Pt in bed 6 who pulled out their IV and has D5NS running all over their freshly changed sheets. Can hear the "Mary Had a Little Lamb" going off down the hall and wondering if Mrs. Dementia is halfway to the parking lot by now.

Mr Patient Man: "...and I had this mole removed back in 43' and the doc said it was not cancerous, but I got cancer all right!"

Me: "Hmmm...Mmm Hmmm....Oh really?" Scratching even faster now....can pitcure Mrs. Dementia wandering aimlessly looking for her cat which she seemed overly obsessed about.
Can hear the call light going off...I bet that is Mr. Wet Sheets in bed 6 wondering where in the hell I am. Stop scratching and walk nonchalantly toward the door seeming calm and collected. Getting closer....closer....."Ok then, you're all set. I'll be back shortly." (not really, but sometimes you have to lie)...

Mr Patient Man: "Nurse!"

Me: cringe with one foot out the door. Peep my head in with a shaky smile. "Yes?"

Mr Patient Man: Holding the remote toward me. "Can you find Walker Texas Ranger for me?"

Me: For f*cks sake! "Of course." Smile.

So, yea....sometimes you are left with no alternative than to be THAT nurse. I hate it. I'd love to chat with my patients and their families all day long, but there is never any time to do so. It's a rat race, I'm tellin' ya.

I also had a VERY awkward experience the other night. It was the beginning of my shift and I walk in to greet my patient. I got report and know he is there with diverticulitis. I walk in and who do I see sitting in the chair next to the patient's bed other than my old clinical instructor.

Ba, Ba, Bummmmmm!

Suddenly I felt I was back in nursing school fumbling clumsily and feeling incompetent. I had to remind myself that Old Eagle Eyes is not my instructor anymore and that I am a good med-surg nurse who knows what she is doing! Well....most of the time. Oh she watched closely all right. Making sure I did a thorough head to toe assessment. She even asked if I'd help pull her, very mobile and non surgical, 60 year old husband up in the bed! I almost fell on the floor laughing at how ridiculous it was. He layed there like dead weight and even crossed his arms over his chest. I could tell it had been a very looooooooooooong time since she's been a floor nurse. I asked him to pull up his knees and help push himself up. It would be like myself laying there helpless and letting people completly move me....laughable. She looked almost appauled I'd ask for his help. Sorry honey, but the only people I risk my back over are people who cannot move themselves...not healthy men who haven't even had surgery who was just up walking the halls to get coffee!

Anyhow...she left soon after and I was relieved. The next morning I was very tired and telling my patients goodbye. I was moving quickly..as always...and when I got to Eagle Eye's husband (don't you love my names for these people? Ha!) I noticed she was back in the room...knitting a ugly sweater that I told her was very pretty and not entirely sure I appeared truthful. I made certain he had his breakfast and as I was leaving I accidentaly told him..."Ok, I'm leaving now...I love you!" Oh-Em-Gee! Did I just say that as if I were talking to my husband or kids and OUT LOUD? Yes I did. And he replied automatically with "Love you too!"
(Blush) I left flustered....embarassed, ready to get the hell out of there and fast!

I thought about it all the way home....berating myself and laughing at myself in the car like a crazy lady. If anyone is going to humiliate themselves it will be me. I am the one who will trip and fall in front of a bunch of people, the one who will laugh at inappropriate moments and the one who will spill my coffee all down the front of my white shirt....that girl is me.

I am not surprised that I made a fool of myself...let's put it that way, but why did it have to be him? HER husband! I was doing so good....proving myself to be a good nurse. "See Eagle Eyes...I can hang IV fluids....I can do an assessment...I can use critical thinking....I can even pull a 200 pound man up in the bed while not using my back! How you like them apples Old Eagle Eyes huh, huh?! Then I fall flat on my face and erase all traces of professionalism with 3 little words. Oy!

Moral of the story.....you can't do everything and please everyone. You can only do your best. When the day is done, it's done. Let it go and move on because tomorrow is another day and I'm sure I'll do something completely random and stupid then too.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I worked last night. It was awful. Haven't had such a bad night in a very long time. So many new orders....mostly at shift change....pt's not doing well...calling docs...not really much help....sigh. I go back tonight....I dread it. However...I am very blessed and from this point forward I am going to focus on the positive today. SO I will say that I am thankful that atleast I have a job I can complain about.

My child is still in remission from cancer. When I think of being thankful that is the first thing I think of. I could cry with the joy of it. It is the greatest blessing of my life. My other boys are also healthy and doing well. I have a nice husband who has always encouraged me and supported me 100%. I have good friends and good paying job. I have my health and the ability to walk, talk, hear, sing, laugh, cry, smile and frown. I have so much in my life, despite a lot of hardships it could always be worse. Someone always has it worse....

I hope you have a wonderful day. I am off to sleep for a while before I go back to work. Hopefully tonight will be better.

I am under construction.....

Just playing with my blog....be patient while I make it perty. :)

p.s....yea I worked last night.....feel like a zombie....have much to discuss about how physically and spiritually unhealthy I'm feeling lately, but for now I am just going to relish in the divine world of blankness and do something that requires little to no thought.

.....was that a run-on or what? ;)

Lazy People Suck

I decided it was time for a new blog although I have nothing to really blog about because I'm just feeling kinda blah today. Maybe I'm a little depressed, I'm not sure. I do have a lot going on in my life right now that is depression worthy, so maybe that is it. Aside from that...it's cold out, I'm tired, I'm being visited by that pesky Flo and I have to work tonight. Wah, wah wah.

I layed my head down this afternoon to take a nap. Did I ever get to? No because my kids were being loud and I had too many thoughts swimming in my head. Sigh. I just hate working nights....although the other night I did however get to work with a nurse that looked like this: So, yea....my night perked up a bit. On top of that he was one of the sweetest guys I'd ever met....very pleasent evening I must say. No I'm not a cheater, cheater pumpikin eater, but it's kinda hard not to notice THAT. I am human afterall. (Wink)

Despite the fact that he was gorgeous, straight, caring and nice had nothing at all to do with why I enjoyed working with him. It was because he was a man. We don't have any males that work on our floor except for our regular floaters and I enjoy working with them just as much even if they don't look like male models. They just bring a different atmosphere to the unit. Plus it always comes in handy when you need help lifting someone who weighs 300 lbs, but whatever. Sometimes working with women is tiring. They talk behind eachother's backs, bitch, moan, groan, complain, gossip, text message their boyfriends all night, start rumors....just UGH!

It's definatly a challenge at times. Some are worse than others. Some I could slap half way to China for some of their ridiculous and immature behavior. Why can't everyone be just like me? LOL I'm not a troublemaker, I try and mind my own business but am nice when approached, I like teamwork and I'm a hard worker. So many times people that I work with are not doing their jobs....usually when the superviser isn't there. Big shocker! But we are there to do a job....this is certainly not a job you can skimp on or put off till tomorrow....they are people and I get so frustrated when some of my co-workers are so lazy.

Nursing is a multifaceted career. We do it all and must do it well. You can't really make mistakes and it's scary. We are supposed to delegate tasks to others...that is part of our job. When I delegate a task to you, little lazy CNA, don't give me lip or the stank eye...yes I saw you do that! I am a fair person. If I am not busy I will not hunt you down to tell you to take Mrs. Thirsty a drink. I will do it myself. If I am busy I will kindly ask you to do it and don't care if you are in the middle of a conversation about how much of an asshole your boyfriend is. You do your job, I do my job. End of story. This isn't chitty chat hour, it's let's keep our patients alive hour. I have been a CNA....I know it's a hard job, but it is your job and if you don't like it then find a new one! I've lost all patience lately. I think some of them don't truly realize what we have riding on our shoulders.

Here is the thing about some of the assistants on my floor, and I say some because there is only a handful who really just suck. The rest are very good and I am so grateful.... otherwise I may have quit a while ago. They are our right hands and when they refuse or hide from you because they do not want to help then you are on your own. Here's the thing.....yes, I can do your job, but guess what....you cannot do mine! Did you hear that? You cannot do my job so just because I can do yours doesn't mean I have the time. I don't care to come and help you wipe a dirty butt and I don't care to take your vitals, but if I am busy I can't do it. I am only one person. I run my ass off just as much as you do missy! Half the damn time I am racing the clock just to get all of my work done in 12 hours, believe it or not. I am not getting paid to do two jobs, only one....so do yours, I'll do mine, we'll help eachother and get through it.

We work our asses off on my floor. This is not an overstatement. I don't mind it...actually I get some kind of rush from being super busy. I just don't like being super busy, drowning, listening to a million call lights, hearing the phone ring and seeing your ass sitting in a chair drinking your coke and eating cookies. ARG! What I want to do is tell you to get your off your big lazy arse and actually earn your money, but all I really do is smile and silently curse you as I'm doing it.

Ok...I feel better now :) I just had to rant a little, it's one of those days. Thanks for listening.

Oh Happy Day :)

What a day. We have a new President of the United States....Barack Obama. I am so proud of America today. Proud that we, as americans, have come so far to see beyond the color of one's skin and to look forward to our brighter future that lies ahead. america has spoken and they want CHANGE. They want the hope of a new world, new ideals and a new voice in Washington. We have been lied to and abused and led into a near recession and are standing up and speaking out and shouting to the rooftops that we won't let that happen again! We don't want our troops to die in vain. We have a new voice now, a voice I personally believe in that can get us out of the big black hole that we are in to slowly come out of it and see sunshine again one day. 14 million more voters turned out for this election than the last. Doesn't that speak loud and clear? We have been heard.

President Obama (I love saying that) has so much on his shoulders. Many will love to see him fail....most of those being who stood behind a man that tore our country apart. He will fail, as they all do, he will make mistakes, as they all do, but he will do all of those things with the best of intentions, as many have not. He has Americans, real Americans, in mind. He knows the power he now has, the great responsability that he will carry. The reason this election was so important was because we are in such dire straits and we elected this man to bring us out of it because we had the most faith in him. As Barack said in his speech....it may not happen in 4 years. It probably won't, because it has been years and years in the making. He has the biggest job of all....to see us through this and he will be picked apart for all his efforts by republicans. I have the greatest faith that he is the only man for this enormous job.

I was without words last night when he was announced our new President. I cried. I cried because we have waited for so long and because it was such a moment in history and I felt glad to be a part of it. Our first African American president....wow! Regardless of that...I don't think America voted for him because he is black, that's a ridiculous notion. American voted for him because of the man he is and his policies and optimism for our future. You would have to be blind not to see that in him. On the other side of this equation is equality. To know that someone who was once not allowed to vote because of the color of their skin believed in himself enough to rise above prejudices and to go all the way to the White House....well, that's just fabulous. There are no words for that.

To those of you who feel "ashamed" of America for voting the way they have and hope that God will forgive us someday (yes I have heard this).... To that, I also have no words. Judgement. God does not judge, but I see that you do. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, this is America after all, however that is just too low for words. If you want to be ashamed of anyone, be ashamed of the mess that was George W. Bush that you voted for!!!! Because he has corrupted the White House and you put him there, does that also mean that God is judging you? Please don't be hypocritical people. It is not christian to judge. A wise man once said...."I have a dream that a man will not be judged by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character." .....and so he was. :) There is certainly no shame in that.

As I said...America has spoken and we are no longer the minority in our own country. There will be people baring their teeth like rabid hungry dogs just waiting to say..."I told you so" and to take a bite our of our President, BUT he is now your president too, whether you like it or not. We can stand together or we can stand divided. SO please remember that this is a lot on one man and he has so much to do to clean up the biggest mess we've had in a century. I believe he can. I know he can...one step at a time. I am PROUD to be an American today and can't wait to see the change in our future and I know that God loves me regardless who I "vote" for, just as he will forgive those for judging us for it.

As you can tell I am very passionate about this, but that doesn't mean I am so passionate that I throw daggers. I believe that John McCain really is an American hero, as I've said in a previous post, but it wasn't his time. If he had ran before W. would he have won.....probably so. Do I believe he picked the wrong VP candidate? Yep. That was a political move entirely and America was smart enough to see through that. John McCain is a good man, a man to respect for all the sacrifices he has made for our country...he's a real and true American. Isn't it also "american" to come from Africa, have a white mother, a black father who worked 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet to and to go all the way to Harvard because you had a dream? That is also very "american". What can be more american than realizing the american dream? You can judge a man by his sacrifice and his character and I believe they both have all of that and then some. McCain's concession speach was so eloquent, sincere and gracious. I feel that he is a great man and I am glad he has the strength of character and enough love for our country to stand behind our new commander and chief.

All right....enough of that :) I am a very happy and proud American today. Government of the people, by the people, and for the people....that's what I'm saying. I am so proud and moved. No one can take away my joy for having the "audacity of hope".

God bless you and God bless America :)

I VOTED!

.....and I hope you did too :)

Bark at The Moon

So....this whole Twilight book thing had me thinking and what I was thinking was... why am I thinking so much about a book that I really didn't like??? This makes no sense. I'm a sensible person. I read crappy books all the time and never think of them again. Then I realized what was nagging at me so badly....I want to know what happened next! Bad or not, I did kind of care for these characters and didn't want to just slap some duck tape over their mouths and shut them up forever. So I guess what I am saying is that this book musn't been that bad at all. You don't normally get invested in shallow characters do you? I never have and I like Edward and I like Bella and I want to know what happens to them damnit! Yes, the writing may not be the BEST ever and some of the scenes do bring the LOL's at innapropriate and unintended times, but it's a good plot with a lot of suspense and I want to know more about these people.

Maybe I am a literary snob. I've read too many superb books by superb writers that when I came across something that wasn't so "superb" I turned up my snotty little nose at it and scoffed! Then I realized something else. Twilight is written in the first person by a teenage girl....that explains so much and makes me feel so much better. Sigh!

I couldn't take anymore so I went out and bought THIS! New Moon is the sequal to Twilight and I have been reading it non stop since I started when I realized...hey...I'm actually liking this. I tried to put my prejudices aside and when I did I became a teenage girl again....standing on the precipice of unrequited love of another species from another time and it's magnificent. Not only is the beginning a shocker (!!!!!), but the fact that one of the biggest characters of the book is practically non existent throughout is a new twist that I didn't expect. Enter the werewolf.

Yes, New moon is predominantly about werewolves and their relation to vampires and in the midst of it all is this one very human, very vulnerable and sometimes REALLY FREAKING STUPID teenage girl. Some of the plot gets entirely too redundant....like the author REALLY WANTS US TO KNOW how she is feeling. We get it....she has a huge hole in her heart. She is hurting......we UNDERSTAND and thanks for the subtelty. No need to spread it out for 200 or more pages. It's crap like that that annoys me about this writer.....HOWEVER (wow I'm using lots of caps in this post), the story holds your attention, as much as you try to ignore some of the writing and foolishness. Despite some of the conflicts I have with the book, I really do enjoy these characters, well, save the main one, Bella, who really annoys me with her lack of common sense to STAY AWAY FROM DANGER GIRL! I love Edward, I love, love, love Jacob (maybe even more right now..shhhhhh). I like Charlie, Bella's dad, all of the Cullens and even some of the "normal" teenagers at her school. They all have distinct personalities and are growing on me.

Anyway...my point....I am trying...I'm giving it a chance and will give you a full review once finished, but if any Zombies or Trolls show up I'm done. Ya hear me?

p.s. visit Mrs. Meyers website...she even made playlists for each chapter that she wrote that explained the "mood" of what the character was thinking and feeling....very intersting....... I like that idea, as I often use music to set the tone for me as I'm writing as well.

Groovy. http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilightseries.html

My Vacation in Neuro Heaven

I got pulled to another floor for the first time last night. You'd think in almost a year I would have been pulled by now, but because our cencus is rarely low and because our staffing usually sucks (usually low), I hadn't had the opportunity.

First of all, no one really every wants to get pulled. For me it occured in the middle of my shift...11pm. By that time I had already done my assessments and charted on my patients and to turn around and get pulled to another floor and do all the assessments and charting again on a whole other team is crappy. BUT....it was surprisingly nice. I was pulled to a neuro unit. There were no drains, no tubes, no surgical incisions...wow. It was like being in Oz. I didn't hear anyone screaming, no Mary alarms....I couldn't believe the quietness that was neuro! I had a pt with a migraine, one with a hematoma on her eyebrow from a fall, another with a stitch to his head and one who'd had a lumbar fusion who was up walking the halls all night like it was no big deal. I passed 3 meds and did 2 chemstrips in 8 hours. Ahhhhhhh.....it was like a little vacation from the jungle that is med-surg.

I'd always heard that a pull from our floor is likened to a vacation. But I never really believed it. You get in your comfort zone on your floor. You have a routine and know where everything is, but what I realized is that it's not much different at all. Maybe they shouldn't let our nurses get pulled, because it may let them see that your night doesn't have to always inevitably suck and the patients aren't all near death. Oh...AND they also had ginger ale! How fancy! They have 2 nourishment rooms, and a lot of computers to chart at, all the paperwork was organized and in a particular place. It was close to heaven and oh so yummy!

Let's face it....no one wants to get pulled to our floor. It kinda just sucks. There is no time to sit around and catch up on the latest celebrity gossip. No time to have your ginger ale with a slice of lime....and you are guaranteed to WORK. Nothing wrong with honest work, but to work your fingers to the bone is another matter entirely.

Anyhow....although it seemed like I had worked two 12 hours shifts, it was ok. My first pull wasn't so bad. Can't wait till I'm pulled again. Maybe next time it will be to another enchanting place. I will keep you posted.