Our New Normal

6 more weeks (excluding Fall Break) and I will be finished with lecture FOREVER! Can you believe it? I can't. Time is really flying by this semester, and I'm damn glad too! Monday we have our second exam (I may have said this in a previous post), but it's finishing up OB and then we're onto Peds. I'm imagining peds will be more difficult than OB was. I didn't think the OB concepts were hard (AT ALL), but we flew through the material and I hate that (even though I'm glad it's almost over).

When I say I'm done forever, that is what I would love to happen. I always said I'd go back for my BSN, but with things the way they are now I don't see it happening, anytime in the near future anyway. I've already been in school full-time with my ADN for 3.5 years. Doesn't that constitute one semester shy of a BSN? Just kiddin'. He he. I'm just proud to get this ADN finished and afterward focus on the NCLEX. (Insert scary anticipation music here). Let me just say this.....The NCLEX scares the shit out of me. I have read of so many people failing and it would really suck if that happened. I just wouldn't want to go through that again...NO way, NO thanks! I do have to give myself credit though, when I first started nursing school I was a horrible "critical thinking" test taker. I have really improved. I'm good at narrowing things down and closing my eyes and picking between the last two answers. HA! We've been told that the NCLEX questions are easier than the ones they give us in nursing school. If they're trying to "prepare" us, then why not make the questions as close to the real ones as possible? GEEZ!

Some instructors like to show off just how smart they are. We had one last semester and all her questions were way over our heads and really advanced. By the time I picked my answer I'd have a headache and afterward she'd say that it was way harder than and NCLEX question... Why? Why torture us in this way? Grrr.

I feel like this is my life...school...and that I will forever be in this grind. I can't imagine my life where I don't have to go to class, or study, or stress, or get no sleep. As close as the end is, it still doesn't seem possible in some way. Like it's never going to happen..graduation. I think I'm still in denial.

Aidan is doing well, but complaining of leg pain. This is a side effect of the chemo. I hate that word...chemo. Did you know that every drug is chemotherapy? It means to treat therapeutically with chemicals. Interesting. SO why can't they call "chemo" by what it is...medicine. The word has this awful stigma and I still have troubles saying it aloud. I sometimes wonder if my husband is in a deep denial. I hate to say that, but he seems really detached and ....hmmm. I guess everyone handles things differently. Since this is my venting place can I just say that his behavior troubles me? I just can't get HAPPY right now. This isn't a happy time. As much as I am thining positive, I still don't have the energy to be so complacent. Hell, I'm a worry wart at heart and not everyone is, but a little is a good thing. Right? Maybe he just doesn't want to talk about it, in an emotional way, like a woman would, does. I'm just trying to figure things out. Figure out everything. Not much makes sense anymore. Like I said before...this is a new normal.