Randy Pausch is a man dying with pancreatic cancer with only a few months left to live. He gave his last lecture to the college he is a professor at and did it with such integrity. Here is his lecture, as he gave it, on the Oprah show. Randy is an inspiration.
Today's test was brutal. I studied so hard and only made an 80. I'm glad I passed, but I thought the test was crap. My week has left me utterly exausted. I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm not eating right and I miss spending time with my kids. I was so busy yesterday I didn't even have time to talk to my husband....AND HE WAS HERE! I will be SoOOOOooooOOoOoOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO glad once nursing school is over! I can't believe the final is Wednesday, I mean, I believe it because I'm tired as hell, but I can't believe it's the end of the end. If they're anything like these last two tests I'm in trouble. I never knew I'd be hanging on by a thread in the last semester, it's almost as tough as the last one.
Everyone is so tense, tired, and over cooked. I had a massive headache today from thinking so much...don't think it's possible? It is! Tomorrow I have to start studying for the final exam....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I don't wanna. One last go around...that's it. Then it's the NCLEX...and I thought Peds was bad. Lord help me.
Mondays suck ass. I know....potty mouth, right? I hate 8 hour lectures. Do they honestly think we learn anything? Do they not realize that our brains can only retain so much info in so much time? Damnit. We have a test Friday and they just won't stop piling on the crap.
I need a drink.
There is sooooooo much we have to do in such a short period of time that I have to make to-do lists. The things is, I make so many, I lose them and have to make more lists. Another irony, I never resort to the list, so my making them is only to make me feel organized and as if I'm actually doing something about all of the things I need to do. It's getting riduculous.
I need a vacation.
Tomorrow I will spend my "day off" at the library studying for my test, because that is what the list said to do. Tonight, I will do laundry, write a paper and eat...because my list said so. My list is bossy as hell.
I need a maid.
Thursday, my son will get his chemotherapy while I am at clinical taking care of other people's children. I just love how school takes me away from the more important things in life.
I need to graduate.
Today, Aidan sang me a song about how much he loves his mommy. :-) Tonight, I will thank God for all the blessings he has given me and I will be thankful.
I need to stop bitching.
We had an F2 tornado pass through our neighborhood Thursday evening. It was pretty scary...our doors kept opening and slamming, the wind was howling like some wounded animal, and it's true what they say...it does sound like a train. Shiver. I don't want to go through that ever again. Thank God we came away unscathed. We had a tree down in our back yard and part of our fence was blown over, but we're all ok. Some of the neighbors had much worse damage to their homes, so no complaining here. Because of the storm we lost our power for a couple of days and it came back on last night, thankfully. You never know just how bored you can be until your power goes out. You can only stare at eachother for so long before you go mad. I decided to go to the bookstore to kill some time and picked up one huge ass novel to read. It's second in sales only to the Bible and I thought...why not. You may have heard of it..Gone With the Wind? Yea, that one. Why do I want to read this book, you ask. Because it was cited as the greatest American novel ever written...how can I pass by it and not pick it up? I should probably wait until after the final exam to start reading. Don't you think?
We had our graduation lunch yesterday. I was surprised that it was as nice as it was. It had an arabian them (random), but it was kinda beautiful actually. As I sat there I looked around at all of my classmates and got a little sad that this is one of the last times I'll be seeing them. Then I thought...I'm glad this is one of the last times I'll be seeing them because I'm tired of their faces. LOL Like I said before, it's bitter sweet. I get along with almost everyone in my class, others...always wanting to start trouble. Even at our luncheon...yapping about how they don't like one or the other. Get over it! It gets old. Can't we all just get along? So, for that, I will be glad to be gone and move onto other ventures. Some of them, I will miss so much. We have been through a lot together. It's sort of like breaking up with someone. You don't want to do it, but you know it's time to move on.
I went ahead applied for a registered nurse applicant job the other day. (I'm finally an "applicant"). The reason I already applied is because I won't start my 120 hour NCLEX required hours until after I have a hospital orientation, which they only do a couple of times a month. In other words...It may be after New Years before I'll have orientation. I'm nervous about it, it's getting way too real now. It didn't have an option for what area I want to work in, so I guess I'll get my options handed to me during the interview. Providing I get one, that is. I'm scared I'll pick a unit that I end up hating. That's my greatest concern, because as of right now, I still don't know what I want to do. Scary. I'll keep ya updated on the job hunt.
I have 6 more days of class until I don't have class ever again! What a nice thought that is. Next Friday is our 4th test and I really need to start studying this weekend. I'm really tired of studying and what I'd like to do more is to start reading that book, but alas, I have to be responsible. Ugh.
Here are some photos from our lunch:
Do you ever catch yourself diagnosing people and they don't even know you're doing it? Scenario as of yesterday:
Miranda and I driving in the car:
Miranda: Look how big that guy's adams apple is! (Pointing with mouth slightly agape)
Me: Bejeezus! Maybe he has a thyroid problem (Staring at the humongous growth)
Miranda: I bet it's a goiter (she says with certainty)
Me: Yep, it's a goiter alright (I reply with certainty)
Miranda: Maybe we should scream out the window and tell him
Me: (Laughs hysterically at the thought)
Miranda: (Laughs hysterically too)
Me: I hope he gets that thing fixed. Ick.
Goiter guy thinks we're checking him out, winks at us and drives away. Maybe we made his day.
This occurs all of the time. What else also occurs is people calling me and asking me what is wrong with them and expecting me to know what to do.
Scenario:
Friend: I have this achy pain that shoots through my thighs sometimes. What is it?
Me: Well...it could be any number of things. Have you done anything to strain it lately?
Friend: No
Me: How often does it happen?
Friend: Only after I run up the stairs several times a day
Me: (blank stare)
Friend: Well...do you know what's causing it and what do I do?
Me: Um... get a house without stairs
I was on call in labor and delivery last week and we had a pt who was demanding to have an induction THAT day. She was only 36 weeks (not full-term)and not in labor. She said was in so much pain she couldn't take it any more. She was crying and seemed really depressed so I decided to go in and talk to her.
Me: Hi, I noticed you were upset. What is bothering you today? (Note how I'm using the "therapeutic techniques") Ha!
Pt: (sobbing) I'm hurting and I can't take it anymore
Me: Where exactly are you hurting?
Pt: (pointing to her fully round belly) Right here.
Me: What kind of pain is it? Is it stabbing, aching, shooting or cramping pain?
Pt: No, I just feel REALLY full all of the time. I can never get comfortable and I am constantly going to the bathroom to pee.
Me: Um, Uh...
Pt: (sobs more, complete with hiccups. Boyfriend is mopping her brow with a cloth)
Boyfriend: Isn't there something you can do? She said she can't get over feeling full all of the time
Me: Um..She's pregnant
Pt: I just want to have this baby today! (Sob, sniff, sob, sob)
Me: You are only 36 weeks and you are not in labor yet. You do know that at 36 weeks, your baby isn't fully developed and isn't ready to come out?
Pt: I had my last baby early. He was only 4 lbs and he's fine! (yell, sob, sniffle, gives pleading look at boyfriend to do something) Boyfriend shrugs and continues mopping her brow.
Me: (blank stare) Can I get you some ice chips?
Some people.....
Yesterday I had to return to the dungeon. I was there 8 hours. I hate Mondays. We have our next exam next Friday (26th), I hope I pass this time. I just discovered that although our final is on Halloween, we still have our last clinical the day after. So much for throwing a party. I'm so ready to start my precepting hours so I can get my hands on some real patients. In L&D and post partum we haven't gotten to do a lot. It's been kinda boring...nothing like I thought it would be. So, more than likly L&D isn't the field I want to venture in. Do you see how much I change my mind? During my on-call hours I did get to see a delivery (not the one mentioned above. They sent her whiney butt home). I cried when the baby was born, probably more than the mother. I'm a big ole baby, I can't help it. It was emotional, and beautiful and messy as hell. Giving birth is a bloody business. More bloody than the leg removal I witnessed. Oh, and the placenta...it looks like a liver. It's very vascular and I couldn't stop staring at it. It was almost as big as the baby. Groovy. The baby was 9lbs and 10 oz. Talk about a big ass head. When the head popped out, it looked like an adult sticking out of her vagina. I cringed inside at the pain she must feel. The girl didn't even flinch. Damn, who said women didn't have balls?
Sigh. I'll probably just start in Med-Surg (the melting pot) and choose a specialty from there. Also, I decided to wait until after Christmas to get a job. For one, I don't want to work this Chrismas, and two, I want plenty of time to study for the NCLEX, which I think I'm taking in January. I still have no clue as to what review course to take, there are just so many. Kaplan, Hurst, Saunders, Lipincott. So many choices, not to mention they're about $250-$350 bucks per course. Most people say that nothing can prepare you for the test, so if that's true maybe I'll just rest on my haunches and do nothing. Does that sound like a good plan, choosing to not have a plan? But, is not having a plan in essecnce still having a plan? Maybe I'll choose not to plan to not have a plan ,but then is that still a plan? GOSH DAMNIT it anyway! I hate plans. And by the way, who ever came up with the word - plan? Plan is a dumb word. It's about as dumb as corn or pork. (inside joke -wink-)
9 more days, la la la. 9 more days, la di la la. I technically have only 9 days of school and clinical left. I can't believe this is finally happening. It doesn't seem real. I'm ready. I was ready 3.5 years ago, but I'm realllllly ready now. We've done all of our skills, we have none left. That is a great feeling. I still have 2 tests to take, 3 papers to write, Wellness day to plan and 3 more clinical days...all in 9 days. Wow, we.......are.......so.......screwed. Ah well, I can do this. I will get through this and when I'm finished I will look back and feel tired, because that was hard freakin' work. I will graduate with honors. Can you believe it? I recieved a letter from Phi Theta Kappa (National Honor Society) and was invitied to wear the tassles. I am honored and will wear them with pride because I have worked my little booty off, and aside from the tassles, I also deserve a gold dipped, diamond encrusted, sparkly ass cap and gown too, as we all do. In honor of our graduation, the 3rd year class is to throw us a graduation lunch this coming Friday. We planned this the year before for the graduates and it was a nice way to say farewell. It feels good to be on the recieving end of it all for once.
I had better start writing those papers now since I have the day off. Don't want to procrastinate to the very end. I do have some semblance of pride in my work ya know. Now, If you believed that then you'll also believe that I have an ocean front property in Arizona.
Please ready Aidan's site for a new update. Have a great Tuesday!
This song is magic. It kills so much it has 2 parts: Jimi Thing~DMB featuring Warren Haynes. Check, check, check it out:
I have officially done it, I've failed my first nursing test EVER. It's all my fault, I barely studied. Funny thing is, I don't care much. I got a 76 and I needed atleast a 78. Maybe they'll throw a couple out...not likely...but you never know. I still have an 89 avereage in the class, so I'm not worred and it's actually liberating not to cry about it. I'm ok.
Hey look at little miss nursey pants:_JPG.jpg)
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I know these are kinda small, but it's as big as I could get them. I have to choose between the two and I think I like the second one best. They didn't turn out as horrible as I thought they would, I'm just glad I didn't have my eyes closed in all of them. Ha!
I'm on fall break! Yay! I've never needed a break more. Everyone is getting on everyone elses nerves. Ugh. You can feel the tension as you walk into class...it's awful. I'll be glad when the final is over and I can start precepting. I think we all need a long break from eachother. Friends are bickering with friends...it's so high school and stupid and guess what? I'm over it!
I am so ready to graduate and be finished with nursing school. I have a terrible case of senioritis. I find myself waiting until the last minute to do anything, so I'm going to take this break as a time to catch up. I've set aside one day to get everything caught up and then I'm going to enjoy the rest of my break doing nothing! I still have to get my 10 hours of labor and delivery on call hours complete and I have to do 10 hours of precepting orientation too. I don't know when I'll get that done. Sigh. Anyhow..
Aidan is doing really well. Not much new to report other than we couldn't be more happy that he's doing so good. I just want him better and then and only then can I breathe and relax.
This is horrible. How can Ok! Weekly magazine get away with exploiting these children this way? They are innocent victims in all of this....what a travesty. I only posted here because no one reads my blog, lol, like some others who have millions of hits a day. A-Hem! Perez Hilton. I know I will NOT be buying this mag...some people take things way too far. I know Britney Spears is a major mess up, she just doesn't quit and I'm sure we will see new photos of her tomorrow out and about at some club, however, this girl needs some serious help, especially right now. No matter how "bad" of a mother someone is, it must really hurt her to have lost her little boys. I truly think she has a mental disoorder that led her down the road to drugs and alcohol. A sane person doesn't shave all of their hair off..HELLO! It's so sad she has alientated her family, because I think she needs them the most right now. I feel so sorry for her, she isn't a bad person, she just needs some major help! I think the best thing the judge could have done was ordered her to go to a treatment facility until the counselers thought she has recovered. Now, after losing her boys, she's really going to be out of control. Sigh.
What has happened to Miss Britney? We are all so obsessed with this story because we are so shocked by it. She was a mouseketeer for goodness sakes. She was the girl everyone loved and she has lost all that she had..for what? My theory...she doesn't know who in the hell she is. She grew up having people worship her, having everyone at her beck and call, having the money to do whatever she wanted and it's caught up with her. Fame, money, Hollywood is a cest pool of lies, deciet, and monetary gain. She needs a life coach...maybe she should call Scott Baio for some advice. Seems like he has "growing up Hollywood" issuse of his own. By the way, is he still single?
I'm just so saddened for her. I hope/want her to get some help. We're all watching while she falls apart before our eyes. It's shameful. SOMEONE, DO SOMETHING, before she ends up like Anna Nicole.
Ok, so I headed on over to the ABC Bachelor Website and was doing some reading. I haven't watched this season, but was curious. Anyhow... I go to the message board and read some posts that Andy and Tessa are split up. So I post a kind message with Aidan's you tube link and tell them that only a few weeks ago they visited him...together. Low and behold I realize early on that these people are hard core when it comes to Andy and Tessa. I'm talking...seriously, seriously hard core. I was sent a message stating that they have photos of Aidan on another site and to come and check it out. What? Photos of my kid? So I venture over there and see photos that came from this blog, MY BLOG...(See post entitled "Update" that was written in August). SO, yea, I felt a little icky about that. They also had made screen caps from Aidan's video. Ewww. Weird. For them I'm sure it's no big deal, but for me this is weird. Anyway, I mentioned that it would have been nice for someone to let me know they are posting these on another site because I'd like to know...HELLO. They then proceed to tell me that they didn't get the photos from here. A-Hem...my husband took the damn pictures!!! This is the only place those photos were posted! (Not speaking of the you tube vid- but the other pics)Anyway...yea I'm preturbed at people. Please..NO STEALING. Don't use my child as a "We love Andy" parade. Those pics aren't about "him". Geez people, have some freakin' respect. From now on, JUST ASK. I don't know many other people who would want pics of their child on some random sites. This site isn't really "public" considering it isn't easliy findable...for many reasons. I'm not trying to be mean, but this is my son and I would like to have been told. That is all I'm sayin'.
I guess this is what happens when you post things online... be forewarned.
p.s. I know that none of the vid, or photos posted was meant with ill intentions, so please know I am not angry about that. From a mom standpoint, it's just awkward.
