My son got sick on Friday with a fever and our stupid ER didn't know how to treat him. I told them they had to call the oncologist at our other hospital before they did anything but the damn egomaniacal DR thought I was giving him orders and did his own thing to spite me. Prick! He waited for 5 hours to call the oncologist and to give Aidan his IV antibiotic. What he doesn't know, because he wouldn't listen to me, is that Aidan has to have an IV antibiotic within 90 minutes if he has a temperature of 100.5 greater because it could have been deadly. So, what happened was that Aidan had to be taken by ambulance to his hospital 2 hours away all because he thought he knew what he was doing, but he essentialy made matters worse. Unbelievable. Do they not think that I know what I am talking about since I go through this every week? I may give the director of the hospital a call. They need to know how to treat oncology pt's because they may cost someone their life. I'm just disgusted. Anyhow...he's fine and is home now. He had an infection of some sort and luckily his hospital knows exactly what to do in those situations. The oncologist asked why I didn't have them call her and I explained that I tried and she said she worried all night as to what happened to Aidan. GRRRRRRRRRR! I hate cocky dr's and if I ever run across him again I will let him know that what he did was stupid and wrong.
Tuesday Aidan gets another spinal tap/lumbar puncture. Let me tell you....my child has been through so much. :-( He is so traumatized by everything, literally. If you try to remove a bandaid he screams bloody murder and gets so worked up he doesn't hear or see anything but fear. I don't know what to do. You can imagine what it's like to access his port. :-/ It makes me want to cry because he is so terrified, but it has to be done. The nurses have the hardest time even flushing his port because he's so scared they're going to hurt him. I try to calm him, but it never works and I sometimes can't even watch him go through it. He tries to bargain by saying things like "wait a minute, I need to tell you something" or he tries to say he has to do something else....anything he can to get out of it. When we try and give him his oral meds he clenches his teeth together and refuses so we usually have to hold him down like a couple of monsters and force it down. Sometimes he throws it back up, but like our nurse said....his mouth is the only thing he can conrol and he wants to prove to us that he has some semblance of control over something. I feel so horrible because all I can do is watch him go through it and hope that one day it will all be over and life will be "normal" again. That's all I want....for my baby to have a normal life.
I finish my precepting this week, thankfully. Friday is my last day. Tomorrow we have class from 8-10 to talk about how Wellness Day went, as if we haven't already beaten that dead horse. (Eye rolling). I think they just want to make sure we're all still alive because we haven't seen them in a couple of weeks. Then after precepting I have class on Dec 7th to talk about our pinning and to turn in a few extra things and I'm all finished! Lord, give me the strength to go on. I want to nursing school to be over for good and I don't want to look back. I'm not sure if I'll ever choose to get my BSN...maybe years later when the memory of how horrible it was wears off.
I'm excited to start my new job and to finally get paid for all of this time spent away from my family. For those of you who are just beginning, try not to let it interfere with your personal lives. It's hard to do because you don't have the time, but you have to make time. My husband and I have really grown apart, but we're trying to pull things back together and when you have 4 kids and one of them is sick, it's hard to focus on eachother. I think after school is over and I have some vacation time we are going to go somewhere for a little while to regroup...ALONE. We love the boys, but parents need time too!
Aidan gets to Make-A-Wish and he wants to go to Disney. Hopefully, this summer he will get his wish. He deserves that and more and my guilt level for being away from him so much is unbearable. Moms deserve metals because they're whole beings are wrapped up in their children and often times they forget themselves. So if you're a mom give yourslf a HUGE pat on the back, because having a sick child or no sick child it's the hardest job in the entire world!
Because I have been so busy my husband has had to take a lot of time away from work, therefore money has been very tight and that never feels good. Cancer or no, those people want their money and that's that. I'm trying to reconcile in my head that these people are just doing their jobs, but you can't help but have a part of you that feels they're all soulless blood-sucking vampire leeches who could care less for mankind. Sigh. All of this because I'm trying to finish school and have MORE money. Sigh. It's a lose-lose my friends.
I'm not throwing a pity party becaus it is what it is, but there comes a point where you look to God and ask- WHY?
Onto the positives:
Precepting ends Friday
Last day of school is the 7th
Pinning is the 14th
New job orientation starts the 17th
I'm free the week of Christmas
My son is home and is OK
My other boys all made the honor roll this term (They're amazing!)
We were able to get our holiday decorations up despite the madness
Santa is visiting us soon
Soon we will have more money
We have a roof over our heads
Good food on our table
We're all together
End of rant!
Have a nice week folks.
the more things change
1 year ago