December 6, 2008

A Traitor Walks Among Us

I have a confession to make. I applied for another job yesterday, which is in my hospital, and I'm questioning myself for doing so. <----Biting nails and darting eyes from side to side.

I have had one major complaint for about 9 months and that is my job. Not being a nurse, but being a nurse on my floor which is always, in the least, a chaotic place to be. I liken it to being in the middle of a storm while the siren is blaring in your ears for 12 hours straight and you are having to concentrate in the middle of it. It's so energy sapping and draining. I think a lot of it is the night shift. I'm just so tired, but more than that, it is the constant crap that they throw at us and don't care how we will ever get it done, but that we must.

So a position opened on another unit, It's a women's surgical unit and let me tell is a different world there. Really. It has 14 beds, it is quiet...really quiet there...the patients are mostly younger women...hysterectomys and the like. It is so pretty there too. Nice cabinets, glass partitians, trendy waiting room furniture....they even have christmas decorations up. A beautiful Christmas tree, a lighted snowman, stockings with the nurses names hanging from the nurses station. They have a lot of time on their hands there, in other words. The dinamaps (sp), or BP machines rather, are all new....they have pulse ox's which are hard to come by on my floor and that REALLY pisses me off! It's just so new and posh and quiet and as NON chaotic as could be. It's like night and day from my floor. The matrixing is very nice....3 nurses to 14 patients with two that a joke? That means that they may have 4 patients a piece. It's unheard of! On my floor we can only have two assistants if we have 22 patients! It makes absolutly no sense and that is WHAT ANGERS ME SO! They throw you to the wolves and smile while you're being eaten alive. It's such bullshit!

I have two very good friends who work there and they called to tell me of the opening. A little inside scoop. I was aprehensive and here is why....even if it doesn't make sense. Ok, so I started on med-surg, even if it does suck so hideously bad, I know the place, I have made awesome friends, I feel proud to say I'm a med-surg nurse because I have gotten to do and see everything and yes, that's an awesome feeling as a nurse. There is something about knowing how to do all of those skills and to feel competent. It's like a right of passage so to speak. On the women's unit where I applied, they don't do as many skills, they don't have telemetry patients and such. Like I's quiet there. A part of me wonders if I'll feel less of a nurse. I know that sounds so silly, but it's true. I work hard and I like it, what I don't like is working so hard and still never getting some things done because there is just too much work to be done for one person alone.

Anyway....I'm afraid my boss will be pissed. She needs people right now. Plus the position is full-time nights. I work part-time nights right now and am not even sure if I want to go back to full-time. Plus....I was hoping to stay on my floor and wait until I found a day position somewhere so...arg. I'm just confused and can't help but feel like a traitor kinda. After last week on my floor I can't help but think that place is crazy and I need to get out and fast, but don't want to leave at the same time. I have a lot of decisions to make. Does anyone have any advice?????? I feel lost.


Fairy said...

Thanks for the great post, I started my career in nursing after finishing a associate degree in nursing from associate degree nursing schools

Kirsten S said...

I don't think you'd be a traitor, however pissed your boss will be-she will get over it. You have this right as a nurse, to be able to switch positions as you see fit. You've done your time and you have gained a great amount of experience.

That all being said, I think-since you have specific ideas of what you want in mind-that you should wait for what you really want. The major deciding factor would be going from PT to FT and not really wanting to, especially nights. You've said it yourself that nights are draining you physically and mentally. You have four boys + the hubby for gosh sakes!

I know I'm still just a student, but these are things I've thought about and bridges I'm sure to cross someday as well.

It does sound like a great unit. I don't understand why there's such disparity between two units in the same hospital. That may just be the ignorant SN in me.

You have to do what is best for you!

Drofen said...

Less of a nurse, I don't think so. But isn't the bigger question, "will you feel like more of a PERSON if you do get the job??" At some point it doesn't mean squat if you're nursing goddess but are a shell of a human because of it.

Good for YOU. I'm glad you applied. If nothing else maybe the administration will wonder why people are unhappy enough on your floor to apply for a lateral move to another.

And as far as your boss goes, I can tell just by reading your blog that you are a loyal person. However, if you think your hospital would be loyal to you if they no longer needed your services, you're wrong. Loyalty cannot play that big of a role in your decisions, because believe me, from a business point of view, your loyalty will not be returned by your employer the instant it no longer benefits them to have you employed there.

Drofen said...

Ooo, look, the spam Fairy visited again. So generous of her...

RNstudentCat said...

I am so happy to find you had started blogging again! I have been following your blog since last December when you graduated, it has inspired me as I just started Nursing school last January. I was really scared after you stopped in April. I am so happy to see you are back and happy to know that despite the up's and downs you do still love nursing!! keep the posts coming they are really fantastic!