You're Not Pullin' My Weeds!

Just wanted to check in. I didn't post much about psych because for one I couldn't find the words and two I just didn't want to exploit the kids. I know I didn't and would never give names or specifics, but I still felt awkward about it. Anyhow...I don't know if you noticed on my countdown calendar, but there is only 1 month remaining until 3rd semester is over forever!!! WOOT! Actually it's one month and a couple of days, but I like to think the end of April is the end. So what if I want to be in denial...it's ok.

I have been super busy. We have covered 8 chapters in psych already, and although some if it's common sense there is a lot of new terminology and stuff too. I think this test calls for me to break out the flash cards. I normally don't like to use flash cards, they've never really worked for me, but when there are a lof of definition type things I like to make them. It drills it in my mind. I have yet to make one...this weekend will be spent writing note cards...damn. I never get a day off. Boo Hoo. ;-) All 3 of my older boys are playing ball and have practice almost every day. I feel guilty if I even go and watch and I shouldn't feel that way. :-(

Do you remember when you were in "regular" classes and you'd buy a Meade 5 Star notebook and only use up one of the subject sections for notes? Ahhh...those were the days weren't they? I have one of those and it's completely full with writing on front and back. Yep. The whole damn thang! Bejeeezus! You'd think after all of that I'd be one smart cookie....think again. LOL Our final exams are comprehensive. Meaning all of that front and back jibberish is on one single, whomping, mega, top secret, under lock and key, this can be the end of your nursing career TEST! They keep stressing that we should already be reviewing that material, but frankly, who has the damn time? I know I don't. I spent 6 hours writing my IPR tonight...6! Then I ate and now I'm ready to drop dead until I have to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. BUT I'm not complainaing....I just don't know when we can cram that in.

The instructors say that half the class failed the final last semester. That's encouraging. I hear they're trying to do the final "weed out". They did it 1st semester and now they're doing it again. For those who haven't heard of this, it's basically the "heads" trying to make passing ridiculously hard to see who can hack it and who can't. They want to eliminate the weak and darned near kill the others in this process. I really don't understand this mentality. I understand that nursing is hard for a reason....peoples lives are at stake, but isn't there a big nursing shortage in America that we've all heard about non-stop??? If these people aren't educated enough to be an RN then they won't pass their boards, therefore they can't practice. It's as simple as that. Don't change the curriculum just b/c you want to lessen the graduating class. That's scary.

We have quite a few that are either on the border or closely under it. I'll be so sad if they don't make it. This semester was just too dang hard and long to have to re-take it. UGH x a gazillion. That would SUCK!!!!! I don't know if I could do this semester over again. I think I'd rather have my eyes scrubbed with shards of glass. They aren't weeding me out and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Hmmppf! We have 2 in our class now who are re-taking it b/c they failed last sem. Bravo to them for their stamina and determination. I just don't know if I'd have it in me, atleast not so soon anyway. Unfortunately, I think one of the girls is failing....sigh. I just don't understand this. Yes, they change the tests, but it's the same material. Don't you already have all of these notes? You have an advantage here....TAKE IT! I don't know about you all but the most time consuming thing for me is re-writing class notes in a orderly, studyable (another one of my made up words, I think) fashion. SHe should already have this material, most of it anyway. She's really nice too, I feel bad for her. I don't know if it's a cognitive thing or a I just don't study thing. I believe she's missed a test too. In my program, if you miss a test you have to wait until the end of the semester to re-take it. That's crazy. Can you imagine studying for a 9-10 chapter neurological exam while taking 2 psych tests and studying for the final? It's kind of impossible to do really well. Most ppl shoot themselves in the foot. I've yet to miss a test, knock on wood. Uh-oh, I hope I didn't just jinx myself. EEEK!

Alright, it's really way past my bedtime. I'm outta here,

Peace out!

1 clinical down....CHECK!

I finished my first psych clinical and not only was it interesting, it was very depressing. I was placed in the peds ward with children from 5-12 years old. I didn't get the chance to view their charts beforehand so I wasn't sure why the kids were even there, but I knew that a lot of them had suffered many kinds of abuse. Mental, emotional and physical. I first noticed there was a lot of structure for these kids. They were to get up, get dressed, have breakfast and then clean and tidy their rooms. Once their rooms were checked for order they were locked up and the kids couldn't return to their bedrooms until late in the afternoon. Their first projects were to write down their goals for the day...ie, I will find something posisitve with therapy today or I will try to use my coping skills if I become angry today etc... From there they went into their frist group therapy for the day. My objective was to observe, but to try and communicate with the kids in a therapeutic way. I found it hard to try and have a decent conversation with the kids because a) most of them were really withdrawn and b) they kept them plenty busy all day. THe first group session was about anger management and coping skills. The kids talked about what they feel like when they become angry and they learned that they owned their feelings so the only way they could become angry etc... was if they they allowed themselves to become that way. They learned some excercises for relieving tension such as stretching, deep breathing and other forms of positive coping skills. Then they made stress balls from split peas and balloons. Many kids were receptive, but you could tell others were not. Other therapies throughout the day included games where they would draw their favorite ways to relieve their stress etc... You have to understand that these kids were very disturbed so these games didn't render smiles and raised hands like regular, healthy children. Activities were met with long faces and inward contemplation. I felt very drained being in those therapies and felt a lot of sympathy, which we aren't suppose to do.

One boy of age 6 became so frustrated he decided he was going to yell at the staff and call them some of the most horendous names I've ever heard. He was put in the "time out" room (4 plain concrete walls) to think about what he'd done. He screamed yelled expletives and kicked walls for 45 minutes before his "shot" kicked in and he tuckered out. Sad.....

I tried my best to get a conversation out of atleast one kid, but it was difficult. Many of these kids have trust issues so getting them to open up to me was really hard. Not only was I there to observe but I also have to write an IPR (interpersonal response) as well, so I was doing my best. I can't say I had a great conversation with anyone, but I guess I got enough to write something down. I will write more later when I get a chance.

Psych clinical tomorrow

I came away from my first day back unscathed. One more day down....CHECK!
Tomorrow is our 1st psych clinincal and I'm a little worried. I'm not sure I'm going to say the right things to the patients and then I'll bother them or feel stupid. We're told not to ask them anything, other than, how was therapy?, how's your day going? etc... I just hope the day goes by quickly... we're there from 8-5...long day for just observing. As much as I like psych as a subject, I'm not sure I'll like it immensely as a clinical. I'm usually really good conversing with people but when there's a script...sort of...it's different. We're suppose to use therapeutic techniques such as: Pt- "I want to kill myself". Me- "How does that make you feel"? Pt- "It makes me feel like shit dumbass." Me- "Oh." Then the conversation comes to an abrupt end and therefore it's not therapeutic. I don't even know if we can ask then why. Sigh, I'm confused about our role in this process...obviously. I guess we'll find out if all goes well tomorrow now won't we? I thought the psych portion of our content would be easier than med-surg. I'm not so sure about that now. There are a lot of new terms and such to remember. Lots of drugs too! Hopefully I do ok. I averaged my grade and I have somewhere around an 89% total. Not to shabby. My goal is to do the best I can so that I am not counting down how many I can get wrong on the final..that's a scary thing. I once could only get like 15 wrong ...of course I missed only 4 ;-), then last semester I could have failed the final and still passed so that was an awesome feeling. I think I'm going to go and make some note cards for the next test right now while I'm thinking of it...ta ta.

Christy

If I could just have one more week....

Well, it's Sunday. You know what that means? My spring break is almost ever. Yes, it's true. Tomorrow I have to go back to school..Ugh! My break has been wonderful. I have gotten a lot of things done, but this week has just been a tease. I really don't want to go back. Back to the grind, the stress, the teachers and the bs that goes along with it. Sometimes it feels like I'm in grade school all over again. Sometimes the best thing to do is to turn the other cheek, keep your lips sealed and vent silently to yourself or on a blog like I'm doing right now. I don't agree with a lot of things that are going on, but what can ya do? If you want to have an easy time of it, you'll do nothing and that is what many of us are forced to do...absolutly nothing. SO, with that being said I'm hoping these next 4 and a half weeks fly by because I'm ready for this semester to come to it's climactical end. Yes, I know I sound like a broken record, but I can't seem to think of anything else but it being finished.

I'm already having a bit of anxiety about returning. The air is thick with tension all around. It's suffocating sometimes. I knew the day I returned to school this semester that it wasn't going to be a good one. I felt it, the vibe. For a while I thought it was just my negativity that was clouding my judgement, but I soon realized that wasn't it at all. Others felt the same, therefore I knew I wasn't just imagining things in my head. I wasn't expecting easy, but I was hoping that I wouldn't grow to hate nursing school. I'm coming to despise it due to the politics of it all.

I really should have gotten caught up on my reading for psych, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just really wanted time away from all of that to focus on getting myself back in order. It really drains you, it does. I have to work hard for my grades, for some it comes easier. I'm not one of those people, so essentially it's like running a marathon. At first you have momentum, then you just get tuckered out and I am....exausted. Next semester will be better, I honestly don't think it can get worse than this. I hear all of our skills are done in the first two weeks of class, I believe there are 4 or 5 we have to do. Well, the only good thing I can say about that is...atleast we get it over with right off the bat right? It will be the last semester...I cannot believe it. I can't imagine the day I won't have to worry about a test ever again...aside from the NCLEX of course. I think if you can get through nursing school than anything is possible....anything. I will have been in school for 3 and a half years when all is said and done...that's a long time, especially when you don't have a break and you go full time. To think of all the things that are locked up tight in my brain. LOL Too bad they won't come out when commanded to. I do feel proud of all I've done, but it hasn't hit me just yet that I'm about to be a nurse. Maybe once I'm working then it will hit me. I know my husband cannot wait. He's ready for me to being home some bacon for a change. lol


Well, this post was mainly me complaining, so sorry about that. It's 80 degrees outside and I plan on spending my last day of freedom enjoying it.
Until next time....

George the Cheater Part Deux

OK....Grey's Anatomy lastnight was awesome. I loved the beginning...Christina: "I really didn't like hearing George at 3 in the morning doing his version of SexyBack". Merideth: "Well, atleast he and Izzy are making up. You did make up didn't you?" Ha ha ha. They had no clue what was going on in that room. They, like us, would never guess that Izzy and George would....ya know. I was shocked when we discovered George didn't remember that he and Izzy had sex. Not only did he cheat on his wife, the guy doesn't even remember doing it....until he's meeting Callie's father for the first time and then all of the sudden...flashbacks. Oh dear....then Izzy is forced to work with the O'Malley's for the rest of the day. Pure torture. You can tell Izzy is wrestling with the fact that George doesn't remember....she looked hurt even. She wanted to tell him, but couldn't, then he did and he was well....shocked. He asked Izzy basically to pretend it didn't happen because he didn't want to clear his conscience for his own selfish reasons and hurt Callie. That's some twisted way of saying....I don't want her to know because she might tackle me and cause permanent damage.

I loved how protective Derrick was of Merideth's vulnerable state. He really does love her and want what's best for her, but she really need to prove something to herself and her dead mom (by doing the new face surery) and she did and all ended happily there. Except...Derrick's interview went horrible while McSteamy ended up smelling like a rose. He was is and will always be out for his own self.

I am really loving the storyline with Alex and Jane Doe. I sense he's falling for this poor girl with the severely jacked up face. I wonder if they'll reveal "Ava" and her new face next week...hmm. And who is she? Is she married? Divorced? Does she have any family..no one has come looking for her. Who's teh daddy? Was she on vacation....just tell me WHO IN THE HELL THIS CHICK IS!!!! He's so sweet and gentle with her...that's sooo not him. He basically helped her decide between the 3 faces she had to choose from and she values his opinion....it's a very sweet storyline and I hope the writers don't go a f*ck this one up because I'm really waiting with bated breath to see how it all unfolds.

So did you all laugh as hard as I did when Dr Baily was walking down the hall and noticed McSteamy standing there. She had a look of disgust on her face...classic Miranda. I just adore her.

Operation Be Kind-Rewind failed for Cristina , but it all ended happily in the end. Justice of the peace amd Mer and Der....how romantic. No Mosquito nets! Ha ha.

Well, I'm loving the direction Grey's is going, despite the fact that I'm mad that George cheated on Callie. Can't wait for next week.

George the Cheater

I have yet to watch tonight's episode of Grey's but I wanted to comment on last weeks episode. IZZY AND GEORGE???? What's up with that? I can't say I was shocked, but dayum! What's George gonna do now? He is just too timid and sweet for Izzy. She needs a strong man....like Denny. What did George go and do? Is he going to tell Callie? Oh Lordy! Callie will kill him and Izzy both. He'd better tell her over the phone. LOL SO not only will Izzy be grappling with her feelings left for Denny, but also Alex and now George. Tsk Tsk. Drink + men = sex...Don't you know that Izzy? I guess the writers are going back to the old tried and true...have everyone sleep with everyone and make a big hot mess of everything. Geez! Callie is rich...like heiress rich. Wonder if George will continue eating room service out of big daddy's pockets? We'll have to wait and see...

And what was with that creepy man grabbing Christina's butt? I'm glad, give ole Burke a run for his money, he's too pompous anyway. I'm still pissed he called TR Knight a faggot and then LIED about it in front of TR who then went on Ellen and said he's a liar and he heard him. Whatever! The man would have a fit if someone threw derogitory comments in his direction. Pffffffffffft! I hate haters.

I really loved the dinner with Merideth's dad and step mom. Mare Winningham...remember her from St. Elmos Fire? She was in love with Billy (Rob Lowe in his too hot for tv days) and Billy made fun of her girdle when they were about to get it on? Poor Mare. Never fall in love with a hot sax player. They'll break your heart everytime. I can't watch her without thinking of that humiliating moment in cinema history.

Let's take a trip back in time shall we????


Ahhhh...didn't you just love that movie? I love the 80's...
So how did I get so off track...Mare...oh yeah...atleast she's still working. Well....I'm off to watch Grey's. I'll post on it later....let's hope George isn't killed off the show.

Where's My Fairy Godmother?

I have forgotten how to be a lady of leisure, I've been a slave to the books for far too long. Why did I ever decide to become a nurse? Being a housewife isn't so bad. I get to plan meals, tidy the house, spend time with my family, watch tv shows that I've missed. Hell I even took and hour to give myself a manicure and pedi. This is heaven! Damn me and my practical and realistic self. Deciding to get an education pffttt! Education is SO overrated. LOL I've even gotten to sit and read a book...one that doesn't require me to retain an ounce of it. Fluff..I love books full of fluff, romance, betrayal...living vicariously is fun! I am getting too comfortable in this role of mother and wife. I forgot just how much I love it. And in less than a week the spell will be broken...I'll go back to being a slave, my house will be unkempt, my laundry pile will go back to the size of Mount Everest and I will once again be the stressed out mother of four everyone has come to avoid. Sigh!

Such is life. It can't always be a fairytale. 5 more weeks....5 weeks and I'm done. It isn't so long right? Ugh...just get me there....to the end.

Summertime....barbecues, ball games, lounging poolside....I can't wait. I will be so happy when this semester is complete and I can be myself again. That's all I want...to feel like myself.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Thank goodness it's Spring Break! I've never needed a break more than I do right now. This week was so busy. I had a Micro test on Wednesday and Thursday I had my nursing test on Neuro. It sucked. They had us take the test alone then alerted us that afterward we'd take it again, but in groups of 3 (arranged by our total points) and they'd take our original grade and average it with the group grade and if our group grade ended up being better than our own, that's the grade we got. It's called collaborative testing. I only got 2 extra points more than what I had and ended up with an 81% which is a C = UGH! It brought my average down for the class to like an 86 or something. Oh well, atleast I passed and am not failing the class, which is what is happening to a lot of people this semester. There are supposedly about 8 people failing, that really sucks. SO, a lot of these people won't be graduating with us, unless they can pull up their grade enough, which is really hard to do at this point. We only have about 29-30 people in our class as it is because it's dwindled over time for various reasons. Well, atleast I got that one done. CHECK! I just keep chekin' em off. So, now where I stand is I have 4 psych clinicals (we had our orientation at the facility yesterday)two psych tests and our final exam. We have 5 weeks of class left. OH MY GOSH, I can't believe it! I am so ready.

Am removing the rest of my post because I don't want to ruffle feathers....even though I should! Ha!

Peace....

I don't know why, but I laughed my arse off at this video.

More tests...

1 week until Spring Break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT! We have our Neuro test Thursday and Wednesday I have a lab test in micro....ugh. I'm not prepared for either one. I have so many notes left to re-write for nursing it's ridiculous. Our neuro test covers 8 chapters worth of material....bejeezus. I sat at my dining room table yesterday for 8 hours writing notes and I'm only half way there. Wish me luck on this test. It's going to be a booger.

You Tube is the Shiz!

This song is hot. Remember Alan Thicke (the dad, Jason Seiver) from growing pains? This is his son. He reminds me of Justin Timberlake and no I'm not afraid to admit it, I love JT. I think he's an artist and I appriciate artists. There you have it. (Check out my video section)


Bringing Study Back


Bringing Nursing Back


ER Rap

Feeling Overwhelmed

Our last clinical was yesterday and I couldn't be more thankful. Clinicals wear me out. I didn't have a great day yesterday. I had 3 pt's all by myself and they were all pretty intense. 1-rib fractures, was on bedrest but was ordered up to chair when I got there. Tried getting him up to go to the bathroom and he tried passing out on me. His wife and I got him to the bed before he fell, thank goodness. He was very needy all day. Well, his wife was really needy. He was fine after the almost passing out episode. 2nd pt was a woman who had a massive GI bleed. She had had 3 solid blood stools before arriving at the hospital and was getting blood transfusions all day. 3rd pt had a fem-fem bypass the day before. Both of his femoral arteries were occluded. This is the second time he's had this done, poor fella. He had three incisions....one at both groin areas then one that started towards the middle of the chest and went around his side to his back....craziness. He was the nicest guy. I cannot believe he was even moving around after that, I have to admit his incisions looked pretty painful.

Let me start with why this was a bad day....aunt flo came to visit me before I left the house...ugh. The night before I had started to have a temp and my throat was hurting....uh-oh, I feel some sickness coming on. I felt like absolute shit all day while I was running my ass off. Normally I would have called in, but I wasn't about to miss last clinical. I wanted to get it over with and not have to make it up. I had the worst 3 pt's on the floor...seriously. The night before clinical we always go to our site to get our assignments. 2 of my assigned patients had been discharged which meant I had to pick another 2. I asked one of the nurses who was easier because we are suppose to have 1 complicated patient and 2 relatively easy ones (if there is such a thing) at first. Keep in mind this was the 1st time I had 3 all by myself. She says to me...honey, this is the real world, you ain't gonna get easy pt's. Then she gave me the two worst ones. I told instructor about this and she was pissed at the nurse, but also at me for not listening to my own "judgement" and making my own decisions. Anyway.... All of the other students seemed to have a lot of time on their hands, whereas I did not. That isn't what bothered me, what bothered me was that I was getting behind...really behind on med passes. I didn't even get one med passed until 2 hours after it was due because SOME other pt wouldn't let me leave their side because they wanted to be coddled. THEN the other students kept asking me what was wrong because I looked funny. It's called concentration, being busy, stressed out and working. They kept saying...are you ok? over and over and over. Honestly, I was ok, but I was really, really busy. It wasn't until they all started asking me things that I got upset because I start thinking to myself....does me expression render pissed off, upset, not ok? I've been told before that I look so intense sometimes, when all actuality, that's just my face. LOL I guess it bugged me and made me self concious which led me to telling them to STOP asking me what's wrong because NOTHING was wrong...I WAS JUST BUSY and I FELT LIKE POO! Anyway, it made me more moody...I know they were just trying to help and I love them all for it, I apologized if I seemed snappy, which I probably did. BOO@me. SO....I also had a lot of new things that day that I'd never done before. My fem-fem pt needed his NG tube flushed. I remember doing this as a skill, but couldn't even remember the 1st step at the bedside. It's wayyyyy easier than I thought it would be. Here's the breakdown....you want to insert 30cc's of air (like you can actually measure air pfft) from a big ball plunger/syringe doohickey into their NG tube and listen to the abdomen for the swoosh of air.....and yes it does sound like a swoosh...cool. Then you fill the syringe with 30cc of normal saline to flush. Once flushed you want to retract the bulb and hope for 30 cc's of content. I only got 20, but she said it was ok. I also had a lot of new med orders come in and that got me even more behind because I was trying to get pharmacy to send the meds up blah blah blah. All of my pt's were diabetic so I had a lot of insulin to prepare. They weren't all sliding scale either. FINALLY I got to go to lunch and I didn't even eat, I was too upset and I can't even really say why. Maybe it's because I felt like I was all thumbs all day, maybe because I felt my confidence was shot that day...whatever it was, I hated the feeling. I sat down with the others and couldn't help it...I cried. If I wanted to, I could have cried more, but I had to contain it because I was in a public place. How embarassing. I think I just felt awful and I was so behind and really overwhelmed. I wasn't wanting sympathy, I wanted a release. They understand, I'm sure they feel this way too from time to time.

Anyhow the day went on and I went on, what else can you do? So here I am and I'm ok, still feeling like crap, but ok.

YEE HAW!

Last Med-Surg clinical tomorrow...dancin' the jig. I'll have 3 pt's on my own tomorrow for the first time. I'm sure I'll have some interesting things to share. 3 pt's is a lot when you're in nursing school, I think so anyway. I remember when I thought I'd die if I had more than one. Hope everyone has a good rest of the week!

I AM NOT A COMPUTER!

Mondays suck. Here is how my day began today. Got up at 6am to get kids ready for school. Took a shower, drank some coffee and left the house at nine. Got to school at 10 and finished my clinical worksheet that was due by the start of class (10:20). Forgot it was due...oops. Had nursing class until 12:20. We talked about CVA (stroke) for the whole 2 hours. On and on and on and on...oy! I was lost, she's all over the place. (Must re-write those notes later that are fit for styudying). Hope I have time for that. 12:30 began studying for micro quiz (DNA) that began at 1:00. (OOPS...Forgot Again!) Did more talking than studying...I'm burned out. 12:45 ate some Girl Scout thin mint cookies for lunch. Healthy. 1:00 took Micro test (8 questions). 1:20 began culturing eschericia coli (E.coli) and all kinds of other nasty, smelly shit. 2:00 took an open book quiz over handwashing techniques....YAWN! 2:15 noticed the girl sitting next to me staring at my face in personal growth. Shrugged it off and went about my business. 2:30 went over micro quiz taken at beginning of the class...missed 5 out of 8..I rock! lol Do I care? No...you know why? Because I'm human and even though I forgot about it, I wouldn't have had time to study for it anyway so, whatever. 2:50...cultured so more nasty crap and got to use the bunson burner...fun. 3:30 started new material and I don't know what it was because I didn't pay attention...hey my brain can only hold so much in a day ya know? 4:00 let out of class, got in car and drove home with a blank stare and a blank mind. 4:45, rolled up in my drive, took a glance in the mirror and noticed a nice chocolate smear on my chin. Oh God! Was that there since the thin mints? Yes...apparently so. No wonder that girl was staring. Why didn't anyone tell me? I'm too tired to care so I wiped my face, then my pride and made it in the house. 5:00 ate some lunch, since I never really had any, said hello to my kids and began an assignment that is due for Thursday (that I forgot to do last Thursday-never happened before) that I really want to get out of the way. 8:00 finished the assignment, helped son write a paper and now here I am typing all of my boring, long day to you fine people.

I am not a computer! I cannot possibly remember all of this crap. I have been so forgetful lately and the reason is ironic..I have so much to remember! There is so much going on right now I'm lucky I remember my name, hell sometimes I even forget who I am and why I even wanted to do this in the first place. I use to be a layed back gal, could handle anything. Now, I'm wound up as tight as a spring and any minute the tension lets loose I'll be on the floor in the fetal position rocking back and forth. lol...let's hope not. Some days, when the overwhelmness (is that a word? probably not) gets to me I wonder...why am I doing this? Is it worth all of this stress and the guilt created by not getting to see my family? I just keep reminding myself I'm alsmot there. Heck, I'm more than halfway there..it feels good to say that now. As the title of my blog states...follow me on this journey. It is a journey. It's a test of strenth, endurance, determination and drive. Overall, I think it is worth it....really worth it. I know that being an LPN or RN is hard, but I think if you can get through nursing school than anything is possible. It's the most time consuming, grueling, demanding, stressful thing I have ever done in my whole life, but I think the rewards will be greater than all of that. I'm waiting... If it weren't for my husband I don't know what I would do. He has taken over everything in our lives and doesn't complain. How lucky am I? I am lucky and even though I get on here and vent about my terrible days I know it could be much, much worse. My kids are all healthy and doing well in school and I know most moms brag about their kids, but my boys are very cool. They all have great character, senses of humor and good morals. I'm a very proud mom. Yes my husband and I disagree...a lot, but he loves me for me. When I'm down he lifts me up and gives me that push I need to keep on keepin' on. I have to keep reminding myself...it will be ok. I will make it. I will conquer this and when graduation day comes I can stand with my head held high and know that I can do anything I set my mind to. We all can. That is one thing I now know for sure....anything is possible if you want it bad enough. At the end of your schooling you normally have a pinning ceremony...honoring the nursing ancestors of the past and you can choose someone to pin you. It can be a teacher, your mom a classmate or friend, anyone who has inspired or helped you get through it. I will choose my husband Keith because he has been my arms, legs and helping hands through all of this. So, I hope that all of you going through the same as me, and I know you're out there...I hope you have that support, because it's very important. Good luck and study hard!
Peace....

How Do You Choose A Specialty?

Not much has been going on on the school front. We're now covering the neuro system. It's kind of interesting. The brain is a mysterious and complicated thing. We have our exam over the material on the 15th and the week after that is SPRING BREAK!!! YAY! I'm can't wait. As of right now we have about 8 weeks left. I can't believe that within that 8 weeks we'll have 3 more exams and a final in nursing, plus 4 psych rotations. After our neuro test the rest of the material is psych. I like psych so I'm excited about that. This week is our last med-surg rotation. I have to admit, I had fun at clinical this go round. I think it's because all of our confidence is building and feeling like a nurse gets more real every day. I do feel like I know what I'm doing most days and it's happened so gradually that it wasn't an ah-ha moment, but it feels good to not have to ask about everything and to just understand it. I still think I need a good way to do a thourough assessment without needing to look at my cheat sheet. That's my new goal...learning how to do a great assessment. Of course sometimes I still feel fumbly and awkward, but I feel I've come a long way from where I was last semester. I didn't realize when I was in 1st semester the amount of knowledge and experience you gain from there to your 3rd semester. It feels like 1st semester was a hundred years ago. I see all the 1st semester students in the hallway stressing over their skills and I want to go up and hug them and tell them it will be ok. That's me being Mother Hen. I remember those days well...sitting in the hall awaiting the intructor to walk out and call my name. I'd get the cold sweats of fear, the wash of anticipated failure. Worrying about which instructor you'd get and hoping it wasn't a certain one who loved to fail people. You'd chant your skills to yourself....don't cross the sterile field, don't cross the sterile field, tear the tape, tear the tape, check for a blood return, check for a blood return. Then the intructor you SOOO didn't want walks out and calls your name and it's in slow motion. You look around at your compadres and you see the look of pity in their eyes, but gratefulness because she didn't call their name. Sigh..those days were hell. LOL Thank goodness we don't have any skills this semester, but next semester (4th) we do. 4th semester is OB and Peds. I cannot wait. I am so freakin' excited about OB. I went into nursing because I wanted to be a Labor and Delivery nurse...as time has gone on I have second guessed myself a lot. Honestly I don't know what I want to do yet. I'd still love to do L&D, but I also want to make sure I have a career where I get to use the skills I was taught and since I haven't had an OB rotation yet I don't know what OB nursing is like. My sis works as a surgical tech in L&D and absolutley loves it, but she's an adrenaline junky too. L&D is very unpredictable and I like that. I don't want a boring job, I want something exciting and challenging. In L&D you have double the responsability because you're caring for not just one life, but two...so that's scary. I do know what I don't want to do. I don't like ortho, rehab etc... That bores me to tears. I also don't like gerontology. I worked as a CNA at a nursing home once and vowed..NEVER AGAIN! I hope no one takes offense, but it just isn't my thing and I'm glad I know that now. Med-Surg is cool because there's always something different and you definately get to use all of your skills, but I think I'd be more comfortable with a specialty. My OR rotation was great, but standing in surgery for hours at a time can be grueling and some of the docs are arseholes with huge heads and I don't think I'd take kindly to them yelling at me. I'm afraid I'd yell back. lol I'd like to get an externship this summer in L&D to make sure, but I was told not to take it unless it's what I wanted to do for certain because they'd probably want to hire me after all was said and done. Sigh...I hate not knowing and indecisiveness. I'm waiting for a bell to go off in my head signaling my future. Ding Ding Ding...this is for you! I don't know if that will happen, but we'll see.

Nursing has so many avenues and that's why it appealed to me. There are so many specialties you can choose from. Maybe I need to do some research on the ones I like and weigh the pros and cons. Yes, that's what I'll do. Listen to me thinking outloud. How bored are you by this post? lol Anyway, I think all nurses go through this at the beginning of their career. My fear is getting stuck, I've seen this happen so much. A nurse starts out somewhere and hates it but doesn't switch units or careers. I want to find something I love so much I'll never want to leave and I hope that I do. I hope that you do too.

Stabbings and American Idol

Clincal: One of my pt's... drunk and having sex with his girlfriend, caught by wife. Wife sees red, stabs him multiple times. Slices throat, punctures lung, slices fingers. Cut up all over. The man looked like he was in a fight with with some Kung Foo style shiz. Man survies, confused, alcoholic, depressed (what else?). Detox protocol, librium, ativan and the like. Prn meds-Beer. No joke, the man had beer as a prn medication (as needed). Beer + hospital= huh? Man decribes horror as I help him amublate down the hall. Honest, horror. Poor man. Wife...in jail, probably for a very, very long time. Domestic violence, infidelity, foolhardiness=lives ruined. Don't try this at home.

On to something not so depressing...Well, as we all know it's American Idol Time. That's right...I don't know about you, but American Idol is the highlight of my Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I've been watching this season from the beginning, as I always have, and I have to say...no one other than Miss Doolittle, Keisha Jones and beat box Blake have really caught my attention. Don't get me wrong there are some good singers, but where is that WOW factor we usually have? I mean I remember the first time I heard Bo Bice I was like...Oh hell Yes! The first time I heard Carrie Underwood I was blown away. Will we ever hear another voice like that on American Idol again? They are naturals, performers and people with voices that stand out above the crowd. I hope this season turns out some real talent. First of all...Sanjaya Malakar, and no I didn't google that, I'm just a great speller..., what's the deal with him? Sorry but the guy...not so good and he looks like a really tan Farrah Fawcet. I'm sure he's a nice kid, but where's the talent? I'm waiting..... American Idol is the ultimate talent show of our time. It's not just a sensation, but proves that you can be serving burgers one minute and be a grammy winner the next. Let's look at the statistics as best as my memory allows... Kelly Clarkson...grammy award winner (maybe 2 times, but more than you and I and who else can say they have a grammy?), how many number one hits has she had? I don't know, but I know it's a lot. Even that Kimberly Caldwell has a show on the TV Guide channel. Sure, we can only see half of her face sometimes, but atleast her forehead is getting some air time. Ruben Studdard, not a huge album seller, but popular in the R&B genre nonetheless. Clay Aiken, not even a winner of AI and he's sold more albums than...lots of people I'm sure. Probably more than ODB anyway. That's Old Dirty Bastard for the old folk. You have to admit....the Claymates represent! Loyalty. Fantasia Barino...winner, had a biopic on Lifetime of her life and now she starring in Broadway's hit The Color Purple on BROADWAY! Not to mention she was on Oprah yesterday pimpin' herself. She even said... "I might be poor and I might be ugly, but I'm here." Yes she did. Yes, she was on Oprah, the O Holy wisdom of goodness and light. At least for me anyway. LUV her! Anyway...Oprah...That's huge! Moving on....Carrie Underwood...need I say more? She's been on Oprah too. The chick beat out Faith Hill for a CMA award, we all remember that little scandal. Her voice is an instrument...beautiful. Bo Bice, made a nice CD, although I think he got ripped by the music biz and coerced into a pop album...so not him. The 3 songs on his album that are really good are the ones he wrote himself. He's been sick, I hope he gets better....bowel troubles. I think it perforated, twisted over eachother etc... It was really serious for a while there. I was the biggest Bo Bice fan around. I really think his voice is incredible, beautiful, soulful....yum. I had tickets to see him in my hometown and he cancelled. I was bummed, I have a major big crush on him. Yes I know I'm a grown woman! LOL Jennifer Hudson...I loved her from the beginning. I'm not hopping on any bandwagon either, I pointed her out the 1st week. Her voice is a powerhouse and she gives me the chills everytime she sings. Anyhow she won the Academy Award! That's ...unbelievable. Also been on Oprah, even bigger. I'm starting to see a trend here. Chris Daughtry...album is at #3 on the charts...poor Taylor, he's #137. Oh well. MY POINT...AI turns out some major players and those people on there now just aren't proving that they're in the game yet, save a couple. Guess we'll wait and see. I hope Antonella Barba and Sanjaya goes home...this isn't a beauty contest, it's a singing contest and they can take their pretty selves and go. There you have it, my thoughts, as jumbled as they may be.

Peace...
Posting some tributes:

Miracles Can Happen

They threw 3 questions on the last test meaning I missed 3. I got a 46 out of 49 which is a 93%-A. I rock. Word!