March 5, 2007

I AM NOT A COMPUTER!


Mondays suck. Here is how my day began today. Got up at 6am to get kids ready for school. Took a shower, drank some coffee and left the house at nine. Got to school at 10 and finished my clinical worksheet that was due by the start of class (10:20). Forgot it was due...oops. Had nursing class until 12:20. We talked about CVA (stroke) for the whole 2 hours. On and on and on and on...oy! I was lost, she's all over the place. (Must re-write those notes later that are fit for styudying). Hope I have time for that. 12:30 began studying for micro quiz (DNA) that began at 1:00. (OOPS...Forgot Again!) Did more talking than studying...I'm burned out. 12:45 ate some Girl Scout thin mint cookies for lunch. Healthy. 1:00 took Micro test (8 questions). 1:20 began culturing eschericia coli (E.coli) and all kinds of other nasty, smelly shit. 2:00 took an open book quiz over handwashing techniques....YAWN! 2:15 noticed the girl sitting next to me staring at my face in personal growth. Shrugged it off and went about my business. 2:30 went over micro quiz taken at beginning of the class...missed 5 out of 8..I rock! lol Do I care? No...you know why? Because I'm human and even though I forgot about it, I wouldn't have had time to study for it anyway so, whatever. 2:50...cultured so more nasty crap and got to use the bunson burner...fun. 3:30 started new material and I don't know what it was because I didn't pay attention...hey my brain can only hold so much in a day ya know? 4:00 let out of class, got in car and drove home with a blank stare and a blank mind. 4:45, rolled up in my drive, took a glance in the mirror and noticed a nice chocolate smear on my chin. Oh God! Was that there since the thin mints? Yes...apparently so. No wonder that girl was staring. Why didn't anyone tell me? I'm too tired to care so I wiped my face, then my pride and made it in the house. 5:00 ate some lunch, since I never really had any, said hello to my kids and began an assignment that is due for Thursday (that I forgot to do last Thursday-never happened before) that I really want to get out of the way. 8:00 finished the assignment, helped son write a paper and now here I am typing all of my boring, long day to you fine people.

I am not a computer! I cannot possibly remember all of this crap. I have been so forgetful lately and the reason is ironic..I have so much to remember! There is so much going on right now I'm lucky I remember my name, hell sometimes I even forget who I am and why I even wanted to do this in the first place. I use to be a layed back gal, could handle anything. Now, I'm wound up as tight as a spring and any minute the tension lets loose I'll be on the floor in the fetal position rocking back and forth. lol...let's hope not. Some days, when the overwhelmness (is that a word? probably not) gets to me I wonder...why am I doing this? Is it worth all of this stress and the guilt created by not getting to see my family? I just keep reminding myself I'm alsmot there. Heck, I'm more than halfway there..it feels good to say that now. As the title of my blog states...follow me on this journey. It is a journey. It's a test of strenth, endurance, determination and drive. Overall, I think it is worth it....really worth it. I know that being an LPN or RN is hard, but I think if you can get through nursing school than anything is possible. It's the most time consuming, grueling, demanding, stressful thing I have ever done in my whole life, but I think the rewards will be greater than all of that. I'm waiting... If it weren't for my husband I don't know what I would do. He has taken over everything in our lives and doesn't complain. How lucky am I? I am lucky and even though I get on here and vent about my terrible days I know it could be much, much worse. My kids are all healthy and doing well in school and I know most moms brag about their kids, but my boys are very cool. They all have great character, senses of humor and good morals. I'm a very proud mom. Yes my husband and I disagree...a lot, but he loves me for me. When I'm down he lifts me up and gives me that push I need to keep on keepin' on. I have to keep reminding myself...it will be ok. I will make it. I will conquer this and when graduation day comes I can stand with my head held high and know that I can do anything I set my mind to. We all can. That is one thing I now know for sure....anything is possible if you want it bad enough. At the end of your schooling you normally have a pinning ceremony...honoring the nursing ancestors of the past and you can choose someone to pin you. It can be a teacher, your mom a classmate or friend, anyone who has inspired or helped you get through it. I will choose my husband Keith because he has been my arms, legs and helping hands through all of this. So, I hope that all of you going through the same as me, and I know you're out there...I hope you have that support, because it's very important. Good luck and study hard!
Peace....

4 comments:

Prisca said...

Yup, support is the name of the game. I couldn't make it without my hubby and his family!

RN Someday said...

Oh - what a shitty day - sorry. I'm only able to stay so positive because the nightmarish hell has only just begun for me. I am only baby semester 1 nursing student. Plus, nursing is all I am taking. I'm done with all the other classes so I think that makes it easier. Glad you have a supportive hubby. I'm lucky I have one too, most of the time.

Soulshine ....RN to be (hopefully) said...

We all have those days. I think I was pretty positive too at first...lol Just kidding. Some semesters are better than others. 1st was hard for me because everything was new and I was trying to find my groove. Regardless of how difficult my days are, I still enjoy the material...most times...and I love patient interaction and actually doing what I've learned, that's the most fun. I'm glad you have that support. As I always say...just keep on keepin' on. If I can do it, anyone can. :-)

Drofen said...

Whew. This post just gave me chills, because I know whats coming. :(