Birthdays and Paranoia

My oldest son turns 15 today, which in turn makes me feel old. Now I know why some people choose to keep having babies, because it keeps them young. Not that I am old, I had Skyler pretty young, you do the math. Regardless, I can't help but remember when I was a mere 15 and thought I knew everything about the world. Har, Har, Har, how ignorant I was...


At 15, me and my friends would hide behind the garage and smoke cigarettes and sneak out of the house to meet boys! We thought we were so cool. As the years went by, things became less innocent and took a turn for the worse. When I look back now, I was just a little girl trying to do grown up (and very illegal!) things. We would attend parties at complete strangers houses, get in cars with random guys, take vacations and venture on the beach alone at night, probably in mini skirts with lots of make-up on! You'd think we were just asking for it huh? Lucikly no one I knew was raped or kidnapped (or worse), but we all put ourselves in danger. It's amazing that I'm able to sit here today and type this with all the stupid things I have done. I experimented with drugs and drank (A LOT) of alcohol too. What was more scary was that I had a license and a deadly weapon to drive around. I was once in a wreck so horrible that I had to sit in the middle of a room, terrified, while a 12 person jury eyeballed me with contempt and judgement. My point... I was such an idiot!

My son is having a small party with his friends this weekend, under our supervision of course, but he's also venturing out with them....alone for a while. I think back to how rebellious I was, then I look at my son and it freaks me out. I internally panicked. "NO POT SMOKING! NO GIRLS and NO ALCOHOL! And I will know if you're stoned!" lol Yes, I am projecting my own misdeeds onto my very sheltered and innocent honor roll student. I need to learn to loosen the reins a bit and let him have a little more freedom. I admit that I am protective, HELLO it's me! I know what kids do because I was one of them and I was very good at doing very bad things. These days, it's much worse than it was then and that scares me to death. Kids are cutting theirselves for goodness sake and having sex at 12 and 13!!! I know I was young, but 12?! INSANITY!

My youngest son, Aidan, who is 6, had a surprise visit from a little girl in his kindergarten class the other day and when he saw her his face turned beat red and his smile was as big as Texas. He was blushing, I tell you! I think he may be in love with this little girl and she is BOSSY too! "Come with me Aidan!" "Let's do this Aidan." "I want to play this game Aidan!" ...and he followed her around the house like a little puppy on a leash. I was about to intervene when her mom finally showed up. Oy! Already?!

I am not prepared for this. I am not ready for my 'little' boy to be driving a car, dating girls and experimenting with God knows what. This teenage business is giving me an ulcer. Regardless, he is a mature kid and I am proud of him for not acting like a complete hooligan. Can't say I was as smart as he is, but I only hope and pray he makes the right decisions when he's placed in certain circumstances. Happy 15th Birthday to my Skyler.


Lord give me strength to endure the next several years....