1-900-OMG-STFU

I am applying for a transfer of nursing license from my state to another (where I will be working). Who knew it would be so difficult? Discrepencies keep coming up and every time I call I speak with the same lady. She speaks in a soft whisper and her demeanor is much like a breathy, Marilyn Monroe. Not only that, but she seems super spaced out, as if she's high on drugs mixed with helium, not to mentoin she speaks at a snail's pace. Here is how a typical conversation with her transpires:

Me: You said you needed something more. What is it?

Marilyn: (airy voice) In section 2-F of the application you didn't elaborate.

Me: What do you need me to elaborate on?

Marilyn: (airy voice) pause............Um, well, the section.

Me: But I don't have the application in front of me because I mailed it to you, remember? Could you please be more specific?

Marilyn: It's the section regarding your dates.

Me: Dates of what?

Marilyn: The dates you left off.

Me: Well, I obviously don't know what those dates are. Can you please tell me so that I can fix this problem.. (and NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOUR VAGUE ASS AGAIN!!!)?

Marilyn: You left off the dates of one of your employers.

Me: SIGH. Which one?

Marilyn: The one that you worked at in 1995.

Me: 1995? I worked there in 1995.

Marilyn: We need specifics.

Me: (YOU need specifics?!) (Deep Breath...)Meaning start and end dates?

Marilyn: Something like that, yes.

Me: Ok, Marilyn. This was in 1995. That was a loooong time ago. Is it really that important now? I wasn't even a nurse then.

Marilyn: Silence.

Me: Hello?

Marilyn: Yes?

Me: I asked if it's that important to delay the process of me getting my license.

Marilyn: Oh yes!

Me: I'm just trying to understand. Can I email you these dates?

Marilyn: No, you should mail them.

Me: Mail them to you?

Marilyn: That will be all right I guess.

Me: You guess? Do I need to mail them to you or not?

Marilyn: Sure.

Me: (Silently beating the phone against my head.)Ok what is your address?

Marilyn: (silent)

Me: Hello? Are you there?

The call ends. ARG!!!!!!!!!

I don't know if I was talking to a phone sex operator or what! ARG! At this rate I will never get my IN license. I'm so frustrated! Is this outer effing space or the board of nursing????