My Last Day of My First Nursing Job

My last day, a-hem night, on the job was nothing out of the ordinary. Lots of call lights, lots of "Can I get my dayladid and phinigin", as they tend to say. Same, same, same, except for one thing... The looks. I kept getting these puppy dog looks from people from a distance. I would see them watching me as if they would never see me again and it started to wear on my guilty conscience. I'm not dying folks, just switching jobs! I guess you can say I was sad. It wasn't an emotion I was expecting to feel upon leaving, but I did. I even shed some tears as I was being bombarded with hugs and I guess the reason I was so sentimental was that they actually seemed to care that I was leaving. Or perhaps it was hugs of joy. "Glad she's gone!. Let's party!" Ha.

I did manage to have one frightening encounter before I left. I went to check on another nurse's patient only to find him laying in the floor, catheter pulled as excruciatingly tight as possible (ouch) and the call light was clutched tightly in his contracted fist. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" LOL I had a premonition I would be yelling that at some point on my unit. May as well go out with a bang.....or a thud.

Nevertheless, I am a bit sad. It was my first real job as a nurse. My stomping grounds. My rite of passage, as they say. I will always have fond, and some very scary, memories of the place. Awww, shucks, here comes the waterworks! :(

The feeling of sadness didn't last long as I layed in bed this morning willing sleep to come. I layed there, numb within my exhausted body, falling in and out of a restless sleep as I always tend to do. As I would fall asleep my body would twitch violently and wake me. I hate that. ARG! I kept having dreams that I was falling off of my porch steps. I hate that also. Annoying. It's all a part of staying up all night like a crack head and forcing your body to slow down and rest. No, I won't miss the night shift at all. It's just not normal and I never felt normal, so bring on the normal and by the way.....what is it? I can't wait to find out.

So many things are happening in my life right now. Things are changing. I am coming into my own I suppose and realizing what I do and don't want out of life. Some tough decisions are going to have to be made, but I feel I'm ready to make them. I have also realized that holding on is often times as difficult as letting go. The future is so uncertain, but there is one thing I know for sure...I want to be happy. I don't know if this new job will fulfill me, or if going in another direction is the right thing to do. All I know, is that the only person in control of my happiness is me. I'm currently in talks with myself over my destiny. I will update you on the negotiations soon. :)