Monday, Monday

I have one more day to study and re-learn everything I've learned all semester. Aahhhhhh! Actually some of it's coming back, but it's the numbers...those stinkin' lab values and the normal ICP, BUN, GFR PEEP, MAP, etc, etc etc that's getting to me. When you work at the hospital, the lab report has the normal values on there along with the pt's values so you can get an idea of what's going on, so why must we memorize over 200 lab values? I just got this sick feeling in my stomach, a feeling of panic about tomorrow. I know I can miss about 70 questions on a 100 question test and still pass the class, but who's to say I won't miss 70? Surely not, but you just never know. This semeser I felt like I've failed every test the second I handed it in, and I usually came away with an A, so there's no telling how tomorrow will go. We'll see...i'll update you and let you know. If for some reason I don't update, it's because I'm probably laying on the floor in a fetal position crying my eyes out. So let's hope I post.

The drugs....we needs to know about 200 drugs as well, along with their contraindications, the interventions, what they're for, when y0u take them etc... I'm surprised they didn't hand us the Davis Drug Guide and tell us to take it home, memorize it and come back next week to be tested on it....sheesh. I really hate the renal system, there are about 15 disorders and they all have nephro in it. Trying to distinguish between them again is making me nuts. Glomerulonephritis, Nephrotic syndrome, Nephrotoxicity...you get the picture. Oh, and don't forget Neuro... MS, Huntington's Disease, Myasthenia Gravis, Lou Gerrick's, and I can't even remember the rest. You see? How am I to remember all of this stuff? Our test covers.. Lower GI, Oncology, Male reproductive, Immune, Integument, Renal, Neuro, Psych, Math, and I'm sure something else important I've left out. I don't have a short term memory anymore. I think I'm getting alzheimers. My son came in the room the other day and I asked about his day. Then I asked again and he told me I already asked. I didn't remember. My mind is too full to remember what I said 5 minutes before, what I had to eat, or if I even ate at all and if I remembered to put a bra on in the morning. Yes, this actually happened. No, I didn't forget to wear it, but I grabbed my chest in a moment of panic wondering and that's scary. I've had nightmares that I failed tests. I've had nightmares that I slept through a test ...I'm sure this is all just a part of being a nursing student and that we've all done this from time to time, but it doesn't make it less horrifying. There is so much riding on every grade and every exam. My shoulders are heavy with the weight of it all...no wonder I've been getting so many tension headaches.....

Moving on....do you ever think to yourself..I hope I don't die before I graduate? I sometimes do. That would suck! Missing out on life for 2 years for a degree and not even getting to graduate. Ugh! Yes, I know, I'm all dark and twisty inside. What of it? I'm just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I don't want the light to go out before I get there ok? This test tomorrow will determine whether or not I'll be a senior. It will also mark the beginning of summer break and the enjoyment of my summer will all depend on this exam tomorrow. I'm going to think positive for a change. I will pass, I will pass, I will pass. There, now let's see if Oprah was right. If not, she'll get a strongly worded letter from me very soon.

My blog is looking all funky. I've messed with it so much I don't know what I've done at this point. Once school is out I'll have time to tweek it some more, until then it will just have to be a little off. It's kinda cute though right? Really girly. I will probably change it all again soon just because i'll get bored. What will I do without having to study.....ahhhh the life. I'm going to feel really off for the few weeks after school, as I always do, then I'll settle in nicely to being normal. Just when I get settled is usually when class starts back again. Ha.

Well, I'm going to go lay in the sun, drink a pepsi and study. I wish you all luck with your exams, wish me luck too!

Peace...