Say Hello to My Little Friend

Meet Cam:



Cam is my bestest friend, my source of inspiration, my lover and my closest confidante. I could hug him and squeeze him and kiss him and just keep him with me forever and ever. Cam goes with my where ever I go, he's my buddy. Cam is my most beloved camera. My graduation gift....the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT 350D.

I love photography and have wanted a digital SLR since before they existed and now I have one. ( jumping up and down with glee) I got him in December. I just wish I had more time to play with him. I still haven't learned all of his ins and outs, but will sit down for a major study session very soon. (keep your dirty thoughts in check people)

I believe some new photos are in order. Here are just a few that I like. I have thousands from our trip, but that would take forever. I haven't uploaded any new photos on here in ages...so check out some of my and Cam's work below: p.s....the reason there are so many of my youngest is because he doesn't run screaming everytime I bring Cam out to play. Ha. Also...how difficult is it to take vacation photos without getting some tourists big ole head in the frame? Let me answer that......VERY!


Click on the image for a larger view.

This is a picture of my son and I at Daytona Beach during his Make-A-Wish trip.
At the airport.
























































On top of my new camera...I also got something else I love with all my big, red beating heart....Photoshop CS4!!!
Below are some things I created using PS by blending images and using paintbrushes. Check-check-check em out:



Before, a picture of a forest that I found on the internet:



After: It's very whimsical. I wanted it to look as though she was scooped up and taken from home. Poor little fairy. he he he he.


One of my regular beach photos from Daytona-Before:





After: How fun! It's Goonie-ish. I added the pirate ship (obviously) by blending it into my normal picture. I also added the clouds with my paintbrushes.



I made this using only paintbrushes, meaning it's a painting, no images were used. It was fun to make. I imagined a place where I'd love to be...and voila! On a hill at sunset, she's probably daydreaming or something. LOL @ myself. You can laugh at me too...it's ok.


Added plane and lighting...


Used paintbrushes only. I love this and am proud of it. :) It's much more detailed up close.


This makes me laugh...but I like the colors.


My homage to Sex and the City:


Just because:



Well, I hope you liked some of my photos. Have a fantastic day... and go do something creative!

From a Newbie to a "Pro"

I actually had fun at work last night. It was interesting and unusual. I had an awesome team of patients, by awesome I mean...undemanding, no pain complaints and some were there only for observation purposes. Sometimes it's nice to have a little break from the normal insanity that is my unit.

Recently, we have had a lot of experienced nurses leave from night shift to move onto other jobs. This left (abandoned) us....all the "new" nurses with the seniority on night shift. Is that scary or what? Next week some time I may be in charge. I'm not ready to be in charge or have my license on the line because our floor is so unstable right now. I have been seriously contemplating leaving because I don't want that much responsability...until I got the ole guilt trip last night.

My supervisor approached me and asked me not to leave...as if she'd been reading my mind! She said she needed nurses on the floor with our experience (meaning the only experience left) and who know what they're doing (she thinks we do). I admit....I do know a hell of a lot more then I did 10 months ago, but I am no where near close to knowing it all...or knowing enough to be a charge nurse. Because we are the more experienced on the floor, we are no longer clasified as "new". Does this mean I can't lean on my new nurse crutch any longer? Damnit! Basically, we have no one to turn to now. We are the people the others turn to for help! (shiver)

So, as not to confuse my GIGANTIC (HA!) audience, I will not call myself a new nurse anymore because we have a bunch of real fresh newbies on the floor...I mean...fresh out of school, scared, overwhelmed and flailing. They have their new baby skin that will soon become hardened to the realities of nursing.

Last night I worked with one such nurse and felt so bad for her. It was her first time on her own, poor thing, and she was stuck there with all of us. She actually cried and my nurturing side wanted to hug her because it wasn't so long ago that I'd skip off to the bathroom and shed some tears myself. BUT, being "experienced" and all, I knew the best thing I could do was to help her as best as I could and let her know she wasn't alone. Our floor is scary. We have some pretty sick folks and at any moment bad things could go down. It can be extremely overwhelming.

She had 2 patients come to the floor back to back, one had a Hgb of 6 so she needed blood. Giving blood is a daunting task in itself. There is a lot of paperwork and attention needed. Not to mention that they could have a bad reaction.....oy! On top of that the woman wasn't voiding and needed a catheter. She asked for my help, so we went in and I helped guide her in the right direction. "Little more to the left, a little right, OOPS, not there!" He he he. Hey.....I'm a female and I didn't know where it went the first time either....it's hard to find ok? The best way to learn anything is to do it. I have never learned by just watching. So now she can say she hung blood and put a catheter in...not to shabby for her first night eh?

I remember wonderding why I had chosen that particular floor to start out, but as many say..it is the best one because it's where the experience is. If you want to get the technical and assessment skills down...work on a med-surg floor!

I read an article yesterday on the MSN homepage that said nursing was one of the recession free careers. It's true...you will always have a job in nursing. Actually...we have a lot of spots open...come work on my floor. :)

p.s. Administrators pay attention....pay us more, we deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And So the Lion Fell in Love With the Lamb

So I read this little, unknown book recently. Y'all know how much I love to read and I couldn't resist a tale about a vampire falling in love with a human and grappling with his overwhelming desire to kill her. Sigh...How romantic! Perhaps you've heard of it....Twilight??
Anyhow, I'd heard that it was compared to Harry Potter but it was more for the teenage set. I thought to myself.."Well I loved Harry Potter and it was for "kids", so I may enjoy this too." Um, no. It certainly doesn't compare to Harry Potter in any way. The only way it may compare is the fact that millions of teenage girls are OBSESSED, I mean OBSESSED over this book series. Only comparison.

First of all let me say that I think the storyline was good, not great. Vampires living amongst humans and going unnoticed (almost). You have to admit...that's a pretty cool plot and you could do so much with it. What I have issue with is the writing. It's just um, not so good. As I was reading it, the minimalist writing style kept jumping out at me and tearing me away from the story itself. It seemed too simplistic and dare I say elementary, but it was written for teens... I kept thinking how I could make the story better. Not that I could, just sayin'. If I'm thinking this as I'm reading, then who else must be thinking the same thing? BUT I see how the teenage crowd would like it...every other page there are longing glances, getting close but not too close, starting at each other's mouths, the anticipation of whether or not he'll drink her blood that he craves beyone anything else in life.......sexy.

JK Rowling wrote with a flourish, describing every detail so that you can see things so clearly your mind's eye. Each character was described and well defines so that you felt as if you knew them personally. In Twilight, all I kept hearing about Edward Cullen (the aformentioned hungry vampire) was how beautiful he was. Beautiful like what? Like Gerard Butler beautiful? Beautiful as in angelic? Devilishly beautiful? Long and lean or muscular and strong beautiful? What the frick kind of beautiful was he???? TELL ME DAMNIT! I knew he had brown hair and amber eyes, but knew nothing of his face. Because I didn't know, I kept imaginging Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe Du Lac enter the room and give bedroom eyes to young Bella and it just wasn't working for me...arg! I like to know what my characters look like before anything else. Otherwise I make them up in my head (Brad Pitt) and then my vision is skewed ruining the whole damn thing. Not that he is a bad image to have stuck in your mind, but still. Thank goodness the movie is coming out so now I know what Edward & Bella really look like, because she wasn't described well either. All I remember about Bella was that she was pale and had dark hair and I couldn't help but wonder what a man like Brad Pitt would want with a plain little girl like that. Ha!

Now THAT my friends is some beautiful vampire right there! (look up) Oh and by the way....this man (Robert Pattinson) also played Cedric Diggory in HP and the Goblet of Fire. I thought he was very sexy but kept it to myself because he was only in highschool (Hogwarts) and I am not a pervert! Geez!

Speaking of descriptions, I can alsmot recall Jk Rowling's description of Harry Potter to a tee when I first opened the book many moons (ha) ago. Don't quote me on this, but....he had dark untamed hair. A scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightenting bolt, green eyes just like his mother's. Round glasses that were held in place with a piece of tape. He was scrawny and wore old hand me down clothes that didn't match.

See......describe a little better from now on mkay Stephanie? Thanks a bunch!


Ok, enough of Edward's unearthly beauty. I generally liked the book. I admit it held my attention, not to mention that I read it while our power was out during the "hurricane"...in the dark while everyone was sleeping...so the creepy factor of the book went way up. I love the idea of Bella giving up everything for Edward, even though she knew he could kill her at any moment. I also like the twist in the story about the werewolves also living amongst the regular folk and how these two species/animals are co-existing, but also want to kill eachother. It definately keeps the anticipation level up. I was ready for him to bite her neck already and make her immortal, but alas, I have no patience.

Some of the things about the book bugged me to no end. I understand that Mrs. Meyer was trying to give her own interpretation of modern day Vampires. Ex: driving sports cars, wearing normal designer clothes, listenting to cd's, which is all fine and good....but it's a little too late to completley change our views and squash all myths and legends. What I am saying is that I want a little of that black cape wearing, coffin sleeping, superpower having, cliched vampire too! When the bad vampire (can't remember his name) lured Bella into a place to kill her, why did it have to be a stupid ballet studio IN PHOENIX ARIZONA (?) that in no place in the book held any significance? Dumb, dumb, dumb. This moment was built up and it takes place in a well lit, mirrored ballet studio? Pu-lease! What about that creepy set of woods on the edge of town that loomed over the city in dark mysterious fashion throughout all of the novel? How bout having some killing going on there? Hmmm?

Then, when the guy gets mamed...we don't see it cause Bella passes out. Booooo! I want to see some maming and bloodshed alright? I'll probably get some rants from teenage girls from this post. "Like, you're an adult and this book isn't even like for you and like Edward is so sexy and how dare you call Bella plain? Your mama's so fat she has planets orbiting around her and like you're just a ho!" He he he.

Overall, the book was good, but I have yet to read the sequals...maybe after I watch the upcoming movie I will venture on. I think as far as plot line, she hit the jackpot and I wish I'd had this idea before her....gosh darn it anyway! For a first time author she did good...let me not to forget to give credit where credit is due because if the book sucked horribly I wouldn't be sitting here talking about it, now would I?
Speaking of the movie...I am excited to see it, but will not be one of those who is
standing in line on opening night wearing fake fangs and pale foundation. Um...no. Here's the official trailer. Looks pretty good, ya think?


Onto other topics...I'm back to work tonight after a little over a week off. It wasn't a vacation, just the way the schedule fell and I wasn't about to complain about it, but it makes it that much harder to go back. You never know what you're going to get when you walk in there. I always assess the dayshift nurse's faces when I walk in to determine how my night will be. I also check out the rooms....empty =bad. Empty beds means middle of the night admissions which = long and crappy shift. Boy, I just can't wait!

One of the worst kind of pt's to have is an alzheimers surgery pt who is on the Mary alarm. If you aren't familiar with the alarm allow me to explain...it's a bed alarm that goes under their bottom and anytime they try to get up Mary Had a Little Lamb plays loudly awaking all the other patients and works on your already frayed nerves. When someone has alzheimers, this alarm may sound 100 times in a night. You have to run in there because for all you know they could be hanging upside down while their foot is caught in the bedrail or wandering into the hallway pulling their IV line like a dog leash. On top of that, many times they are trying to pull out their NG tubes, Jp drains, Iv's, catheter's etc and are often times successful and you are spending the majority of your time putting these things back in. Many of them also have MRSA and that's a real hoot! "Hold on Mr. Doe...let me gown and glove while you flail on the floor in a pool of blood because that is protocol!" Sometimes you just have to laugh because if you didn't you may find yourself on the floor with them, curled up like a fetus saying Why...Why...WHY?

I had a pt last week who had alzheimers and thought we were trying to set him on fire while we were trying to reposition him. He kicked me right bewteen my breasts and knocked the wind out of me for a good long while. I had my ID on and he hit it squarely....it saved me from getting the sharp hook of his heel in my xiphoid process. Guess you could say I was saved by the badge. Note to self...If I am every choking, I will go stand at the end of his bed.

You also get the "drug seekers". I use to hate that term...but it is one of the more predominant of patients. "My pain is a 10." click, click on the remote with a calm drowsy drug enduced glare. "Can I get my dilaudid 1 mg q hour prn for pain? Oh, and I'm allergic to Morphine, Lortab, Percocet and Demerol." Me: "Well, what kind of reaction did they give you?" Them: "They just made me feel funny." I once had a pt who got 100 demerol IM & 12.5 of phenergan IM q hour and was also on a dilaudid PCA. WTF! I know surgery hurts, but not that damn bad people! They really think we don't know, but we do...we do.

The majority of my pt's are good ones...who's goal isn't to run you to death with little errands such as warm blankets and banana popsicles. We don't have blanket warmers on our units people!

It's funny how the nurses and other staff have come up with things to eat while they are up all night. For instance you can make coke floats, mix sherbert, orange juice and sprite together for a nice little wedding punch, the peanut butter in a squeeze tube isn't bad either...or so I've heard. Or you could also have downtime where you put redbull in small plastic medicine cups and take pictures of people "taking shots" to stay awake and leave them on the printer for the dayshift staff to see. OR you could have water fights with normal saline syringes and run around the halls playing hide and seek. But I've never done any of these things, that is just so wrong and childish, not to mention UNPROFESSIONAL! ;)

Alrighty people....enough of the talky talk. I'm off to do some things then get ready for work. Think I'll wear my cheezy Halloween scrub top tonight. I bet all the older people will appreciate little black spiders dangling from their cute little webs.

Aurevoir!

A Very Boring Blog

So I went to the Dr yesterday and totally forgot to mention it in my all consuming blog about my boyfriend Barack. My tests were all normal...including my thyroid tests. Before I went, I researched this and discovered that a lot of times your levels will show normal even if you have a thyroid issue...um scary. So now I will go for scans and the like and they'd better some up with something gosh darnit! My mind is not fabricating these problems. I am not crazy, I swear! Ok, maybe a little, but not crazy enough to imagine these things.

I Am In Love....

I have a confession to make...I am in love with another man and his name is Barack "Steve" Obama. Please don't tell my husband as he isn't a big fan of hope, progress and change. (he he-snicker) I love Barack and everything he stands for. I love his charisma, passion, sense of justice, policies, courage, grace, humility, diplomacy, patriotism, brilliance, his wife and his 2 adorable girls....I just love him, I do. It's not because I am a democrat, which I am, it's not because everyone loves him, and most do, and it isn't because I am on the "band wagon". I think he is honestly one of THE best choices for a Presidential candidate that this country has ever seen in history. When I see him on TV or on the Internet I have to do a double take. I want to listen to every word he has to say. I am listening and he has my attention.

I feel he is honest, has an incredible amount of integrity (Washington can take lessons!!!) and is intelligent enough to deal with any foreign leader and invade Iran or Afghanistan if needed for the RIGHT reasons and in the RIGHT way. Not only that, but the man is such an inspiration to me. His background and upbringing never dictated his circumstances. He chose to be the man he is. He believed in his self and achieved so much against unbelievable odds. That says so much about his character and measure as a man. He is the image of the American dream and I admire him so much. :-)

Like he said...no, he wasn't born in a manger, but on the planet Krypton (ha ha)....ya know, I can almost believe that. lol


Honestly though, I take this election so seriously and have really done my research and weighed the candidates and have come to this conclusion based on the fact that we share the same wants, beliefs and dreams for the country. Not because I am not a republican. I am open minded enough to know not to vote for someone just based on my party's beliefs, religion or race. Although, I know SOOO many who do that. I'm not one of them. I also know many republicans who are sick and tired of things and are voting for Obama....it will be the first time they have crossed their party's lines. Wow, that's saying something. I had a pt the other night who was talking politics and she said she was voting for McCain because Obama was a terrorist and a Muslim. (!!!!!!!) I bit my tongue so hard that it hurt for a few days. Even if he was a Muslim... and he isn't...so what? It's the Taliban and other extremists that have tainted the Muslim religion. Get real people. It is that close minded, bible belt, good ole boy attitude that has caused us to be in many of the situations we are in now. They voted Bush and look where we are. Regardless of my feelings, I still gave her good care (obviously), it just brought to light that sooo many people believe a lot of the malarkey that they read...and that, my friends, is scary and damaging to his campaign....much like the Ayers scandal. It is blown out of proportion and lots of people believe he is a communist. It's ridiculous to me that people believe everything they read.






I am not trying to sway anyone ;), I'm just telling you what I believe and feel, as this is my blog and I have freedom of speech...AMEN! The country is so divided and just plain messed up right now and if we don't take a stand and DO SOMETHING (VOTE) then we will have more of the same and as you can see folks....it isn't working and it down right scares the shit out of me. People all the time say....Bush may be aggressive, but he's kept our country safe since 9/11. Well, he has, but he sure didn't keep us safe enough from it happening in the first place, now did he? I will never be convinced that it was an attack that the gov't knew nothing about. They know everything...those "big brothers" of ours. Pfft. They may not have known when...but they knew it was coming.

As Barack said at a speech, (not verbatim), that he may have not been in Washington long, but he's been there long enough to know that it needs a change. I think he is that change. A CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN! There is just something about the man....something that cannot be taught or learned and that is his sense of leadership. I'd follow him anywhere because I trust in him. He has an energy and a passion about America that I have never seen.

John McCain is a great American hero. He deserves the utmost respect from any citizen and he has it from me 100%, but that doesn't make him qualified to be President either. He agrees with 90% of Bush's policies...the same man that has screwed over our whole entire country. The big dumb ass. Ugh. I like John McCain, I just don't like his politics. It's time for something new. Out with the "old", I say. And Sarah Palin...Golly Gee, Wally, Let's have Joe Six Pack and Joe the Plumber over for some moose steak and shoot up some animals and talk about "that one" and how he pals around with terrorists and (GASP!) Oprah okee? (Wink, wink. Done in my worst Palin impersonation). There are no words for that woman. Their own party is turning against them...I've never seen anything like it. Sigh.

As Barack said... and I quote..."There is not a liberal America and a conservative America. There is the UNITED STATES of AMERICA! There is not a black America, a white America, A Latino America, an Asian America, there is the United States of America!" There is no divide in his eyes. We are more alike than we are divided aren't we? We must work together to be one America and Barack Obama is "the one" to make that happen. Yes he's an idealist and dreamer. What's wrong with that? Where would any of us be without our dreams? Isn't hope, faith and dreams what gets us through our days? It's what we strive for. Without it our lives would be meaningless. I like ideas and diplomacy, especially since we haven't seen it in our government for years.

Wow...I sound so impassioned and guess what....I AM! :) I just want to see some change. I'm ready for it, the whole world is ready. We need it. This is a dangerous and scary time in our lives...what of our future? The future of our children and grandchildren? He believes in the needs of the real Americans...that is you and I...not just Washington and the upper class. We have a voice and we have to use it. I am so tired of the government deciding my life and the lives of the people. ARG. LOL

Just make sure you vote, whatever your beliefs. This election is so important. Also...check your facts. Don't rely on campaign ads or Fox news. lol Check out this website... www.factcheck.org It's a nonpartisan site that researches the facts and gives them straight. It's a good resource if you have questions. Anyhow...I've ranted and raved long enough and I hope that on November 4th you go out and vote. Be proactive. Stand up for what you believe in. :) Can we make it happen? YES WE CAN! :-)





Peace and much love,

Christy

HYPERcondriac? I Think Not!

So I am up. It's 1:30am and here I am. You never know with me. The last few nights I was in bed by 8 and up by 4...no lie. I'm not feeling so great tonight. I have to confess something...I am the worst example of a nurse known to mankind. I have felt horrible for months and have put it off and it's all catching up with me now. It isn't just the night shift thing, although I think that contributes. I have been having heart palipations, I'm tachy when at rest (120-130's!!!), may hair is falling out, my mentrual cycle is whack, my moods are horrible and I have a sensitive feeling in my neck/throat region that seems to build and makes me want to scream. I thought I was going mad until I researched these symptoms and it's just what I initially thought... I think I have hyperthyroidism.

My mom had Graves disease when I was in my early 20's...I am at a very high risk. She had the exopthalmus and everything and wore her shades in the house and refused to look at herself in the mirror without them on....it was sad. She is now better and her eyes are back to normal, but she keeps telling me she felt exactly the same when she got sick and thinking back on it....she was a moody, evil nightmare. Hey...that's me too! She got exopthalmus because she put things off too long...not me, not anymore, I can't take it. It's the worst feeling and it's so hard to explain to people, which is one reason I haven't went to see a dr. I have been having problems with my eyes. For a while I thought I may be hallucinating...I'd see grey spots, lights etc....now I know it's because they are strained. I am self diagnosing here. For all I know I could be going blind lol. Wait...that isn't funny at all. :( How do you explain this to a doc without seeming nuts?

"Um, doc...I have this funny feeling in my neck and I feel like I could run and sleep at the same time. I see flashes of light and my heart palipates when I lay down." I just don't want to hear the whole....you have anxiety bs. Yes I do....NOW that I have this freaking problem! One of the side effects of the disease is anxiety...how could you not have it when your heart races when you're nearly asleep? It's insane and makes me feel just plain awful that I could cry.

Tomorrow I am going to my dr and insisting they check my thyroid levels....if they aren't out the roof I will be so surprised. The sucky part is that there are no quick fixes for it (radiation & HRT). I am uncertain I can live with this feeling all the time. Here is my best explanation...you know that moment before you're about to have a wreck or you had a near miss and your body responds? Your adrenaline kicks in, you have a hot flash and you feel your body react? Well, that happens to me....while I'm doing nothing to precipitate it. I feel like my heart may just explode and have actually almost passed out and saw stars. It's starting to scare me and I have to do something.

As I am typing this, I am doing some deep breathing and the valsalva maneuver to try and slow my HR. It's currently 122........that's fast and I feel it. No, it's not anxiety...believe me, I've had enough of it to know the difference. Stress, worry, unbalanced diet and excercise can trigger the thyroid to act up and get out of synch and working nights has caused it to become worse. I have had all of those things....CHECK! I drink a lot of coffee, sodas etc to stay awake and it only makes my symptoms worse. It's a double edged sword. I am not a hypocondriac...this is real and it sucks.

I put my application in to some places today for day shift positions. This hasn't just become a want...it is now a necessity. I can no longer go on like this. I'm extremely fatigued (another symptom) and working nights does nothing to help the situation. Anyhow....I'm just wanting to spill the beans...I've neglected myself a lot and I can't anymore. I don't have time to be ill....I have far too much to do. Life is hard enough.....I need some peace.

Thanks for listening and I'll post about how my dr appt went.

p.s. Can I jsut say that I can't believe that I have had so many hits to my site even after I abandoned my poor wittle blog? So, to all of you who have visited from the good ole U-S of A, Germany, Dublin, Philippines, Peru, the UK, Mexico, Austrailia and everywhere else.....thanks for taking to time to read my boring tales. :-)

I'M ALIVE!

I should be sent to blogger jail. I've commited the worst blogger crime imaginable. I've not been blogging. Oy!

So, what have I been doing you ask? Well...I have been working and sleeping....A lot. That's it. I have no excuses, except perhaps uninspiration. Maybe I didn't want to blog about the realities of actually being a nurse, but I'm back now biotches so watch out! In the months that has passed I have been pretty busy. The highlight of my summer was our Make-A-Wish trip to Disney World for 14 days....it was awesome. I'll fill you in on that later and also upload some videos and pics from our trip. Aidan is doing great right now and started Kindergarten this fall, my twins are the same...silly little pre-teen boys and my oldest is going through puberty and sounds like a croaking frog when he talks. Other than that hormonal stuff, I've just been working a lot, reading some good books and actually have even taken the liberty to start writing one of my own....details later.

So I've been a nurse for 8 months now and have been at my job for 10 months....can you believe it? It's almost been a year...time flies when you aren't having any fun.
So what have I learned in this time? A whole hell of a lot. Let's start with the technicalities, shall we?

I really feel as if I'm getting a good grip on my job. I know what's expected of me, I have a routine, whether it's possible to maintain in the midst of the unexpected is another thing. Anything can happen at any moment which can knock you off your game, but that is nursing folks. It's never dull. Period.

Ok, so as you may or may not know, I work as a med-surg nurse doing all kinds of medical surgical stuff. ;) The majority of my patients have had some sort of GI surgery so we get a lot of colostomys, JP drains, NG tubes etc...you know, all the nasty stuff. In other words, I'm up to my ears in shit night after night. Before I rant about things I want to say that I am so glad I started on a med-surg floor. Nothing like being thrown to a pack of hungry wolves to start your nursing career. Seriously. It's sometimes the best way to learn and you get to do and see just about everything. I have friends who have yet to hang a bag of blood, put down an NG, monitor someone who's on telemetry or even put an IV in. No, they may not need to due to their fields, but I feel like I'm getting a more well-rounded education. I say education because it's a learning process...always. I love all the skills I get to perform and I'm getting a lot better at it and it makes me feel good about my abilities. I love sticking people!!!!!!!! lol I love putting IV's in...it's an art and you can either do it or not. Sometimes I suck at it, but for the most part I'm good at it....big props to me.

The "nursing" part I found was the hardest to learn...you know the caring, comforting, fluffing of the pillows sort of things. When you are a new nurse and you are overwhelmed and drowning, you don't have time to "be there". Your patient is a room number and a diagnosis who stays on the call light just enough to make you want to slowly poke at your eyes with an 18 gauge needle. Your job at that time is to make sure you get your meds passed, procedures scheduled, assessments completed, charts reviewed and that they stay alive, the other stuff comes later.

I don't know about you all, but I have a different learning style. I have learned things in chunks and sometimes a little light will go off in, my oh so tired, brain and I can recall something an instructor said or something I read in one of my nursing books. Ding, ding, ding! Maybe I did learn something afterall.
Slowly it all starts to come together and it depends on your learning style on how quickly you catch on.

Nursing is such a broad spectrum of knowledge and it takes a lot of practice, work and learning to be able to put it all together into one whole entity. Having said that, I feel I am just NOW grasping the entirity of the job. Now that I know my job (a little), how to do things without asking (for the most part, cause I still ask a shit ton of questions) I am able to be the more caring and compassionate nurse that I truly am. Of course I've always been caring, but learning to incorporate it into your job is a skill in itself. When you first begin, your goal is to leave with everyone still breathing.....who cares if they liked you or not or if you got them their sherbert in record time? You keeping them alive is more important. Rememeber .....PRIORITIZE?! That and organization is so essential in the role of a nurse and you'll learn your own way and get better at it as you go. Once you have the ability to do your job properly all the other stuff falls in line naturally and I am just now getting a handle on it. Shew. That was a mouthful.

Do I like nursing? I love it. Can't say I would have said that a few months ago. Are there nights when I never want to walk back through the door? Yes, but they are becoming more few and far between these days. It's much easier to like your job when you feel you have some clue of what you're doing. What I don't like is the fact that we're always understaffed, I barely get a real lunch break, shit happens in the middle of your smooth sailing shift that you aren't prepared for, I leave so exhausted that I feel like a zombie, I absolutly hate, hate, hate, hate nightshift...I feel like an old lady, my feet hurt, I run my ass off, I wipe lots of butt and I am always tired now. Do I still love nursing after all that? Yep cause it's not nursing I don't like...it's the realities of the job itself that makes my job harder than it should be. Insert reason for shortage here.

Once my year is up I am going to look for a day position somewhere else. I have put my time in, learned a lot and now I want to focus on a specialty. Something I can sink my teeth in and know what I'm walking into everyday. I don't like surprises and hiccups. Especially when I'm just getting comfortable. Anyhow....moving along...

I get nursing students ask me all the time...do you like it and the even bigger question...is it worth it? That is a loaded question. The money is good, I admit. I work part time...2 days a week/24 hours and I bring home a little more than some of my friends who work 5 days a week at an office type job. So, I can't complain about that now can I? I also already got over a dollar raise....not too shabby after 6 months eh? But, money isn't everything. If you're doing it for that purpose then you need a reality check, cause although it's good....you are going to work your butt off to earn every single cent that you make. You barely have time to sit and you are going to be working the graveyard (most of you) and yes, you'll feel like the walking dead. My schedule is so messed up that it's reeked havoc on my moods, hormones, eating habits and overall general well being....so if it's about the money run away now....fast.

When someone's life is in your hands you don't have time to sit and worry about other shit at work. You best be on top of your game and not screw up because not only is your license on the line every minute, but so is someone's life. That's a heavy burden to carry...for anyone. I don't like the feeling. It ain't fun, but I love making someone feel cared for and am now able to do my best to give them the best care I know how. I always think to myself....what if this were my family and that is how I try to approach everyone....even the patient who kicked me square between the boobs, yes it happened (alzheimers).

Integrity is so important as well. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want done to you. I have seen things I wish I hadn't...people dropping a med on the floor and picking it up and giving it to the pt. Anyone ever heard of MRSA? EEW! Those rooms are dirty as hell. I wouldn't let my dog eat off the floor. If you make a med error, such as I recently did for the first time....report it...even if no one else knows. Mistakes happen...just admit your fault and move on. I gave someone 25mg of Phenergan (oral) when all they were supposed to have was 12.5. I felt like such a tool. I got distracted (Sarah Palin was on tv)....it's so easy to do.....and just threw the whole pill in with his others. Now, if it were IV, I'd definately not have done that. Everyone knows you can never give that much phenergan IV. Shudder. Anyhow...it didn't hurt him or anything, but I still gave him the wrong dose and felt so bad, but he's ok and I'm ok now and I always double, triple, quadruple check everything. Damn Sarah Palin and her winking and Joe Six Pack malarchy. Speaking of that.....


Anyhow....the moral of this blog......always do your best because that is all you can do.


Onto other things.....(I'm covering all the bases) I am writing a book. I have wanted to for so long. I had a dream and it has stuck with me forever and I thought...why not write a book about it? I don't care if anyone ever reads it. I just know I wanted to write it, whether I am good at it or not. I'm taking my time with it because I want it to be the best of my abilities, if I have any. It's a love story that is set in the 1815-1830 era in England. I've been doing lots of research and reading other books to gain inspiration, but it's totally my own. If I explained the story you'd think it sounded dumb, but the story is about unrequited love, two souls searching for eachother, human emotion, betrayal, love, greed...all the good stuff. Ha.

I only have 4 chapters so far and I am fine tuning them to death. I may take me 15 years to complete...but I will complete it because it's my baby and I love it.

Alright....check back regularly cause I vow to blog atleast every week now, k folks?

I'm also going to update my page...it's mighty ugly.

Until next time.....

Long Time, No Blog

Wow....how long has it been since I blogged? I'm such a bad blogger these days aren't I? My excuse? I've been sleeping. That is all I do now that I work nights...sleep and when I'm not sleeping, I'm dreaming about sleeping. Working 3 nights for 13 hours, yes 13, will wear your body down, so I decided to go part-time and will only be working 2 nights a week soon and cannot wait. Can I also mention how nice it is to be a real professional and get a real paycheck? I'm loving that part of it. It's nice to make good money and really earn it.

My job is hard. I'm on a general surgery floor. General meaning most of the surgeries are GI...lots of colon resections, fem-pops, cholectomys, appendectomies etc. Mostly older people. I have used every skill that I have ever learned and love that aspect of it. It's very stressful and I'm not sure I'm cut out for the floor, it's definately not my passion, but once I put my time in...a year, I will look for another floor. One where I'm not so stressed at the end of the day.

Just wanted to throw out a quick update to let you all know I'm still alive. Let me know how school is going ok?

Promise to clog again very soon with something much more interesting....
Christy

Nursing is a Nasty Business

So I was helping a doc remove a chest tube from my young client. The other nurse grabs the tube to help him remove it and didn't secure the tip as it came out and chest tube drainiage went everywhere...including in my hair and it even got on my forehead. Can you say NASTY? I was so grossed out. Luckily I had on my mask with a shield, otherwise it would have gotten in my eyes or worse...mouth. EEEWWWWW! The rest of the day I felt so icky. It was awful. So the lesson of the day is....mask, gown, deinately glove and stand back when anything is being removed from anyone.

I start back on the night shift ON MY OWN on Tuesday. I'm glad....days on my floor is like trying to work in the midst of a crisis at all times. It's the most chaotic thing and it really works on your nerves. Nights are difficult too, but much more mellow and less INSANE! I'm very scared about taking care of a team all by myself and I will be driving people crazy with all the questions, but it will also feel good to have some independance too. I'll let you know how it goes...I'm sure I will have a lot, or nothing at all to say, depending on how it goes.

My first shift as a real RN!

First of all...thanks to all my blogger buddies for your heartfelt congrats. It means so much to me :-) Now that I have more time I will be able to check your blogs more and keep myself updated with how everyone is doing!!

My first day...well let me say I'm still in orientation...I have 2 more days and then I'm on my OWN! I am very nervous and am sure I will have some terrible nights, but I expect it, as I'm still learning everyday and am still very green between the ears.

Today was a little nutty. I'm finishing up my days orientation and as everyone knows...days is complete chaos and mayhem, especially on a surgery floor. New orders, people going to surgery, doctors coming in and out, people coming from surgery, therapists everywhere, students...they always make me smile. It was just yesterday you know? Aside from all of that, it felt SO GOOD to sign RN behind my name today. Everytime I did I felt like I was doing something illegal and would be found out. LOL It will definately take some getting use to, but in a VERY good way. I felt like I was cheesing all day...so corny.

When I first got to work I still didn't have my license number, but my boss came up behind me and handed me a paper with my license number on it. I don't think I've ever smiled so big in my life! She hugged me and congratulated me and that set the tone for the rest of the day. Everyone really made me feel special...they even put up a banner that read Congratulations Christy, RN! It made me feel soooo good and proud. I have never felt such warmth ,it was just awesome. I got my big ole RN badge and it felt like a medal of honor, I know it sounds so stupid, but that little plastic badge signifies so much in my life and I am damn proud of it too!

It's a very surreal feeling to have what you've wanted for so long, and to have really earned it! Only another nurse can really appreciate what it takes to become one and I am so grateful that atleast for one day, I was made to feel very special and appreciated. I will never forget it.

The goal is attainable with a lot of hard work. Never give up on your dreams, for anyone or anything, because the reward is priceless. I am a testament that anyone can have their dreams if they never give up.

Ok...enough with the ultracheez.

Peace & Love,
Christy RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Results Are In...

I woke up this morning knowing that the results would be posted on the pearson vue website. It still said "the results aren't ready". So I sat with myself in my quiet sleepy house and had a talk with God and told him that whatever will happen will happen and that I'm leaving it in his hands now. I also knew that by the time I was finished with my prayer the results would be ready and sure enough it read.."the results are in" so I went to grab my debit card and made the slow, knee knocking trek back to my computer. I typed in all the information, crying like a baby the whole time, prepared for the word "fail" and clicked the next button with my eyes covered. When I opened them all I could read was the word... "PASS"! I jumped out of my seat, ran to my husband, woke him up crying that I had passed. What a feeling. I am still in shock. God is good!

I PASSED....I'm officially an RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I Took This Little Test Yesterday...

When I woke up yesterday morning I had the feeling of someone who was waking to her death. I can't explain the feeling other than to say I was so scared I was numb. Going into the testing center was all a blur. I remember handing the lady my ATT (Authorization To Test) and giving her my drivers license then kissing my husband goodbye as if he was never coming back for me. He had this smile on his cute little face that read "I'm proud of you" but I didn't feel very proud at that moment. When he walked out I felt so alone.

There were about 5 other girls there...all looking a bit like me...terrible. So they handed me a form to read the rules of the exam, which basically said...nothing aloud inside except you...no watches, no gum, no phone, no purse, no nothing. I wondered for a moment if they may strip search me. I got a locker and a key and nervously put my things inside. I was so anxious I locked my locker before I even opened it. lol Then they call my name again and I had to have my fingerprint scanned about 5 times...they ain't playing y'all. Then I sat in the chair and they took my picture. No smile, no expression except a blank look of fear. The picture is worth a thousand words. Marlene Hurst said that our NCLEX photos would look like we had exopthalmus....mine surely did. It looks like a mugshot. Oy!

So I was motioned to enter "the" room. Before I walked in, there sat a lady...the "test proctor" she had a desk just outside the room that was glass so she could see everyone testing. She explained there were cameras and microphones recording our every sound and movement. She then handed me a dry erase board and had me scan my fingerprint to again verify it was me. I mean...it was me 2 paces before I got to the door....no one switched identities with me! Talk about a negative environment. I sat at my desk (I was in cubicle #4), she logged me on the computer and so it began. It started with the test rules and how to click and drag and crap. I was too nervous to read it so I just kept clicking next to get on with it. When the first question popped onto the screen I think I could actually hear my heartbeat and let me tell you it was beating HARD and fast! If I didn't take some slow breaths at that moment I may have had a heart attack.

I don't even remember the first question, but I do remember thinking that this was it and it was what I've come this far for....no pressure!!! It took me about an hour and a half to get to the 75th question...all of which were a blur. I closed my eyes and clicked next and opened them and there was question 76. GULP! So I won't be stopping just yet...it's ok...it just hasn't determined how I'm doing. Keep focusing Christy you're still in the game...

The questions were not as hard as I expected them to be, but I can't say that I got ANY correct either. That's the nature of the NCLEX beast you see? It is built up to be this MONSTER, a scary, angry, judgemental one too. When I say not as difficult, what I mean is...it may ask...who do you see first then give you 4 very hard answers to choose from. It's kind of straight forward, but the answers is where the beast lies. He hides in there and makes you second guess everything you think and I did second guess....everything. Sigh.

Around the 150th question I began to doubt my abilities. I knew the way the test is designed and I knew it hadn't made a definitve decision on whether or not I should pass or fail. If it keeps going, it means you are on that line and I felt the test teetering the whole time. For instance, I would get some really difficult priority questions and then I'd get a simple, no nonsense fact based question that let me know I wasn't doing too hot. That can make a person nervous and it did. The majority of my questions were priority, delegation and teaching. I had a handful of "basic" questions, about 8-9 drug questions (all of which I'm sure I got wrong b/c I suck at pharm) 2 calculation ones and about 5-6 select all that apply...hate those!

By question 180 I was beginning to get spent and upset, I opted out of all my "recommended" breaks because I was afraid I may run out of time, the clock doesn't stop for your breaks. My nerves were shot and I was hoping and praying that the damn thing would just shut off, tell me I'm a moron and send me home already with my dunce cap. It seemed the more questions I got, the more nervous I became and the worse I felt I was doing. SIGH!!!!!! I felt like the test was trying to pass me, but I just wasn't complying. It was laughing at me...let's give her more more MORE! The damn clock just kept ticking away and it didn't help that the girl in the cube next to me had to clear her throat 1000 times! I've never had the urge to smack someone as much as I did yesterday.

Question 200 had me thinking I would just fail. I lost all confidence and b/c I was worried I would run out of time I started reading the questions and answering more quickly. Looking back, I wish I hadn't done that. I was so anxious and brain fried that I was to the point of hyperventilating and feeling like a big failure. I get to question #221 and it was about something very close to me...think hard y'all cuz I can't tell...it's against the law and you all know I am a law abiding citizen. (wink) It was a priority question. Anyway..I thought...SURELY I can answer THIS question...so I submit my answer and the damn thing shut off. Screen black, heart pounding, tears stinging the back of my eyes. I prayed so hard that it would shut off and when it did I felt like a bumbling fool. A part of me wanted it to go on so I could "prove" myself some more, but I also felt a sense of relief to just get the hell out of that rat cage. I raced through the survey at the end, don't even know if I told them I was a female or not. I fumbled in my locker and said something to the test lady that I don't recall and walked out the door.

Outside the door was a very long hallway that I don't even remember walking down a four hours before. It seemed to take me FOREVER to get to the end...dead man walking...that was me. I call my husband and can barely form the words...come get me. I had no words for what had just happened. It felt like a disaster and as soon as I got in the car I cried and didn't stop until I got home. I am almost certain I failed. I was too nervous and wasn't able to think clearly. All of my preparation, everyting I knew went out the window when I sat down at that computer...along with my common sense. I feel so ashamed that I let my fear take control of me and possibly ruined things for my family.

I don't yet know how I did and almost don't want to know. I know that "everyone" thinks they fail...that's the NCLEX way, as they say...but I really, honestly, truly think I did and I could just cry right now thinking of it. I screwed up...I got too anxious and my brain just shut down. I don't want to go through this again and am so jealous of those who pass the first time. I've already chalked it up that I failed and the wait to know for CERTAIN is one of the hardest waits...it's sheer torture. I've checked the pearson vue website all day and it only says "my results aren't available at this time". I know it usually takes 48 hours, but still...I just want to know so I can have my pity party then move on. Who knows, maybe God has other plans for me....atleast that is what I am telling myself.

Anyhow...I just wanted to share. I should know something by tomorrow if the quick results show up over the weekend...if not, it will be Monday. Ugh.....hope your NCLEX expereince is much better than mine. If I have any advice to give any of you it is to REMAIN CALM! Don't freak out like I did. Just don't...

STRESS!

I take the NCLEX this coming week....I'm so nervous that I've been tachy, had GI distress, heart palpitations and I need a xanax ASA freakin' P! Everyone that I've told says....you'll be 'fine'. How in the hell do they know? If I don't know if I'll do well, then how does anyone else? I admit it...I'm scared out of my mind. I don't feel ready, can't think straight because of the anxiety and just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like my head is going to explode with all of the info I've been cramming in it. HELP!

Everyone has passed except one person and I feel so bad for them I could cry. I have this sinking feeling that I will be in their shoes....UGH!

(Don't read further if you are just starting nursing school!)
If I knew that nursing school was going to cause this much stress I might not have done it. Ever since ns I have become a changed woman....a majorly stressed out, OCD germaphobe freak. How do you learn 2 years worth of material at once and how does someone sit down for THE most important exam of their life and be cool, calm and collected? I don't have any of the answers (literally!).

I've been praying, but it isn't helping. I've tried deep breathing and the like...NADA. I'm just nervous as all get out. I know this sounds so silly, but just wait until it's your time to take this test....then you'll understand...yes you will. Sigh.

I'm trying to think positive, but it's hard when you feel unprepared. The thing is...how do you prepare for this? For the next few days before the test I am doing nothing but questions....questions and questions until I puke knowledge.

So far I've covered med-surg, psych, maternity, delegation and I need to complete peds. So far I feel like I don't remember anything I read. Normal lab values....PFFT! Unless they are the most common....forgetaboutit! Anything I would have to memorize...stages of labor, Erickson's, growth and development....whatever...it ain't happening. I haven't the patience. GUess we'll find out soon enough how well I do...

Just say a prayer....not that I pass, but that I'm calm enough on test day to even think about what the questions are asking, because right now...I can barely even type.

Ok...enough of my rant. Hope all is well ;-)

Still waiting...

So I've been studying for the NCLEX... Basically I've done a lot of questions and am going over the Hurst material. I will probably schedule the test on Monday...YIKES! From what I've been hearing the earliest test dates are late March so I may have to keep waiting. I just want to get it over with already... regardless. I hate waiting for anything. I'll keep you informed on the latest.

Aidan is in the hospital now. He has a virus and keeps spiking temps. Please say some prayers that his temperatures go away so he can come home soon.

Peace and Love

This Season on American Idol....

So last night I was in the middle of a dead sleep and I was awoken by this voice singing in my ear:


From a coma to awake...I was like who dat? This 16 year old has one of the prettiest voices I've ever heard!!! I had to wake up just so I could rewind (love the DVR) and watch it again. I love him already. If he doesn't win American Idol, it won't matter, he will have a career. What a sweetheart too. :)

Also...is it just me or does American Idol have the best talent EVER this year? They have such a wide variety of talent too. Last year I barely watched...this year I won't miss a show. I'm getting excited!

I got bored and cut off my hair...

Can I just say that ever since I started getting closer to taking the NCLEX I have had more and more anxiety and GI distress. Ok...maybe a little too much info, but it's true! I am not going to say exactly when I'm taking the boards ecxept to say it will be in the next few weeks. I'm sooo nervous....anyone out there who can give me some advice?????????? I need some MAJOR reassurance right now folks, Mayjah!

I'm still doing orientation, believe it or not, couple it with working the night shift and you get one tired old woman. (Insert my photo here). Last week and this next week we are learning about EKG's and will be tested over it. I thought I was done with tests....geez. Oh.. and because of my nerves I went and got most of my hair cut off... 7 inches!!! I probably shouldn't have, but was ready for a change and I guess I was bored. I know, I'm weird. It's till long enough for me to put in a pony tail...which is essential for a low maintenace girl like me. I'll post a pic soon. I look different. :/

I've been keeping in contact with my school friends and most of them are taking or have already taken the NCLEX and all have passed so far. There are only about 7-8 people left to take it, myself included. I just can' get past my nervousness. I need to stop it so I can FOCUS! Ok...onto studying now....

NCLEX Horror

Almost everyone in my class has taken the NCLEX and passed! I'm happy for them, but somehow it just adds more pressure for the rest of us to pass. I will be taking mine by the first week of March and LORD I am so scared. I wish I could take it earlier, but in Kentucky you have to have 120 hours of 'floor time' before you can sit for boards and mine will be finished next Wednesday, but that's too soon. I want to give myself a couple of weeks to prepare and atleast feel ready. Everyone says it's sooo hard and indescribable...well shit! Just say a prayer that I can pass this. I need this monkey off my back!

I'm Going to Disney World!

Starting a new job is always difficult, whether it's something you have a degree in or if you're a Piggly Wiggley grocery bagger. Learning everything is a battle and can make you feel quite stupid for a while...especially in healthcare when there are so many rules.
Rule Number 1- Know what the different dr's like or else you may get chewed up and spit out.
Number 2- If you don't know...ASK!
Number 3- double check everything, then double check it again.
Number 4- Don't assume you know anything, because you don't know Jack.
Number 5- Throw out everything you learned in nursing school, it doesn't apply here. Number 6- The pt isn't always right, but you have to pretend like they are
Number 7- No matter what nastiness lies underneath the dressing...don't make a face, no matter how bad you want to.
Number 8- Don't ever just 'wing' it.
Number 9- Don't take everything someone says and go with it..some people don't know any more than you do.
Number 10- Be careful what you say. If you don't know something, don't pretend like you do.

Damn, all those rules make me a bit paranoid and those are just a few little things.
I go back to work tonight and am apprehensive...like I said, until I'm comfortable work will probably seem like the fire pits of Hell. Currently I am a little too warm.

I recommend someone getting a job at a hospital prior to becoming a nurse for the simple reason to know what's going on. Not only am I trying to learn the job of a nurse and all the responsability that goes along with it, but I'm also learning the job of the ward clerk, CNA, shrink & teacher. Nurses wear many hats and you will have to use all of them at some point. I have already. I've already had to call a code too, a code Green that is...SECURITY! Life on the night shift is a crazy one. Lots of sundowning happens and when it's a full moon....forgetaboutit! I have 3 pt's to myself tonight...I'll let you know how it goes...so far I've done so much:
Trach care, suctioning, NG irrigation, IV starts, dressing changes, administering blood products, TURPS...who knew that all those skills I learned I would actually use? Hmm..I guess all the stress wasn't for nothing. It's a lot different when you're doing it on a REAL person because when you're suctioning them...THEY CAN'T BREATHE! The mannequin, AKA Pat, never made a face when I suctioned his trach...what a crappy mannequin he was. Pfft!

On a good note....my son Aidan got apporved for Make-A-Wish and in July we're going to Disney World on his request! To visit the website go to: www.wish.org We're so excited for him and the other boys too. It's an all expense paid trip complete with air-fair, lodging, car rental, VIP Disney passes (meaning we can cut in line-WHOO HOO!), and they give us spending money too. We NEED a vacation soooooooo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aidan really deserves this and we couldn't be happier for him than we are right now. To make it extra sweet, for Valentines Day my husband bought me my dream camera...a Canon 350 xt digital SLR! I'm so excited I can't even express it. I will be able to take a lot of great photos at Disney and those kinf of moments are priceless to me. I am just now getting back into taking photos and using my creativity. It's been so stifled over the past few years and it feels good to be able to enjoy a hobby for a change. I'm also loving me some Photoshop too!

Finally...I found some time to write a little blog

My poor widdle bitty bwog has been so negwected! Sorry folks for the long lapse. I've been too busy to blog honestly. If anyone out there still cares I just finished taking the Hurst Review for the Nclex. It was a good review in my opinion. She covered every system on the short version, the 'what you need to know for Nclex" version. I am going to pick up the book on Monday and start cracking. I'm so unmotivated lately! I just wish I could say I was an RN already and be done with it, but alas I cannot. I think my lack of motivation comes from the fact that the amount of info I'm going to have to re-cover is heinous, plus I'm just scared shitless. Several ppl in my class have already taken the NCLEX and passed, it almost adds more pressure on those of us who haven't taken it. Oy! It makes my stomach turn just thinking about it so let's move on shall we?

I'm so sad about Heath Ledger. OBVIOUSLY I didn't know him, but he was so young and beautiful and it's such a tragedy. I watched Brokeback Mountain recently, as my little tribute to him, and can I just say it is one of the most beautiful movies I have EVER seen...ever. Jack Twist and Innis Del Mar are some of the most in depth characters I ever had the pleasure to watch on screen. Some people are turned off cause it's obviously about a couple of gay cowboys, but it isn't really about that. It's a love story and it goes through so many emotions. Jake and Heath's performances were AMAZING...I'm just sad he's gone. The end of the movie....UGH...when he buttons the button on Jack
shirt then holds it to him...I cried like a big baby complete with hiccups and everything! His memorial service was beautiful....all of his family and friends, including ex wife Michelle Williams, all ran into the ocean at sunset..fully dressed...and played in the surf in his memory....awww! I think he would have liked that, atleast I know if it were me I would have liked it. :-)
Here's a little video tribute in honor of him:


Starting March 3rd I'm on my own at work and I'm scared. 5 patients all on my own...I don't feel at all ready for it, but I guess the only way to do it is to just jump in with both feet. So far work is going good. Some nights I leave thinking I made a mistake, other nights I'm sure it's where I am suppose to be. Until I'm confident in my abilities I will probably keep walking that line and I think it will be a very looooong time before I get there. I'll keep you updated on how it's going. Also check Aidan's site (see to your left for the link) for updates on him...he's doing really well :-) :-) :-)

Peace and Love,
Christy

Rat Race

OOPS she did it again. Britney's in a psych ward. That girl needs help. Moving on...

I've been working a lot of night shifts and with that I've basically been sleeping my life away. So far everything is going ok. By the time 4am rolls around I start getting really tired and have a hard time concentrating. I don't know what I'm going to do when I start to give report because by 7 am I feel like a zombie.

I'm learning a lot, but not enough to be on my own yet, which will happen in just a few short weeks. How scary is that? Every pt is high acuity meaning they have tubes coming out of places I didn't know possible. I'm not sure this type of nursing is quite my thing. What I am excited about is that I will learn so much. I fear it may take me a good year before I feel like I'm really getting it, hopefully sonner, but we'll see.

All next week I will be taking the Hurst Nclex review course. I will let you know what I think about it. After it's complete and my 120 hours are finished I will sit for my boards. My stomach does flips just thinking about it. I'm so nervous about that stinking test! So far, 4 people in my class have taken it and passed (they took Kaplan), so atleast I know it's doable. No offense to one particular girl, but if she could pass, I know I can.

Sleep Deprivation = Bitchy Woman

Happy 5th Birthday Aidan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Sorry I've not blogged a lot lately. I's a workin' woman now. Working the night shift really takes a lot out of you. It messes with your mind a lot. I hope that I get use to it because so far it kinda sucks. I like the job, I'm starting to kinda feel all nursey and stuff. Granted, I don't do much but watch, which I don't get cause I should be doing stuff and learning. I only have a few weeks until I'm on my own...what a scary thought. There are so many questions I still have that are unanswered, but I think some things just come with time.

Today was/is Aidan's b-day and because I'm so sleep deprived I'm not in much of a party mood, but I put on my smile for my baby. He had a nice day. We had dinner, opened presents and he played with his new toys. He's growing up so fast and it's bittersweet. No matter how big he gets, he will always be my baby boy. :-)

I did trach care last night all on my own, that was kinda cool. Most of the pt's on my floor have some kind of apparatus sticking out of them from somewhere. All things which are a little overwhelming to me. I hope that is something that will get easier with time as well.

Hopefully my family can get use to me working nights as well because so far they aren't doing a good job of keeping quiet while I'm sleeping. Being woken up after a few hours of sleep can make someone be a complete grouch. RIght now I feel like I'm in a fog. I worked the last 2 nights in a row which is technically working where the day rolls over so that's confusing too when you go to chart. Ahhh...it's all kind of nutty right now. Hopefully I can think of a more clever post when my mind is back in synch with my body. Until then...

Oh yea....the other night...1st pt attacks the nurse I'm with. Just another night in paradise.

Don't Eat the Jelly Beans

I worked Friday night and I dreaded going in, but once I got there I was fine and it was kind of fun. One pt we had was an older man who had a double amputation from both his knees down (previously). He was admitted because he was trying to open a bag of jelly beans and he couldn't so he grabbed his LIGHTER and caught the bag on fire...and what was left of his legs. Bless his heart. All for some jelly beans. I hope they were the good kind.

Every pt on the floor requires a lot of attention, so when you have 5 you're basically running your ass off the majority of the night. There is so much for me to learn that it feels like I'll never learn it all, but hopefully one day I will feel more comfortable. My preceptor is only 1.5 yrs out of nursing school herself and she's doing a great job, so it's something to look forward to. I think this is a floor I will learn quickly on considering you have no choice but to just dive in and get things done. Whether I will stay on this floor after my first year, I'm unsure, but if I do leave I'd probably be really bored considering.

Onto other news...Aidan will be 5 this Thursday!!! I'm so excited, yet sad. No one wants to see their baby grow up, but I'm thankful he is and hopefully we'll get to celebrate another 75 birthdays with him.

Hope everyone is doing great....let me know how nursing school is going!

Just some pictures

Hey everyone. Not much to report. It's been a slow blog week. I've been under the weather and have had to miss a night of work already....that probably doesn't look good, but this always happens to me at the start of something new. For the last few school semesters I have missed most of the first week because of illnesses...that's just how it goes in my life. Oh Bla Di. I can't really complain, cause I've been enjoying not having anything to do....probably a little too much. Tomorrow I'm back to the grind...MORE orientation! WOOT!

In my spare time I have been learning to use Photoshop and here is what I have done with some of the photos I've taken. Let me know what ya think:








































My husband calls this soft porn-ha!:

A Blast From the Past

Remember how cool Michael Jackson was before he turned white and his nose fell off? Aww, Michael, why are you so f*cked up? I blame his daddy.


We Are the World:

My First Night Shift

I did my first 12 hour shift lastnight. First of all, I love my new preceptor. She's really relaxed and fairly new herself (only 1.5 yrs out of school). We got on very well as we are both mild, mellow and roll with the punches. I did sense her getting overwhelmed with her pt's...most of them were pretty high acuity ones, but we managed to pull it off and everyone was well when the shift was over. What more can you ask for? I also got to start my night with my friend from nursing school, as shes working there too, so it was nice to see a friendly, familiar face. I can tell you right now that this floor will either make or break me. If you didn't know, I'm working on a general surgery floor with a lot of post-ops and medical pt's. The most challenging pt we had was an elderly man who had a fistula from his colon to his bladder. In other words, he had feces in his urine and urine in his feces. He had an open incision at the base of his pelvis that was packed with gauze, a colostomy on his left side, a JP drain on his right side and a nephrostoy tube on his back. Basically...his whole abdomen was opened and he had drains coming out of everywhere. Yes, I was very intimidated by that. While getting report I realized that I stopped paying attention midway through...it was just too much to take in. Thankfully, my preceptor was taking report. It concerns me that one day I'll be doing this alone...

I like the feel of the unit and the nurses all seem pretty friendly. However, everyone is so busy there is no time for hello my name is... Most of them are use to new faces, so mine was just another for them to smile at as they sped by. I spent most of the night following my preceptor around and giving meds. Soon I'll have my own pt's and will work a full day doing everything on my own. I pulled out a NG tube, that was fun. It's nothing really. This floor is nothing like the cake one I precepted on...it's (as Victoria Beckham would say...) mayjah! Don't get me wrong...I loved the floor I precepted on, but compared to med-surg, it's like night and day. There are no real "easy" pt's and it just makes me that much more excited. If I can handle this load, then I can handle any load. I'm excited for all that I will learn and do and hopefully I can manage it with grace and not become too hard. I know this floor will give me the experience I need as a new nurse so when I am certain of what I want to do, I will be able to do it as I will have so much experience under my belt. Who knows, I may love it so much I will want to stay forever....never say never.

I felt inhuman when the shift was over. At 4am I started getting really tired and I wasn't thinking as clear. Hopefully I will get use to this and won't start to drag so early. I went to sleep at 8am and slept until 4:30. I'm still tired. Basically, the day after your shift is spent sleeping, so you really don't have a day off. I think this will mess with me, as it already is. I don't like to lose time, especially not whole days. Hopefully I can pull off the 3 days in a row...I'm certainly gonna try.

Tomorrow's plans: More orientation and I can't wait! (rolling eyes).

Busy, Busy...

Tomorrow morning I have to go for my CPR recert and tomorrow evening I begin my very first shift on the floor. Yikes! I didn't find out about the cpr until today, so I need to refresh myself. I hate skilling in front of someone! It's so nervewracking. I also didn't find out about my schedule until today, so we have to do some major shifting around to accomodate my schedule...my husband isn't too happy. He'll get over it. Ha! I found out who my preceptor is, but I don't know her. My boss said she tried to pair me with someone who has the same personality as me...quiet and laid back. I didn't know I was quiet...but I am when around new people. Boy are they in for a surprise....he he he.

I'm not quite ready to start work. I flip flop a lot. One minute I'm ready to get started, the next I'm dreading it. I guess I know now that once I start work, that's it, there's no turning back. I hope I like my preceptor..I'll let you know tomorrow how the first night goes. I hope I can stay awake...

OH...I forgot to mention that I FINALLY finshed reading Gone With The Wind. It is cited by the New York Times as the "greatest american novel". It very well may be as it's the most "american" book I've ever read with the yankee's rebel yell and confederates marching in defeat and all. It took me near forever to get through the book as I only read one chapter at a time. I normally fly through books, but sometimes I had to sit with this one and let it marinate a while before moving on. The civil war era isn't my favorite time in history, but it was interesting reading about the time which is told mainly through Scarlett O'Hara's point of view. To address the slavery issue in the book, it made me uncomfortable, but for the most part the slaves in the story were almost treated like family, so it wasn't as harsh a read. Scarlet O'Hara is probably the most selfish heroine ever written on paper and so many times I wanted to smack her spoiled little self silly. Like Rhett told her...she was throwing happiness away with both hands and didn't even realize she was doing it...and she did and she lost, just when she realized what it is she really wanted from her life.

Scarlett lived her life on the surface of things....gowns, parties, beaux, flirting, barbeques, gaining attention and money then the yankees knocked on the south's front door and everything she thought meant anything was never more. The story is about how people deal with struggle, fear and tragedy. Some rise above and are strong enough to keep going, others falter and fade into oblivion. Only the strong shall survive, as they say, and Scarlett was a rock of strength and what drove her was poverty and hunger...oh and Ashley Wilkes, her sister in law's beloved husband. She finally got everything she wanted...money (thanks to Rhett), but she never understood the value of people instead of things... until it was too late. At the end of the book (and I hope I'm not spoiing anything because surely you all have atleast watched the movie before-gah!)when Rhett decides to leave her, he is so indifferent to her, he just "doesn't give a damn" anymore and that was one of the most heartbreaking parts for me because he is so full of life and loves Scarlett so much but she's too selfish and blind to realize it, then he's just over it, over her. I hated seeing his spirit broken more than I hated seeing Scarlet lose everything...she deserved it. It was also so hard when Bonnie (their daughter) died, I believe that Rhett died right along with her...so sad.

I enjoyed reading about the characters of the book as they were all so three dimensional, but the war part kind of bored me...I know, awful right? It felt redundant...the yankees are coming! the yankees are coming!...over and over. I guess she had to depict the story in a factual manner...so it took forever for the yankees to get there..dang. The backdrop of the book was beautiful, with Tara and it's red clay soil and sweeping willows, the booming and growing Atlanta, the gowns, parties, mint julips, southern gossip with the old crows...I guess I'm like Scarlet in a way....bored with war talk. I think that's the only way I related to her. Overall, I liked it and it's stuck in my mind a lot, that's always a good thing. Read it, but only if you have time...it's much too long.

Blah

My whole house is upside down. I'm painting. I hate painting. I live in an old house, it was built in the 30's and the entire interior is white. It's basically an asylum. We moved in one week before I started nursing school...it's obvious we've been busy as nothing has changed. It's time for change. I'm doing some recontruction, now that I have some extra time.

I have MORE orientation tomorrow. This orientation business is a little too much. We have to orient on how to lift, how not to restrain and how to keep a smile while waiting on angry people in pain and who are vulnerable. Sounds like heaven doesn't it? Wait...I do that at home..Ha, it should be a cinch.

Aidan is doing ok. He started a new chemo...it's a mean, nasty drug. He's so strong and brave. I watch him out of the corner of my eye every second and he notices. I get on his nerves. So, I'm learning to become a better pretender. I'd be a great spy. I pretend to be doing other things while inadvertantly assessing him. He worries me. Today he had a poopy and said it hurt his brain. So, I'm concerned about blood clots...it's a side effect. I told him not to strain, he doesn't understand. The steroid constiaptes him, so he can't help but strain...anyway...I'm talking about my child's poopy....I've hit a low point. He will be ok....one day at a time.

I don't know when I will start my job, I have to finish orientation first...who knows when it will end. More learning, more cramming....my brain hurts too. I bought the Kaplan NCLEX-RN study guide and will start that after the painting is finished. Ugh..I'm so scared of that test. It's always there, looming over my head like a big dark cloud. I did some practice questions out of the book and knew none of the answers...scary! I feel like I've forgotten everything already, let's hope not!

General Mood: Blah

First Day on the Job..not quite what I expected

So, I've been up late working on this blog. How ya like it? I may change it again...it's cute, but I have OCD and I will fiddle with it until I'm sick of it, then I won't mess with it for another year. Oh & guess what else? HTML is the devil.

I'm trying to get in the habit of the late nights since I'll be starting that schedule very soon. Oy! I figured...new year, new blog. I'm going to do major construction on a lot of things in my life this year. I'm not making resolutions, I'm just changing things. Resolutions are made to be broken and I don't make any promises I can't keep.

I showed my 13 year old my blog and his eyes got really big around. It's just a pin-up girl, it's nothing scandalous! 13 year olds & their hormones...good heavens. I hope everyone had a good new year celebration. I must say, mine was rather boring and uneventful. Maybe that's a precursor for what's to come in the new year, which is fine with me because I'll take boring and unevenful over crazy and dramarific any old day. I'm definately getting older. I'd much rather stay in than go out these days, unless it's for food or to spend money. Food and shopping are my favorite reasons to leave the house. What can I say, I'm boring & predictable.

I had to change my blog title...as I'm no longer a student. (WEIRD!) I kind of miss school, or the perks of it anyway. At school you paid them and not the other way around. Now I have to show up on time, be prepared and do my very best all the time....damn! Not that I was ever late (twice), but knowing that if you are late you will pay a price is much worse than knowing you can be late with no real ramifications. As i've said before...being responsible is sucky. I had my first day on the job on Monday where all I did was watch the unit clerk do her job. Literally...I watched and did nothing except get in her way at every possible moment. It was the easiest money I've ever made. Because I hadn't recieved my provisional license at the time of scheduling, I had to start as a unit clerk, no biggie... I have my provisional now, so I'm an RNA (registered nurse applicant). I actually have a big fancy title, but I'll be glad when that big ole A falls off the end!

So, about my first day. First of all, let me say that I found myself to be a little jealous of the unit clerk. She doesn't have her arms elbow deep in feces, she wasn't dealing with the cranky doctors, and I didn't see her running around like a chicken with her head cut off like the NURSES were. Nope, she just sat at her desk, made copies, answered phones, call bells & charted new orders....cushy. She did make sure to tell me that she would NEVER want to be a nurse because (and I quote) "their job sucks ass". Ahhh..the words every new grad wants to hear. It was like music to my pointy, green, virginess ears. BUT I did hear that it is a great floor to work on and that the night shift has the best group of people. That's kinda hopeful, right? Everone welcomed me and most of them were very friendly. I am excited and I don't care what anyone says...I think it's all about ATTITUDE and some people just have crappy ones which brings me to the question I've been dying to ask...why are some people assholes? Can't they just smile...it takes little effort and believe me when I say that your face looks helluh ugly with it all puckered and sour like that. Anyway....I will be a good nurse no matter WHO or WHAT is against me. Not that anyone is...yet...but there is always one person who likes to start trouble and from what I've heard (goodness...already??!!) there are a few that like to intimidate new grads. Don't be put off by my friendly demeanor. Beneath my sweet smile lurks a woman who isn't in the mood for your stinkin' crap! Wow...I let it all hang out there huh? Oops!

Besides all of that (he he) I am excited about starting my new job. I will find out tomorrow a little more about my schedule and I can't wait to write all about how it's going.

Till next time...
Peace & Much Love,
Christy

Reconfiguration in Progress

Please be patient as I update my blog. For purposes of boredom this blog's appearance may change at any given time. Do not fear, it will be finished soon. Thank you and have a good day.