January 3, 2009

I Hate Assholes!

I think every one of my patients had diarrhea the other night. I was up to my ears in shit. Literally. It's when you're dumping out buckets of poo that you realize what your life has become. Bedside commodes were invented by some asshole behind a desk who just wanted to gross us nurses out. It's bad enough that we have to wipe butts, but to then dump it's contents into a toilet and hope and pray that you don't get splashed...well, that's just plain mean! Alas, this is the reality of being a nurse. It's not all about comfort measures people. TMI? Yes. Welcome to my reality.

I also had a pt who had a prolapsed rectum, meaning it was on the outside and my job was to make sure it was put back in. Um, yes, you read that right. When she pooped and I cleaned her up, I had to gently push her rectum back in where it belonged. Ever seen a prolapsed rectum? It ain't pretty. Actually it scared the shit out of me! No pun intended.

On another topic...I have discovered since being a nurse that the whiniest and most complaining of patients is young people and men. No offense to any men out there, but you all whine an awful lot! I had a man the other day who had a lap chole and cried everytime he was moved a centimeter while the 94 year old women down the hall who's abdomen looked like it had been used as a medical experiment never even asked for a pain pill. It sometimes amazes me at some people's perception of pain. I know isn't our job to question their level of pain, as everyone's is different, but sometimes you just want to go... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I had a young pt the other night and she had all of her friends visiting and they were all laughing and carrying on and being stupid like young kids tend to do and as soon as they all left she was suddenly in excrutiating pain. Hmmmmmmmm. She didn't like her IV being in her ac. Well, those are the breaks sweetheart. I mean, she had no veins and I wasn't about to move her very patent and well flushing IV because she just didn't like it there. :/ No one does, but sometimes it's all we can do. Deal. Then she didn't like her flat pillow and asked for a fluffy one. We don't have "fluffy" ones, we have one size and that's it. This isn't Bed, Bath and Beyond folks. We get asked all the time for warm blankets too....sorry, but we don't have blanket warmers on our unit and NO I will NOT shove the blanket in the microwave and warm it up for you. Yes, I have been asked that before. Oy!

Speaking of assholes...I have also discovered that it's the patient's families who are more demanding than anyone. The other night I actually had a family member write down everything I said. For a moment I wondered if I was being interviewed. It's sort of rude. Oh and I really love those who seek you out in the halls EVERYTIME instead of just using the call light. I mean, seriously....is this necessary? Unless it's an emergency, do not iterupt me while I am drawing up meds for another patient and distract my concentration for some freaking jello. Okay? I think they just don't realize that we do have other patients who have just as many problems as their family member. It does get frustrating at times, but it's all a part of the job. I will be glad when I can someday have a job where I am not a floor nurse. It's easy to get burned out.

Thanks for listening to me rant :)


Drofen said...

Holy crap, where's the "Holy Crap!" smilie?!?

andrea said...

Hi Christy! I'm Andrea & I came across your blog in the student/nurse blog circles. Thanks for all the stories you share :) I've been out of clinicals for about a month and I miss patients dearly, even the poopy ones, believe it or not. I volunteered to clean the dog's loose stool today. It's obviously very different from human, especially adult, poop, but I'll take what I can at this point!

From my experience, I totally agree that men are big complainers. I guess being stuck in a room with no where to run and no where to hide and with majority women nurses bossing them around all the time is a major, major change from their usual ways of running, hiding, and dodging nagging girlfriends. They don't know what else to do but revert to being babies. :) I say this in fondness and good humor, of course, and only about a hypothetical patient, or about my boyfriend if he were a patient (apparently he doesn't need to be one to become a big baby, haha). I like working with kids anyway :P

pdowan said...

Hi Christy;
Pete Dowan here !
I realize that there is very little chance that this e-mail will result in anything, but that's better than the zero chance if I didn't try. I was googling for Nurse related blogs and I came across your site and thought I'd contact you.
I am a medically disabled songwriter from St Catharines, Ontario, Canada, and have written many songs about many different subjects and in several different styles, but one in particular was a result of my numerous times spent in various hospitals in my area.
One of the last times I came home I decided to try and write one for those who had cared for my well being during those trying times and I focused on the ones that were fresh in my memory. The song I wrote about (and for) them is called "LADIES IN WHITE". They wore white uniforms and were all female (YES, I know that there ARE male nurses AND know that not many wear white any more... but besides how amazingly efficient and caring they were, that was what I remembered of them .. besides, since white is actually made up of all the colours of the spectrum, it therefore represents every colour). It is not rock or pop, rap or hip hop or even a ballad... it is just a happy, simple to sing-along-with, uptempo song.
I mention that I am medically disabled because various factors of my condition stop me from being able to use professional studios to record my songs, so I have to do them here, at home, in my basement, on donated equipment from musicians I used to work with. For the same reason, I also am unable to perform my music live.
I was wondering if you'd like to hear the song, since your blog is about and for nurses. I can send you an MP3, a short term link or it can be heard on my "MySpace" page ... which is myspace.com/petedowan ... the second song on the list.
I DO understand if you'd rather not.
Have a great day, and keep smiling.

Musically Yours,
Pete Dowan {:-) [pronounced like plowin' ]